The Perfect Match: When Love Means Giving an Organ

Joshua Taylor had already given his heart to his boyfriend of 15 years, Ryan Doughty. Then Ryan needed a kidney.

It was straight out of an episode of House.  Late in the summer of 2010, Ryan Doughty was overcome by a series of strange symptoms that developed quickly: fatigue, swollen ankles, dry mouth, chills, spasms in his legs and feet, then vomiting and sleeplessness. Although he maintained that he was OK, that it was probably just a cold, his longtime boyfriend Joshua Taylor was worried.

In the end, that worry brought them to the emergency room and then eventually to an operating room, where Taylor would give his boyfriend a kidney.

Taylor first rushed his boyfriend to the emergency room after finding out Doughty was unable to urinate. The hospital ran tests. And what was a mystery to the couple became clear to doctors. They diagnosed Doughty with Glomerulonephritis, or swollen kidneys.

His doctor believes Doughty may have lived with the condition for over 10 years—even though he’d had no symptoms. The cause is unknown, but Doughty’s nephrologist speculates maybe it was a virus or an untreated case of Strep throat years earlier. The result of Doughty’s diagnosis was end-stage renal failure. His kidneys only had 5% of their function left.

Renal failure affects more than 20 million people in the United States and is rising every year. “One day I felt perfectly healthy, the next day I had no kidneys and I was toxic,” Doughty said. “It was a scary feeling, but there were options and a way to treat it. I wasn’t going to give up. I kept my spirits positive. I just looked forward and didn’t think too much.”

Taylor and Doughty had been sweethearts for 15 years. They say they fell in love at first sight at the Congress Tavern in Poughkeepsie, N.Y.  Both had just graduated from college, with Taylor from Vassar and Doughty from the Conservatory of Music at SUNY Purchase.

They moved in together in New York’s East Village, where they went on to spend 10 years and eventually wound their way back to the beautiful Hudson Valley in 2004, settling in a converted loft in an old firehouse in downtown Poughkeepsie’s historic district. Since falling in love all those summers ago, they worked as the DJ duo Prephab and have been partners in both business and love.

But Taylor had to fill in more after the diagnosis. Doughty was placed on hemodialysis, a treatment that initially caused a seizure. Hemo can take three to four hours a day, and is administered three times a week at a dialysis center. Afterward patients feel like they ran a three-mile marathon. Doughty chose to change his treatment to peritoneal dialysis because it’s a more natural process and allows him to do treatments at home. Further testing revealed his creatinine level was a 39—the highest the hospital had ever seen. They became aware that his kidneys had probably failed at least two years prior to his diagnosis. He had been walking around with virulent toxins and poisons building until his body couldn’t take it anymore.

Doughty needed a transplant, or these treatments were going to last the rest of his life. Finding a kidney is a tremendously long process often fraught with high expectations and dashed hopes. It can try even the most patient of people.

If you’re lucky, it can take three to six years to find a match. Many willing donors are ineligble because of health issues. So there aren’t enough kidneys to go around, which makes the process highly selective. Says Taylor: “Donor’s list, Dean’s list, highly selective… so much of the language they use makes this horrifying process sound like you’re applying to college. I finally agreed to get tested as a donor.”

“Josh and I share a kidney,” said Doughty. “We are connected in a way most couples aren’t. It’s a testament to our relationship. No government can deny us of that.”

After eight tense weeks, the results came in: Taylor was a match.

“We didn’t want to rush into this,” said Doughty. “We wanted to make sure the timing was right. So we scheduled the surgery for the following spring. This gave us enough time to prepare for it mentally and physically.”

The transplant was done successfully this past April.

“Josh and I share a kidney,” said Doughty. “We are connected in a way most couples aren’t. It’s a testament to our relationship. No government can deny us of that.” But more importantly, Doughty is healthy. He’s got energy that he hasn’t felt in a long time. “Now that I have Josh’s kidney, I feel as if I have a second chance on life.”

Joshua Taylor, Rich Volo, and Ryan Doughty at 2012 Hudson Pride

Instead of dialysis every night, Doughty takes medication twice a day.

“It is drastically better than dialysis,” he said. “I wish all renal patients could have the chance to get transplanted. I’m ready to have new adventures and to continue to share my life with Josh. The transplant was the easy part! Josh and I had minimal time in the hospital and a very quick recovery. We are doing better than expected.”

This weekend the couple will DJ the festivities for Gay Pride weekend in bucolic upstate Hudson, NY. They just celebrated their fifteenth anniversary.

“Everyone should consider being a donor,” Doughty said. “It’s a beautiful, thankless act that saves lives.”

Since the surgery the couple has grown closer. The support of family helps a lot. Josh’s parents are ministers of The First Church of Christ and marry gay and lesbian couples. They support their church to be open and affirming to all races and sexual orientations. Ryan’s parents are retired and reside in Poughkeepsie. Having the support of both families has been indelible to their health and the success of the procedure.

Ryan continues to get check ups at Yale New Haven but is doing remarkably well. They are donating a significant portion of their time DJing various charities: the New York Organ Donor Network, the national Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), ARCS (a Hudson Valley organization that helps people coordinate care for complex health conditions) and various Pride events around the tri-state area.

They continue to help other end-stage renal patients with personal experiences and information. End-stage renal failure can be a very depressing and an isolating experience. Ryan and Josh are dedicated in helping lift the spirits of those who have undergone a similar diagnosis.

Through dialysis treatment or transplant, renal patients can find ways to live normal lives, though, transplantation yields the best result. “Now that I have Josh’s kidney, I feel as if I have a second chance on life. A renewed outlook! I’m ready to have new adventures and to share those experiences with Joshua. Through this entire process, I have kept my spirits positive. I didn’t give up! I just looked forward and didn’t think too much,” Ryan says. “I couldn’t have done this without the support of my friends and family. I will never forget the support that I received from them.” His advice to others in medical crisis: “You must be your own advocate. Do not rely on your medical staff to do it for you. It’s your body, you must trust your own instinct.”

Ryan and Josh hope their story promotes organ donation and encourages others to consider donating their organs. Ryan says: “Please consider organ donation. One person can save eight lives. Don’t bury your organs, donate them and make a difference.”

Visit one of these websites for more information and to see how you can help:

 

 

Read more Gay Pride stories on The Good Life.

—Photo credit: sashafatcat/Flickr

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About Savas Abadsidis

Savas Abadsidis is a raconteur and regular wingman to fellow GMP editor Hannibal Tabu. They are as a rule, scoundrels, who try their best to be good men. In Savas’ free time he loves comics, photography, surfing, travelling and sleeping.

Comments

  1. Yes, yes, yes!! Thank you for sharing. I am a registered donor in New York and New Jersey (you have to register separately for each state- what an awful law, though at least it’s a simple process), and am also a registered bone marrow donor. My dad was diagnosed with kidney failure when I was 10, and then he was on dialysis for two years before dying of complications. He was on at least two donor lists, and I have no idea if he even made it close to the front. I will always be an advocate for this cause. I am so happy that you are both doing well, and I wish you both (but especially Ryan) the best of luck!

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