If there’s one word every little boy knows, and feels deep in his bones, it’s ‘hero.’ But how can today’s modern men be the heroes of their own lives?
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What does Macho mean?
It means pride in manhood. It means being happy about being a man. It can mean confidence, power, a dynamic energy that is unapologetically masculine.
In our society, Macho is hotly contested territory. The types of men—the stereotypes of men—that can express pride in themselves as men are limited and caricatured, and have been for a long time.
Many guys, many men, simply don’t see themselves in the stereotypes of Macho, and therefore feel that they don’t have access to this basic human right: pride in yourself, for exactly who and what you are.
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We all recognize these current incarnations of Macho, often presented as the only options for ‘successful’ expressions of masculinity. From the Gym Bro Guy, who drinks exclusively protein and pumps iron to perfect his Adonis-like physique, to the Super Successful Professional Guy with cold eyes and a colder solid gold watch, these expressions of male power aren’t exactly flexible or inclusive. Many guys, many men, simply don’t see themselves in the stereotypes of Macho, and therefore feel that they don’t have access to this basic human right: pride in yourself, for exactly who and what you are. A feeling that you are powerful, lovely, worthy and admirable.
The negative, boys-will-be-boys portrayals of macho are even more rampant. The juvenile, callous frat-boy, the woman-hating man, even the incompetent father more committed to his sports team and its fraternity of fans than to his family … these are the expressions of toxic masculinity that today’s men have been meted out by popular culture.
They’re not enough. And they’re not good enough. Men deserve better.
Men are implicitly taught that they cannot be proud of or celebrate their masculinity unless they express it in one of these preapproved—and often unattainable—ways. But men aren’t a stereotype and shouldn’t have to limit their self-expression to one of a handful of ‘societally approved’ masculinities.
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Fortunately, men have new options. There is an incredible movement happening today. Men are reclaiming their healthy masculinity, and part of that is retaking the word Macho. The Good Men Project is at the forefront of this important work, as are broader social movements such as embracing the Dad-Bod. More attention is focused on celebrating fatherhood as a valid expression of masculinity, and exploring the Sacred Masculine. The fact that maleness is represented in a negative way so often shows how urgent this work, this reclaiming, is.
Masculine energy is incredible, powerful, potent, admirable. Yet I see so many men unable to express that in healthy ways.
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Masculine energy is incredible, powerful, potent, admirable. Yet I see so many men unable to express that in healthy ways. In ancient, esoteric teaching, masculine is the advancer, the stolid, the focus on the goal, the achievement, the action of humanity, of every human’s expression. When masculine energy is expressed in a generative, healthy way … well, we all know what it looks like. It’s heroics, heroism.
Heroes.
Even if a man doesn’t have a hero he admires and aches to be like now, he probably did when he was younger. The archetype of the Hero is one of the purest, most impressive incarnations of Sacred Masculinity. There is a Hero for everyone; each with different strengths, different weaknesses, different lessons learned and problems overcome, different soul-level, archetypal struggles and victories. Heroes embody the original Macho. So reclaiming Macho, to me, as an outsider, as a woman who loves and adores and admires men and masculinity, means acknowledging the hero in each man. It means seeing each man, seeing yourself, as a hero.
We all have to accept and embrace the masculine in ourselves and in the men we love, to overcome the trauma associated with toxic views of men and masculinity.
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We all have to accept and embrace the masculine in ourselves and in the men we love, to overcome the trauma associated with toxic views of men and masculinity. This is a culture-wide work, because the portrayals of masculinity as toxic are culture wide.
When healthy channels of masculine expression aren’t available, this energy is thwarted, hurt, twisted. Violence, lethargy, shame, and even self-hatred result. That’s the legacy of the old Macho.
The new Macho, the prideful, loving acceptance and celebration of Masculinity and Men, is different. The efforts of so many men are making the new Macho about real strength, courage, kindness. These efforts are helping popular culture finally catch up to the experiences of real men in the world. Men can be proud of the beautiful masculine traits they have, and by celebrating those traits, become real heroes.
Photo—Dennis Jarvis/Flickr
So the author wants to redefine masculinity in a way that makes her happy. No, you don’t know what masculinity means. Keep your hands off.
Blake, thanks for the honest response. It’s true that redefining macho as a positive word that celebrates men makes me happy—it breaks my heart that so many men don’t feel that they can be proud of being a man, or feel that there’s something wrong with them for being male. That’s why I write for GMP. I apologize for crossing your boundary on this. It’s a very sensitive topic and I want to be respectful. If you’re interested, I would be grateful to hear more of your views on masculinity, and how (or whether!) a woman can discuss this in… Read more »
Do the heroes of the French train count? Were old masculinity is removed, would they have reacted with the same courage and effectiveness?
Bravo. I thoroughly enjoyed the article and agree with it. I do wonder though from an eastern stand point. As a martial artist who’s known many other martial artists, there is an internal strength that isn’t always displayed. You might wonder how these men trained in war tend gardens, volunteer to help abused children, are the people the children crawl all over at parties, cook, etc. There is a “macho”, but one that’s not always displayed to the world. In fact, it’s usually the white belts that advertise their training. There have been points in my life where I’ve known… Read more »
John, thank you for this beautiful response. I completely agree that often, the most potent strength is the gentle strength, not obvious or on display, and certainly not used to hold dominion over others. That energy is present in every person—men and women—and when it has no healthy outlet, it can turn to violence, fear, hatred of the self or others. Thank you for bringing this perspective. It’s so true that being a powerful, strong, physically competent man and being a kind, gentle, loving, caring man are in no way mutually exclusive! THAT is a big part of the new… Read more »
Sorry, but machismo involves contempt for women. Just look at most dictionary definitions of t. I understand your desire to view masculinity in a positive light but since the world is still very male-dominated and TGMP is always vilifying feminism while also benefitting from it, you need to admit that it will be very tough to “sell” macho as a positive, pro-feminist word.
That’s an example of the problem right here. It’s the idea that men can’t be trusted that the only real salvation is through feminism the leadership of women. Funny, how when it comes to abortion, it’s trust women. When it comes to women’s issues it’s nothing about us without us. When it comes to men, it’s shut up and listen. We’ll tell you what to think and feel (even though feelings are valid for women that is). Trust men, but trust women too. I think there is a fear from some mostly women, but a few men as well that… Read more »
Hi MB, thanks for the response. You’ve brought up an important point that I tried to incorporate in the piece, but that cannot be overstated: the old macho was often tied up in power over or contempt for women, and many toxic representations of masculinity in the media today still fall to that tired trope. But I don’t think that it vilifies feminism to embrace a new definition of that word, as part of empowering positive definitions of masculinity that benefit all of us. Ultimately, to me, these issues are about healing. That can only be accomplished from a place… Read more »
Hi Kathryn, I also enjoyed your article and think your response to MB above was very measured. I’m a co-author here on GMP with my fiancé’ Patty Beach. Check out our latest article as it is very aligned with what you write here. We have 5 other articles wed love to have you review also. In your response to MB I really like when you say… “I don’t think that it vilifies feminism to embrace a new definition of that word, as part of empowering positive definitions of masculinity that benefit all of us.” And In the article I specifically… Read more »
I’d be curious for an example of GMP vilifying feminism because non and anti feminists often accuse GMP of being feminist. But to look at your comment more closely: I understand your desire to view masculinity in a positive light but since the world is still very male-dominated and TGMP is always vilifying feminism while also benefitting from it, you need to admit that it will be very tough to “sell” macho as a positive, pro-feminist word. 1. Who said macho needs to be a pro feminist word? 2. Who says that any word or term used who working on… Read more »