Vulnerability is a trait of good leadership, but how much will you say if you face your own mental health problems?
___
Why I opened up to my boss about my depression and anxiety.
In one of my workplaces, my boss Tracy lost a close family member. She took a leave to deal with her grief. When she returned, she talked openly about her pain. Her openness gave me the emotional freedom to open up about my own mental health experience, my depression and my anxiety. It was as if she held up a flag saying that it is okay here to talk about yourself as a person, not just as an employee or a leader.
Her example meant that I was able to receive the help I needed and I ended up remaining with the company. I was able to lead well despite being unwell for a season.
The leader’s vulnerability can impact the workplace. But how do you know what to say and when to keep it personal?
◊♦◊
Deciding When to Keep it Personal
- Workplaces send flags. If a workplace has a history of marginalizing or mistreating employees who live with a mental illness, sharing your story may be too great a risk.
Her example meant that I was able to receive the help I needed and I ended up remaining with the company. I was able to lead well despite being unwell for a season.
|
- Be a flag waver. For your own reasons, you may choose to tell no one. There is still a great deal you can do to create a progressive, healthy workplace. You can:
- Support your employees when they struggle. Having a boss who is supportive can be like an oasis for a staff and it will build loyalty among your entire team.
- Encourage staff wellness programs
- Advocate for fair treatment policies
- Align with supportive staff and bosses can help to change the culture.
- Talk about mental health topics without using labels. Talk about stress, feeling unwell or low energy, and personal seasons of lower productivity.
- Go outside of your workplace. Sometimes the help can come from another leader outside of your unit or even your company. Meeting with other leaders and being vulnerable about your stress and wellness can be a life line. Therapy is part of the answer but real relationships can be the difference between managing and a resurgence of mental health problems.
- Share selectively with a trusted colleague or a staff that you trust. If you are confident in the relationship, this may be the support that you need.
- Follow your gut. If you are not ready to share, don’t. There is no sense in adding stress to yourself.
◊♦◊
Deciding When You Will Share
“When you share your story, that is where stigma is reduced.”
Studies from the field of Attachment Psychology demonstrate that honest sharing changes both the sharer and the listener. You feel lighter and you think clearer because physiological changes are occurring. As you talk, your body listens.
|
Studies from the field of Attachment Psychology demonstrate that honest sharing changes both the sharer and the listener. You feel lighter and you think clearer because physiological changes are occurring. As you talk, your body listens.
When you share with a receptive boss or team, it can change your life and your staff. If you have decided you are ready to talk about your experience with depression, anxiety or any other aspect of your mental health, consider the following:
- There is a time to heal and a time to share. There is risk in telling your story, but the risk is greatest when you lack personal support. Before you decide whether to talk to your boss or your team, make sure that you have personal support.
- People have a BS meter. If you are suffering and pretending, they can tell. Honesty and vulnerability reaches people. A key trait of leadership is honesty.
- Sharing openly does not mean bearing your soul. You can share as much or as little as you feel appropriate, keeping in mind that people still have to do their jobs. You may wait until you are well along in your recovery before you are ready to share.
- Sometimes describing your experience without labels, and behaviorally may help: “I have been feeling low energy, having a hard time functioning and concentrating. I am feeling depressed and I am getting the help that I need. I am working hard to continue to improve.”
- Begin with one person. You can begin with one colleage or one staff and talk more openly when you sense the trust. It is a risk, and a personal decision. You can read about Joseph Rauch and how he told his boss about his mental illness. He stands by his decision, even though it was a risk and others would never share.
◊♦◊
Deciding When You Should leave
- Some workplaces will never be ready for leaders to talk honestly about their experience with mental illness. When a leader experiences depression or anxiety but is expected to maintain a happy face, it can create emotional labor. Emotional labor can erode your resources, your energy and what you have left of your soul.
- Your relationships are often one of the most important inputs to your mental health. Especially your relationship with your boss and those you directly supervise. If your boss is an unhealthy person, you are wise to to leave, given that job stress can have a significant impact on your health.
Your financial health may need take a back seat to your mental health. Why is it such a big deal? If you dislike those you work with or work for, that will have a dramatic effect on your personal well being, your physical health, your stress levels and your mental health.
This is Part II in my series on Leadership Mental Health. Look for the second half of this post Sunday Jan 10 @4:00 EST.
Keep it Real
Photo: Blondinrikard Fröberg