—
Jordan Gray says that there’s one massively sexy thing you can do in your daily life that will make your relationship thrive.
—–
And no, it’s not sex outside of the bedroom.
I was talking to my best friend’s mom recently, and I asked her questions about her marriage of over 30 years.
(If you’ve read my articles for any length of time you’ll know that I’m obsessed with knowing what makes long-term relationships thrive.)
I asked her what she thought made her relationship work so well. I asked her what excited her about her husband. I asked her what sort of things got better with time in her marriage.
But it was her answer to “What do you like the most about your husband?” that stuck with me the most.
She answered my question with a short story.
She said “A few days ago I was sitting at home on one of my days off. I was sitting, reading quietly, and I had a nice perfect-temperature cup of tea sitting next to me on my side table. And I looked around the house and thought ‘Where did he say he was going to again?’, and then I remembered that he had gone off to play touch football with his friends in the park. This is a tradition that he has been carrying on for at least the past five or six years now with the same core group of friends he’s known since his university days. Anyways, I remember feeling filled with an overwhelming feeling of contentment that he was doing this. And it was such a big feeling that I started asking it questions. ‘Why am I so happy about this? Is it the fact that we’re apart? Is it that I get to have some quiet time to myself?’… and then I realized it was because he was prioritizing his own happiness and he had cared enough about himself, and in my mind our relationship, that he wanted to make sure he was always in a good place for us. He is very proactive about making sure he’s in a good place. And it’s so nice to be married to a happy man.”
In summary, self-care is sexy.
Whatever it is that charges your batteries, caring about yourself to the level that you prioritize non-negotiable time in your weekly calendar to make yourself happy is one of the greatest things you can do for your love life.
As the emerging cliché goes, when the oxygen masks drop down in the airplane we’re always instructed to put on our own masks first. That is because we are of no use to others unless we take care of our own needs first.
So whether that looks to you like meditating, getting massages, going to the gym, having regular guys’ nights, taking baths, going to sporting events, watching movies, working on a long-term creative project, or whatever else your heart desires, taking care of yourself will always funnel excess positive energy into your intimate relationship.
Not only does self-care make you feel better day to day, it makes you more productive at work, decreases the number of arguments you’re likely to engage in with your partner, and makes your sex life better. Why? Because the lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels you’ll have in your body, the less likely you are to pick fights and the more likely you are to enjoy passionate, present-minded sex with your lover.
So if you find yourself wishing for a better relationship, a better sex life, or a better overall quality of life, you might want to start by looking into your own daily habits.
How could you prioritize yourself more?
What kinds of things do you know that you love doing, but that you haven’t actually set aside the time to do in a while?
What is your heart yearning for?
We’ve all heard that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy… well, most people don’t enjoy being in relationships with ‘dull’ people.
So brainstorm some self-care activities, dust off your calendar, and start prioritizing your personal enjoyment outside of your relationship.
—
—-
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD_FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
◊♦◊
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free–
—-
You might also like these From The Good Men Project:
Compliments Men Would Love to Hear More Often | Thirty-One Reasons Men Don’t Cheat | What Makes a Man Attractive? | Here’s What Happens When You Find The One |
If you enjoyed this post, you might also love reading:
What Women Say Bothers Them In Bed
How To Dial Up The Sexual Polarity In Your Relationship
How To Figure Out What Your Ideal Sex Life Looks Like
—
You can see more of Jordan’s writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
With all of the demands of life – friends, family, events, work etc – and instant gratification always beckoning – things that feel good in the moment but do negitive damage when it comes to self-care – how do you suggest one makes self-care a priority? On a night when you know you need to do something recharging (massage, play music, read a book, watch a movie, get an early night’s sleep etc), it is so easy to be drawn to instantly gratifying things or things we think we “should” be doing: staying up late with a girl, eating junk… Read more »
Great question Sean. Do you feel guilty when you plug in your cell phone at the end of your work day? Of course not. It needs power and so you plug it in. And yet we often feel guilty when we take time for ourselves. When you make your self-care a non-negotiable priority (that you put into your calendar and follow through with) then it will be come easier with time. It took me many years to get to this place, but now my self-care/happiness rituals are as commonplace as brushing my teeth or drinking a smoothie in the morning.… Read more »
Aaah, the insights of old age… 🙂
I think that every relationship I was in during my 20’s and 30’s, me trying to get some self-care time to pursue my interests or just hang out with my friends was Always on of the most frequent causes of a fight.
Thank you for sharing, and I’m glad your friend’s mom arrived at this.
Excuse me, but 30 years of marriage doesn’t mean a person is in “old age,” unless they weren’t married until at least 40 to 45-years-old. Just sayin’.
Excellent insight. Not taking care of myself and prioritizing my happiness is probably the single biggest reason for the ending of my marriage. Much has changed now but it was a very expensive lesson. Thanks for pointing this out.
What a lovely story from your friend’s mom, Jordan. Thanks for sharing. That drives home this really good point. I appreciate your article.
Thanks Jason! I appreciate you saying so. She’s certainly a wise woman 🙂