While the focus of the Ray Rice domestic violence case has been largely on the NFL’s involvement and complicity, prosperity coach Randy Gage says we’re missing the point.
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The following is an excerpt from RandyGage.com.
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I believe in all the rush to judgment, kneejerk reactions, and media exploitation of the situation, the real issues – the issues we should be talking about as a society – have been lost in the hysteria.
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Every situation, no matter how negative or horrific, offers us learning lessons and teachable moments. The latest scandal about the Ray Rice elevator video is a case in point.
As always, I try to view the situation through the perspective of prosperity consciousness and what we can take away to live in accordance with the principles of prosperity. But what I see from most of the media, public officials, and social media is missing the mark. People are talking about the length of the suspension, if and when the NFL saw the tape, and whether Roger Goodell should keep his job. I believe in all the rush to judgment, kneejerk reactions, and media exploitation of the situation, the real issues – the issues we should be talking about as a society – have been lost in the hysteria. So what are they?
Janay Rice is in Danger
One thing we know about abusers is this: They get angry, lose control, and then invariably after they abuse someone, they blame it on their victim. And if they face consequences for their abusive behavior (getting arrested, losing their job, etc.), they also blame that on their victims. This often enrages them even more, causing them to attack their victims again. (Unfortunately the victims are so psychologically scarred, they often buy into this line of thinking and believe they did somehow create the problem.)
If her husband hasn’t worked through the psychological issues that caused him to act in such a psychotic, bordering on sociopathic manner – Janay is in increasing peril.
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If Ray Rice stays ostracized and out of work for long – if he hasn’t gotten serious professional help – odds are that he will lose it again, and take it out on Janay. I fear for her safety and even her life.
If this pre-trial intervention program Ray was sent to doesn’t have some of the most incredibly talented and competent mental health professionals in the world (and likely, even if they do), Janay is facing serious danger right now and in the weeks and months ahead.
It doesn’t matter that she married Ray, defends him, or what she posts on her Instagram account. If her husband hasn’t worked through the psychological issues that caused him to act in such a psychotic, bordering on sociopathic manner – Janay is in increasing peril. It is vital that her family and people closest to her be by her side right now and the immediate future.
The Culture of Media Sensationalism
A lot of people are commending TMZ for releasing this video, as if they are some kind of journalistic watchdog, protecting the public interest. Nothing could be further from the truth. They released this video because it gets them page views and higher ad revenue.
TMZ and all the other media outlets like them are despicable, deplorable and appalling. They make their living by sensationalizing events, exploiting the misfortune of others, and spreading malicious gossip. There is nothing noble in what they do.
The fact that this video shocked society and initiated a robust discussion in society does not validate what TMZ is and what they do. In fact, posting this video online and networks replaying it constantly has increased the threat to Janay.
Of course TMZ and media like them are simply responding to the voracious appetite for gossip we have as a society, and the subconscious negative memes we’re programmed with that enjoy seeing successful people being torn down.
Prosperity consciousness means all human beings have the right not to be attacked, or have their privacy violated.
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It’s no different than the naked celebrity pictures that were “leaked” a couple weeks ago. (And about a thousand times before that.) Those pictures were not leaked. They were stolen. And posting them was an unconscionable invasion of personal privacy.
I was shocked by the public comments and analysis in that situation as well. Numerous times I heard sentiments such as, “Well if you don’t want your naked pictures or videos online, don’t take them.” Statements like these are no less ignorant than saying if women don’t want to be raped, they shouldn’t dress in skirts.
People don’t “invite” attacks because they dress a certain way, wear a t-shirt with a political slogan on it, or display a different sexual orientation or religious belief. Prosperity consciousness means all human beings have the right not to be attacked, or have their privacy violated. We can do better.
And as for the reporters who interviewed Floyd Mayweather Jr. about the situation: Asking Mayweather to comment on domestic violence is akin to asking Jerry Sandusky about child abuse. The only reason to ask him to comment on this situation is because you know he will say something inflammatory and stupid. You can do better.
The Real Issue of HUMAN Rights
If Rice had a gay lover and punched him unconscious in that elevator, would that be alright because the other person was a man?
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The overriding issue in all this is the basic rights that every human on earth is entitled to. As I watched a panel on ESPN discuss the issue, it shocked me how sexist everybody was. (Not that surprising, since the whole panel was male.) At least five times, someone said something to the effect of a line being crossed because of, “a man laying his hands on a woman.” But the problem here is that domestic violence and abuse is gender neutral.
If you loved seeing Mo’Ne Davis pitch in the Little League World Series and want to see more… If you believe countries run as well under people like Golda Maier, Indira Gandhi, and Margaret Thatcher as they do their male counterparts, then leave someone’s gender out of the discussion.
If Rice had a gay lover and punched him unconscious in that elevator, would that be alright because the other person was a man? Of course not. All domestic violence is deplorable, whether it is man on woman, woman on man, or any combination.
Making it worse, there are cultures and countries around the world where abuse, violence and even slavery is still an accepted practice. We’re outraged because Ray Rice punches Janay, but no one questions religions that believe women are chattel to be owned, non-heterosexuals should be killed, or apostates should be beheaded. We look the other way and mumble something about “respecting the beliefs of others.”
No enlightened society would respect the beliefs of anyone who abuses, bullies, enslaves or kills another human and justifies it with their scripture. Beliefs like that are not to be respected, they are to be reviled. You cannot experience prosperity yourself if you are actively trying to deny it to others. And we can’t experience prosperity as a society, until we stand up for the basic human rights and safety of everyone.
I hold the vision of a society that respects and protects the rights, dignity and life of all – one where we won’t need a TMZ video to shame us into action.
To read the article in its entirety visit RandyGage.com
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Photo: Flickr/ Lisa Cyr
While i can respect that Ray Rice may have used excessive force, I was dismayed to notice that the author made no mention of the fact that Janay was the one to escalate the situation to violence and that she was charging at him when he struck her. If it was his gay lover, most of society would be saying that he shouldn’t have picked a fight with a larger man. While I hope that Good Men Project does not represent most of society, I would ask you to view the situation as if Janay was his gay lover. If… Read more »
I believe most sane people would still view it the same way. Well, at least most sane people from the developed European world would. Even more when it comes to a weaker gay (or not) lover (or person in general). It’s not about sex, but strength.