Could you handle
24 Hours
of complete and
total honesty?
One friend asks you what you think of the poem they wrote. Another friend asks what you think the chances are their band will get a paying gig. You don’t want to lie, so you deflect the question. You tell them they made “some interesting choices in the poem,” and their band “has a different sound.”
Really, if you were totally honest, you’d tell them their poetry is just a jumble of words that don’t make sense. Or that their band sounds awful and couldn’t get a gig playing to guys on Death Row, because it would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
Unless you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you generally don’t want to hurt the feelings of your family members, and you want to be supportive of your friends (unless you’re a sociopath and don’t have real friends, but just pretend to, in which case you have much bigger problems in life). So when your significant other asks you, “Do you think I should lose weight?” You answer, “Well, only if you think so. Plus, there’s ample scientific evidence that says the health benefits to being thinner…blah, blah, blah…deflect, deflect, deflect…”
Let’s say, instead, you answered, “Yes, of course you should lose weight.” Would it be the end of the world? Would that person hate you? (No to the first, and possibly yes to the second.) But really, what would happen is you might hurt the other person’s feelings…briefly. Eventually, they would get over their hurt because deep down, they already knew the answer to their question. They would appreciate your honesty and candor.
In a perfect world, maybe. In reality, you would probably find yourself back on the singles scene rather quickly (or at the very least, suffering through “the silent treatment,” which really isn’t all that bad, especially if you’re someone who likes to have reading time). But what if you could be completely honest with everyone, if only for just one day? What if the whole world was subjected to 100% truth and honesty for 24 hours? Would you agree to that? And more importantly, would you want that?
Think about it:
Politicians being asked about their stance on hot button issues and not being able to dodge the question. An actor on a talk show being asked what was it like making their recent movie, and not being able to give the standard “It was great! We all got along so well!” answer they usually give. Asking a food service worker if they washed their hands first before they made your sandwich.
But here’s the catch:
You have to be completely honest, too. If your loved one asks you what you dislike about them, you have to answer. If a coworker asks you what was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you, you have to tell them the truth not the funny story you usually tell people. It has to be the real embarrassing moment story. The one that you’ve never told anyone (except maybe your mom). If someone sniffs the air, makes a face, and asks, “What is that?” You can’t blame it on the dog.
So… 24 hours of complete honesty.
Here is the thing about “brutal honesty”. Your perception of *your* truth is just that, “your perception of your truth”. Just because you have some “brutal honesty” to dole out doesn’t mean it’s the “brutal truth” about who that person is. It’s just your version of truth. I’m always leery of the concept of “brutal” honesty. I don’t think we need to be brutal to be honest. Infact, when we are “brutally honest”, we tend to focus on the “brutal” first and most over the “honesty”. You can be honest with everyone in your life. But you need to know… Read more »
I would love a whole life of honesty where every word of plain English had specific meaning rather than words being used to confuse, manipulate, intimidate and for self image/popularity. In a world like that, we could solve all of our problems.
Easily. Everyone thinks I’m left of centre and doesn’t believe me anyway lol. Its easy to be brutally honest when everyone treats you like Cassandra.
Does my bum look big in this. – Yes but the pressed ham look you have going on takes the emphasis off your bum. She laughed at this thinking I was joking. (She had slept around while dating my best friend, I wasn’t trying to be polite)
I find lying to be very difficult. I read some above comments talking about dodging embarrassing questions, and that’s valid. That being said, I’m the type that feels the blunt-honest-hurtful truth to be the most ethical. Since I have no shame about my life, I’m also willing to answer the hard questions. *Sniff* “Was that you?” *Heath Ledger’s Joker stare* “You know it was.” I actually had that one happen three times in one day due to something I’m never eating again. While I can say 24 hours would be easy, I’m not sure what I could say about permanently.… Read more »
I’ll add a small addendum to this… For a Sociology class, I conducted an experiment in which I let it be known to my friends and classmates that on one particular day, I would be completely honest. They were free to ask me any questions and I would answer truthfully, and not dodge the question.I was ready to lose some friends over this, but what the hell. It was all in the name of Science (well, technically, Sociology). The day came and I got the obvious questions: What was my most embarrassing moment? How old was I when I first… Read more »
Hell no. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.
I’m IN. Why? Because I get to choose what I want the other person to be honest about. I can curate all the questions and I get to pick who will share their honesty with me. So for instance, I could ask a very fine, upstanding editor at a big newspaper what he REALLY thinks of my writing. Maybe it’ll hurt, but maybe it’ll inspire me to do more, go further. Or maybe I’ll be surprised and flattered. A guy that I really like? Time to find out if it’s mutual so if it isn’t, I can move on with… Read more »
I never understood that thought experiment. Not lying does not at all imply you have to blurt out hurtful things all the time. My love wants to know what I dislike about her? I could answer that there are such things, but they are not important things. My most embarassing moment? I would answer that I rather not want to speak about it. That’s not lying, obviously. We can always try to mind the old Buddhist principle about speech: Before you speak, filter it through those three criteria: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If one of… Read more »
I completely agree. Needing to tell the truth does not mean needing to answer every question you are asked in the manner the asker desires.
The poetry example:
“What do you think of my poem?”
“Well, I’d rather you ask somebody less close to you. I love you and don’t want you to be hurt by my honest criticism.”
Wouldn’t this work? Of course, many people would be offended by even this admission, but then it’s on them for being insecure and overly sensitive–not on you for being a rude blabbermouth.
Honesty and rudeness are not equivalent.
Maybe not, but do you honestly think that if everyone were in this situation at once that all of us would be able to make this distinction?
I am so not in. As a society we have demonstrated over and over again that we simply aren’t equipped to accept each other’s honesty–especially since the “truth” is such a subjective concept. As far as Phil Robertson was concerned, he was simply being “honest” in that GQ interview and the result had direct cultural reverberations–now imagine if EVERYONE did this all at once. By the end of those 24 hours, our civilization would have collapsed and we’d be eating people.
This is easy:
NO