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About Tom Matlack

Tom Matlack is the co-founder of The Good Men Project. He has a 18-year-old daughter and 16- and 7-year-old sons. His wife, Elena, is the love of his life. Follow him on Twitter @TMatlack.


  1. Mike Sorenson says:

    Yours is an incredible story Tom, thank you for sharing it. Very few of us will ever reach the extremes detailed here, but I am certain at least parts of this story will ring true for most men as they did for me.

  2. Your story is absolutely riveting. It is so refreshing to read such honesty, openness, and vulnerability from a man. As a woman who’s loved men and always sought to better understand them, I appreciate the contribution of this article. I know it doesn’t speak for all men, but it does speak with exquisite eloquence for one.

    Thank you. Truly.


  3. THis is so beautifully written. Your honesty is searing and brutal. I love how you don’t pretend to have it all wrapped up now. Just living life as you now understand it. No wonder the GMP has helped so many and changed the way we discuss manhood. Thanks for sharing this so well.

  4. Wow Tom – thanks so much for sharing. It is also so amazing to me what happens when we connect with one another at a heart level. Your vulnerability and honesty is courageous. Apparently you still like that risk taking. :)

  5. Tom Matlack says:

    Mike, Eden, Laura & Dan. Thanks all for your kind words of encouragement.

  6. Josh Smith says:

    That was beautiful, congratulations for pulling back from the brink.

  7. Thank you for your unwavering honesty. The heart transcends the mind.

  8. Hi Tom,

    I’ve read this before and been moved by it, Today, I was particularly struck by the following line:

    “that a good man seeks the truth about him­self rather than cov­er­ing up one lie with another one.”

    It seems so simple and I suppose it is once you realize this truth.

  9. wow…what an amazing sotry. I had no idea about your alchohol struggles. It is amazing how the most simple thing can seem so extraordinary, huh?

    Well done, Tom.

  10. **** “it finally came to me that a good man seeks the truth about himself rather than covering up one lie with another one.” ****

    It was that point when/where I realized the man I should have been would never be, unless I dealt with the truth of Rob.

    A very painful article Tom…and a very encouraging one as well.

  11. Wow…that was quite a trip into your psyche! Thank you for sharing that!

    I could never quite understand what drove my ex to turn to alcohol and other substances (in excess before he met me)….he said it was to numb out the pain he felt…when I asked him what pain, he tried to explain by telling me how he felt abandoned in the hospital when he perforated his appendix at age 12 and screamed from the pain of peritonitis while the priest read him the last rites (3 times!)….he tried to tell me how guilt-ridden and destroyed he felt after his younger sister died in a car accident at age 17 and how his mother made him feel that he was partly responsible…He said the allure of illicit drugs and alcohol was euphoria or numbness, which was much better than the self-recrimination and damning guilt he felt all the time…He got off the drugs and the alcohol (actually, he would still continue to drink on and off although he claimed it was less than before) when he began to know me….later on, I became the next addictive substance for him (although I couldn’t see it at the time)…

    Thank you for illuminating the demons that tortured you in the past…I hope they are all finally gone or at least manageable….My ex used to rub his eyebrows together like he had the worst stress headache ….but he never really fully disclosed what was up in that head of his….He always kept so much from me…it wasn’t until 2 decades later that I finally discovered what his real goals were and what he had really wanted from me….Thanks for digging deep…I think I am starting to solve the mystery of my ex…so much had been left unsaid….

    • Tom Matlack says:

      I think this is one of the fundamental roles that hopefully GMP can play Leia–getting to a truth about manhood that women can see and understand with compassion.

  12. Tom,

    It took me a while to come up with the words to say how much I appreciate this piece. After a going through a personal crash recently myself, like a few other people have commented, this quote made everything so clear:

    “A good man seeks the truth about him­self rather than cov­er­ing up one lie with another one.”

    Crisis always gives us a new perspective on our life purpose and I’m glad you have found yours in GMP.

    Thank you for this.

    Peace and Love…

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