How you talk about what you want affects how attractive you appear.
In real life there are so many ways to make an impression on women. We can easily express ourselves in ways that reflect how we feel.
For example, let’s say that you are just a genuinely nice guy, meet a female at a bar, and she asks what you are looking for in a woman. If you tell her that you are in the midst of dating and seeing what’s out there, but would like to settle down with a girlfriend sometime soon, there are two ways that she can interpret your words.
She will either mark you as a man who is desperate and lonely, or as a guy who is of extremely high quality and in demand, who just happens to be searching for “the one.” The category you fall into will largely be determined based on the tone, pitch, body language, and delivery of how you tell her you are looking for a girlfriend.
Online, we don’t have the benefits of expressing ourselves through visual emotions, vocal tones, and body language. Our words are our main form of communication. We must not only use our writing in ways that allow women to assess who we truly are, but must also learn to use our writing in ways that will attract women, and make them want to pursue us.
This is where the psychology of writing comes into play. Many of us who are attempting to meet women online make the mistake of using words and phrases in our profiles that seem very innocent on the surface, but are sub-consciously communicating messages that we don’t want to be sending.
Let’s take a look at a common example that I frequently see in my client’s profiles. Many men will say somewhere in their online dating profiles, “I’m looking for a girl who is nice, down to earth, and fun.” This statement may seem innocent enough. But lets take a closer look at the psychology of the wording.
The words, “I’m looking,” unintentionally sends the signal that the women we hope to date are the ones in control, and that we are the ones chasing. After all, we clearly stated that we are looking. This not only has the implication that we are the chasers, but also suggests that we may be desperate and lonely.
How can this be revised into a statement that is not weak, but rather, strong, confident and in control?
Original statement: “I’m looking for a girl who is nice, down to earth, and fun.”
New statement: “The perfect girl for me should be nice, down to earth, and fun.
The new statement seems to say the same thing, but notice the difference. In the revised statement, the speaker is the one in control. The man writing the ad has set himself up as the prize, and implied that women should chase him. In addition, he is showing more confidence, and subtly suggests that he is in demand. Overall, this is a much stronger statement, and far from sounding like a lonely guy who has been looking forever to find someone.
If I were to add to this statement, I would put the ball in her court: “The question is, are you the perfect girl for me?” This further helps to emphasize the chase: now she must prove to you that she is right for you. Although this may sound misogynistic to some, or as if we are playing games, I would have to disagree. It’s simply taking advantage of the psychology of attraction, and without getting our foot in the door, we will never have the opportunities to meet that special someone.
The above statement is just one example; there are countless words and phrases that men use which have a negative impact, such as, “if you think we are a match, send me a message.” Instead of an “if” statement, end on a stronger note: “To all my matches out there: send me a message. I look forward to hearing from you.”
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Image credit: Don Hankins/Flickr