The young generation can be a threat to the status quo, or an energy source that needs direction, depending on how we meet the challenge.
Old rites
In our ancestral past, and within the last few remnants of the indigenous peoples who don’t have McDonalds yet, the passing of exciting and fearsome ‘rites of passage’ marked the change from boyhood to manhood.
In this practice, boys leave home, and the wider community spends a lot of time and effort putting them through a series of difficult tests in order to initiate them back into society. If the boys succeed in learning the lessons and passing through the challenges, the whole community recognises them as men, and they are welcomed as contributors of value to their society.
A couple of generations ago, in our idealised 1950s, becoming a man was linked to doing things for the first time. This entailed milestones such as getting a job, moving out of home, going to college, having a mortgage, getting married, and having kids. We marked the transition from boyhood to manhood by aspiring to ‘niceness’ and conformity.
Quite typically, we want it to stop, without investigating why it occurs, or what value it might have.
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Nowadays, we no longer do formal community initiation nor conformity. Most of us are too busy either developing ourselves or paying off our debts to spend much time helping others.
Peer rites
In our brave new individualistic society, we expect boys to get on with becoming men on their own, without supervision or guidance. As a consequence, many boys undergo ‘anti-social peer initiations.’ These can include getting drunk, taking drugs, using weapons, gang rape, driving recklessly, getting tattooed—a wide range of extra-curricular activities. The phenomenon is not restricted to gangs: kids from all walks of life are going through these rites.
Our media, press, and indignant older people in particular, are becoming increasingly worried by this anti-social, adrenalin filled behaviour. Quite typically, we want it to stop, without investigating why it occurs, or what value it might have. ‘Tie these boys to the drudge of mortgage, debt, boring jobs, and a life of little ambition’ is the cry of the middle classes. ‘It worked for us, we’re all unhappy, and that way we don’t have to concern ourselves with the issues and needs of our young men (and women)’.
The young man will need assistance, guidance, and reminding that he’s not the first, nor the last, to behave this way.
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Between the ages of 18 and 30, our boys and men are in their prime. They should be burgeoning, flowering into beautiful, strong, community supporting, vibrant and alive role models. In the year 2013, that is not the case. The majority have not even left home. They are in demeaning or dead-end jobs for which they have little passion; they create fantasy worlds in order to tolerate reality; they lack confidence and are in debt to banks and institutions, who make them fearful and bitter. No wonder they seek the adrenalin rush of peer initiation to banish the prospect of being in debt for the rest of their lives.
The stimulant
As children we need to feel safe and secure. In response to this need, parents create a strong emotional force field to hold the family in place. It is not easy to break through, but when the boy becomes a teenager he wants to explore the wider world, to hang out with people other than his parents.
In order to help facilitate this break out, nature introduced a stimulant. It comes in the form of testosterone, which increases adrenalin, and the boy expresses this chemical change in his ‘attitude.’ ‘Attitude’ takes the form of anti-social behaviour—adrenalin fuelled stupidity, in our eyes. This causes friction and disharmony with the parents. It lessens the force field, and enables him to break free. He is then able to seek his true identity, his peers and role models. It is the responsibility of the wider community, not just the family, to help him at this time. The young man will need assistance, guidance, and reminding that he’s not the first, nor the last, to behave this way.
New rites
If we have learned one thing recently, it is, our crisis-strewn culture has been proven to be woefully inadequate. We all acknowledge we need to find more holistic and cohesive alternatives. Included in these alternatives can be the concept that our boys and young men play a positive and constructive role in the creation of a fairer society, not the present selfish, greedy one we have forced them into. We could help them with such a task, by listening to them, encouraging them to use their adrenalin and drive in this positive way. Instead of outlawing their behaviour we could be challenging them to use their adrenalin rush for positive good. That, actually, isn’t so much of a shift as it seems.
We all intuitively want to help others, to be of service to our community. Teenagers, despite their harsh exteriors, are just as willing to help and to create bridges as any of us. We need to support our fledgling men to make positive choices for the benefit of others, before they can do that they need to use their extra testosterone and adrenalin to:
- Cut the ties with their mother and close family. They need to leave home physically and mentally.
