What would be
the WORST possible
wedding song?
Awhile back my friend Kim admitted that the fact she and her first husband started out their wedding celebration by dancing to Cole Porter’s “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” was probably a bad omen regarding the long term viability of their relationship. Sure, the song is ostensibly about transcending your differences in the name of love, but it’s also about two people who can’t agree on ANYTHING, which is something even the most passionate of lovers would have difficulty overcoming.
Her revelation made me think of what other epically bad first wedding song choices there were out there. Here’s a few of the obvious contenders that came to mind:
Billy Idol, “White Wedding” – In case you missed it, when Billy sings “It’s a nice day for a white wedding” he’s being totally sarcastic.
John Waite, “Missing You” – While it’s clear he DOES miss the woman he’s singing about, it’s probably not a good idea to begin your wedding with a song about a guy getting over a hard break-up.
Jimi Hendrix, “Hey Joe” – Pretty much any song about a dude looking for his adulterous wife/girlfriend so he can kill her is probably a bad wedding song call.
Bruce Springsteen, “The River” – Now the lyrics to Springsteen’s ode to small town shotgun weddings are a bit ambiguous, but they do seem to imply that the narrator is planning on drowning his wife in the titular location, so probably not a great wedding song.
Tori Amos, “Mother” – As a big Tori fan, it’s actually pretty safe to say that the majority of her song catalogue is bad wedding juju, but the first one that springs to mind is this song from her second breakthrough album “Little Earthquakes” about a young bride terrified of losing her identity once the ceremony is over and life begins.
The Dixie Chicks, “Goodbye Earl” – Yeah, best not to play the funny song about the abused wife who poisons her husband’s dinner.
Kenny Rogers, “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town” – A paralyzed war veteran begs his wife not to go out and cheat on him, admitting that his injury is the only thing keeping him from killing her. BAD WEDDING SONG!
So those are the worst possible wedding songs I could think of. What do you have to add to the pile?
“You’ve lost that Lovin’ Feeling” – The Righteous Brothers.
My cousins and I sang this song to another cousin who was getting married. This was an era just post-release of Top Gun, and we were too young to really realize what the lyrics were saying. It was just a song from a cool movie that had the word “love” in it.
To my older cousins credit, she thanked us heartily.
Attended a wedding once where the DJ played Eagles’ “Lyin’ Eyes”.
I was at a wedding once where someone got the band to play Mr. Brightside. Four of the bride’s ex boyfriends were in attendance – she kept us around for some reason. We laughed like hell, and danced like crazy, but I couldn’t help but find it to be an odd decision.
I’ve been teasing my fiancé with bad wedding song list ideas. OPP tops it.
i’ve always thought “Girl, you’ll be a woman soon”, by either Urge Overkill or Neil Diamond would be an interesting choice for a wedding song
“Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft” — by Klaatu, of course! It’ll crash and burn that wedding dance!
REM “The One I Love.” Pay attention to ALL the lyrics people! 😀
Back in high school, a friend once told me that he put that song on every mix tape he’d ever given a girlfriend. It was a test to see if they were really paying attention to what he was trying to tell them. Haven’t seen him in 20 years now, but last I heard, no one had ever passed.
Funny you should also mention “Mother” by Tori Amos – I was totally convinced I wanted that as my “walk down the aisle” music in my early 20s. Allan, I think most of my music choices at any age indicate perhaps I wasn’t every really the marrying kind, LOL
I also was thinking about Goodbye Earl, but had it in a tie with “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon.
“Better Man” by Pearl Jam.
“She lies and says she’s in love with him; can’t find a better man…”
I still wouldn’t play it at a wedding, because the chick is clearly screwed up, but I always took the ending to mean she eventually realized he was a great guy and she really was in love.
When my wife and I were planning our wedding song we considered “Babe I’m Gonna Leave You” by Led Zeppelin, but figured the guests might not be amused so we went with something a little more traditional. Of course maybe it just coincidence that the divorce heading is next week.
I once sang karaoke and dedicated a great song to my husband (who is now my ex-husband, unrelated to the karaoke song). But I had written down the wrong number to give the DJ and instead of singing Carol King’s “Where You Lead” they put in “It’s Too Late, Baby” and that was not a great moment.
I love the guy on Facebook who said “2 Legit 2 Quit” haha.
Also, according to a friend of mine who enjoyed moderate success in the original American punk scene and actually opened for Billy Idol… White Wedding isn’t even about marriage. White Weddings were a popular blend of coke and heroin. Glancing at Urban Dictionary, it seems to have been redefined as a cocaine relapse.
It was my understanding that Idol wrote the song in direct reaction to his own sister’s wedding, which he thought was ill-advised. Apparently, he now denies this, so only he knows for sure. I do know that “Dancing with Myself” is about masturbation, so that’s something, right?
Well, it’s all hearsay, so who knows? I do know that the friend in question is relaible as to White Wedding being drug code, in the worst way. But as to whether that’s what Idol was talking about, who knows? Plus, he hated the guy, so he’d be the first to tell you not to rely on his opinions.
And no, relapse is certainly no better, lol. I mentioned it because I thought it made it worse.
Also, is it any better to play a song about a cocaine relapse at a wedding?
Great Big Sea: Hit the Ground & Run is a fun joke (although the bluegrass damn near gave me whiplash coming from a Newfie folk trio!), but so not meant for weddings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcO5Bwu0DZA But I notice a lot of the submissions are songs that nobody in their right mind would think were love songs, let alone wedding-worthy love songs. What about the ones people actually think are romantic? I submit More Than Words by Extreme. Yeah, it’s really pretty and all, but if you pay attention to the lyrics, it’s a bout a guy trying to guilt his girlfriend into… Read more »
This post is about any song that would be terrible to play at a wedding, but feel free to pick a specific kind if you want! 🙂 How about “Every Breath You Take” which a lot of people seem to think is romantic even though it’s totally about creepy stalking?
Oh, I know. I didn’t mean to sound disapproving. I just think the misguided ones are funnier, personally, so I wanted to encourage more of those. 🙂
And yeah, Every Breath You Take is one of the creepiest songs ever written.
Oh yes, that song definitely shouldn’t be played at a wedding. So stalkerish
Still haven’t found what I’m looking for – U2
Jimmy Soul – “If You Want To Be Happy”
Tellingly, that is my father’s favorite 60s song still, to this day.
Oddly he had two beautiful wives so who can figure that out.