Learning To Be Alone Again

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About Nathan Graziano

Nathan Graziano lives in Manchester, New Hampshire. He is the author of three collections of poetry---Not So Profound (Green Bean Press, 2003), Teaching Metaphors (Sunnyoutside Press, 2007) and After the Honeymoon (Sunnyoutside Press, 2009)—a collection of short stories, Frostbite (GBP, 2002), and several chapbooks of fiction and poetry. A chapbook of short prose pieces titled Hangover Breakfasts was recently published by Bottle of Smoke Press this fall. For more information, visit his website at NathanGraziano,com.

Comments

  1. FlyingKal says:

    Personal question, my apologies if it’s too private/intrusive:

    How often, if ever, do you get to see your kids?

  2. Have you ever thought of yourself going through the grieving process? People generally equate “grief” to the death of a loved one whereas it can relate to any loss of a loved one. Society is so cavalier about divorce and relish and at times celebrate divorce, the truth is that it is a loss on ones life.

  3. Nate Graziano says:

    I think it’s pretty accurate assessment, Tom. But I haven’t given up hope that things might be resolved, so I haven’t begun to grieve. I’m just dealing with being alone right now. And my wife is a very reasonable woman, and I can see my kids whenever. For example, I’m watching the Patriots’ game with my son today. It’s the small things that make a big difference.

  4. Nate, hope you don’t mind a comment from a woman who has just discovered the site A Good Man, so also the blogs and ‘zine with it. So, my comment is only how similar the experience can be/is for a woman. While I was not divorced, but rather widowed and childless, I can say that the experience of eating is very familiar. Most importantly, I have learned how correct your statement is – “intimacy is actually the opposite of alone, and intimacy has little to do with genitals. Intimacy is much more difficult to find than sex.”
    It is 9 years, 7 months, and approximately 13 days since his passing. I have learned many lessons that I wish I had known when I was younger. But luckily for me, I have found the intimacy once again in 2 friendships with men who began as more. And that is truly what I had missed, not the sexual aspect. Thank you for expressing this all so well. I wish you all the best in finding the same.

  5. Really appreciate you sharing this with all of us, Nate. I am sure you are not the only one who feels like this way right now, so that, by itself, is a gift that you are giving them: community.

    It’s hard to deal with being alone when it feels like it wasn’t your decision altogether. One thing I hope you wont do (that I unfortunately did when I was in a similar situation) is to go into your shell. It’s very tempting to resort to putting up a wall, or staying inside your cave, away from connecting deeply with other people, or from showing any sort of vulnerability. That sort of hardening is hard to thaw, and frankly it’s not worth it. This alone time is painful, but it will be much worse if you go into your shell in order to stay away from the harshness.

    Best of luck. We’re all here for you.

  6. Paul Newell says:

    Thank you Nathan, for your honesty in this situation. When I got my own apartment, it was a pain I had never experienced and it took a tremendous amount of patience with myself and my thoughts to get through it. I have to say is was a necessary part of the process to help me heal and think about the situation and how I’m going to move forward. I’m so happy you wrote this because I know men go through this, but ego prevents us from expressing ourselves and getting the support we need from our friends and family.

    Thanks again,
    Paul

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