- Find out who they really are. Not what parents or teachers want them to be, but to discover their innate ability. They need to follow their passion.
- Find their place in the pecking order, among their friends and foes.
- Go through hardships and challenges. They need to make mistakes and learn from them.
If they do all of these things, they will have succeeded in life, and naturally contributed in a positive way to society.
This process describes the classic rite of passage from being a boy to becoming a man. The use of adrenalin to break free from the family and then be supported by others is an age-old natural occurrence. It is what our ancestors and our McDonalds-free relatives have always done. They expect it to happen. They make sure it is welcomed and encouraged. Most importantly, they channel it into positivity and incorporate it into their culture.
When our teenagers express their individuality and character through seeking thrills and challenges, we are intimidated and frightened by it. We forget we also behaved that way. We should be welcoming such behaviour and trying to incorporate it into our society, making it work for us all, not ignoring it and hoping it will go away. It won’t.
Read more:
New Rites of Passage for Young Men
Image credit: thefixer/Flickr
I’m impressed with Rezam’s knowledge of physical chemistry. But the connection in my mind is real. Young male bodies being flooded with testosterone every day increases their sense of strenth (power), sexual energy, and begs for outlet. We’ve also notice a desire in this age group for challenge and testing, especially physical tests. Those activities often activate the chemistry of the autonomic nervous system, the “fight or flight” response, that include adrenalines and other chemicals that prepare them for those activities. We have a hard time providing enough vigorous activitiy and challenge (think insurance) to really give them what they… Read more »
Absolutely agree Earl. How do we provide for teenagers in a positive and community based way? I hope it starts with the rites being worthwhile and relevant to today. This may include physical activities, but it can also extend to other areas where they expend adrenalin and stress just as much. The challenge of caring and sharing with strangers, or accepting lessons from others, can be equally scary. It reminds me of the difference between being a ‘warrior’ and a ‘brave’. The First Nations called their young men ‘braves’, and this allows them to experience vulnerability, uncertainty, collaboration, and to… Read more »
I love the distinction between a “warrior,” and a “brave.” Beautifully stated. While the “rites” you refer to may be used to mark a boy’s crossing into the land (and responsibilities) of men, it’s in day to day life that the physicality, positive lessons about manhood you describe, and the embrace of a community are missing. Creating that is a worthy, and much needed goal. I believe it’s men’s work, so first we have to get the men to show up! Good men like you with obvious passion and a strong vision of manhood to hold up for “our boys.”… Read more »
Universal military service, like Switzerland has, would solve this problem nicely. Every boy goes away at a certain age, and comes back as a trained warrior with a uniform and a rifle, to proudly take his place in the national citizen militia.
Switzerland has a very tranquil low-crime society.
Nick : ” In order to help facilitate this break out, nature introduced a stimulant. It comes in the form of testosterone, which increases adrenalin, and the boy expresses this chemical change in his ‘attitude.’ ‘Attitude’ takes the form of anti-social behaviour—adrenalin fuelled stupidity, in our eyes.” I would appreciate your clarification of the claim that testosterone increases adrenaline. My understanding is that stress induces the release of ACTH, signalling the adrenal gland to make the glucocorticoid cortisol, and specifically NOT the mineralocorticoid testosterone. Further, stress reactions inhibit GnRH, which acts to suppress LH, which in turns reduces the production… Read more »
Hi Rezam,
I take your point. I don’t have any evidence that testosterone increases affect our adrenalin levels.
What I am implying is the activities young men undertake in their teenage years are caused by a wide range of factors, one of which is testosterone, and these almost invariably lead to an increase in adrenalin as the ‘rites’ are dangerous and can be life threatening.
In the work we do initiating boys, their is an often quoted African proverb which in effect says, “If the young men are not initiated into the life of the Village, they will burn it down just to feel the heat.” If we as a community, don’t surround and support our young men in this crossing into manhood, we get what we’ve got! Young males dangerously self-initiating or being swept into gangs who capitalize on this instinctual need. Sadly, our cultural response to this call for help from too many of our young males comes too late and too often… Read more »