We’ve ignored the harm of bullying so long it’s now taken over our election process.
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Bullying saturates our democracy as never before, and no one should mistake the ascendant Trump and fading Sanders candidacies for the hurricane, but instead together its veritable, cycloptic eye.
The evidence that significant constituencies, feeling abandoned by the often contradictory waves of technological and social change that have swept our country since 9/11, have been attracted by either the Trump or Sanders umbrage scenarios is much less surprising than the persistent bafflement from many quarters about this “insurgency.”
Both candidates are identically preying on an illusion of abrupt and reactive change, in polar opposite directions. And both their connections to bullying are remarkably subtle and blatantly obvious.
Bullying, typically experienced by an individual, a vulnerable group, or community within a larger one, is a form of incessant harassment purely intended to demean, degrade, and cause psychological harm to those victimized. The disaffection experienced by the two camps—one questing for a former top gun-like status, the other a bittersweet desire to correct and improve this administration’s shortcomings and underachievements—has thus far displayed all the hallmarks of the “bully-victim.”
People who are harmed in whatever way without proper support or means to process their trauma often act out their distress on others. As has been repeated ad nauseum by both camps, if one does not get their way or due with those perceived as the “authorities” who hold the power of oppression then they will simply act out a seizure of that power.
And as if on cue, journalistic head scratching and pious pronouncements thus far have resembled the false witnessing of those who choose not to meaningfully intervene when facing bullying of any kind. The news media generally has behaved like the popular crowd and/or AP fast-track set—above the fray with no visible desire to truly dig deeper.
Ditto the President, who for all his merit—which is significant—has steadfastly remained prime ministerial throughout his term with understandable reactions by the other branches of government and the fourth estate.
Now, I adore Obama (yet feel much more enthusiastic about Michelle), but all the disruptions of the last eight years that I have experienced have been tempered by my passion for his stands and “evolutions”. As a gay man, I’m beyond proud that marriage is finally legal. But were I to meet the right man, I haven’t a clue as to how I’d be able to return to homeownership which I had had just as the economy soured.
Similarly, I’m very pleased with my ACA-subsidized health insurance, but as a self-employed person since the downturn, I am earning less than half of what I did previously. By some of those rights, I should be rushing toward one, if not both, Sander’s and Trump’s camps. And yet, all this while, I have also come to terms with the fact that I’m an adult who’s suffered the long-term impacts of being bullied.
Through psychotherapy and recovery groups, I have spent my life recovering from those effects, which have included a suicide attempt and numerous addictive tendencies. And the self-harm added to the original harm have together seriously compromised my abilities to earn a living, have self-esteem, and be fully able to love other men.
It’s taken me a very long time to comprehend the acted-out hurt of those who originally hurt, as well as those who neglected, me. These realizations have tinted neither darkly nor rosily my view of this campaign season. Rather, above the shrill, tiresome conversations seeking to “convert” one side, demographic, or another; or cast blame in either direction, I have my eyes glued toward something much more palpable: real compassion and true objectivity toward both those who harm and those who are hurting.
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Photo: Getty Images
People who say violence isn’t the answer has never been bullied; bullies pick on who they perceive to be an easy target and showing that you aren’t is the only thing to stop them; telling a teacher never really works unless the bully has done something severe enough to warrant a suspension or expulsion.I must also state that I don’t advocate physical violence towards someone who’s only calling you names, but once the bully lays hands on you he (or she) has crossed the line for you and you are free to defend yourself.
Alas, this can backfire…horribly. Two things can end up happening, and they both happened to me (although I just narrowly avoided the drugs). So a bully walks up to you and punches you hard enough to knock you down, just like every day. This particular day, you’ve had enough, so you get back up, pick the guy up and throw him headfirst into a brick wall, hard. He goes to the hospital, with a minor concussion. For one day out of your life, you’re not the guy landing in the hospital. If it were a John Hughes movie, everything would… Read more »