We’ve all fallen for someone who didn’t love us. But, can we change someone’s mind and convince them to fall for us? This writer says, ‘yes’.
The first woman I ever fell in love with didn’t feel the same way about me. This wasn’t some sort of crush either. I really did fall in love and she really didn’t care for me that much. Sure, we would see each other pretty regularly. She was happy to see me, but not exactly for the same reasons as I was. I was happy just hanging out with her.
She was happy when we were f*cking. Which, what can I say, worked for me – at first anyway. I basically chased after her for two years – two long emotional rollercoaster years. Thankfully, my patience paid off and she ended up falling for me. Sure, it took a lot of heartache, headache and boxes of condoms, but I got her to fall for me in the end. This taught me two things. One: There are people in this world worth chasing. And two: It is possible to make someone fall for you even if she refuses to do so for years.
Love is a very complicated thing because it requires two people – two individuals who are usually as different as they are similar. Love itself is not something that exists outside the people who feel that they are in love. If that were the case, then every time one person fell in love with another, the other would automatically fall in love as well.
I really wish it were that simple, but believe me when I tell you it isn’t. Many of you have probably been in a similar situation to the one I described above and can likewise vouch that being in love with someone does not guarantee that this person will love you back. However, like beauty exists in the eyes of the beholder, love exists in the mind of the lover. For this reason, it is possible to make someone fall in love with you.
I should probably first start by saying that sometimes you simply can’t and won’t make some people fall for you. Love isn’t purely rational and sometimes people fall for people that they will never have. This is the reality that we all live in. Just because you feel a certain way about a person does not guarantee that this person will or can feel the same way about you. In order to love people, they have to fill certain needs.
We have to be sexually attracted to them. We have to find their personality appealing. We have to somewhat understand the way they think and appreciate the way they think. There has to be a sort of physical chemistry as well that helps push those emotions from our minds into our bodies so that we literally feel that we are falling in love.
It gets even more complicated when you think about all the little things that we find that we don’t like about people – things that have become engrained in us, starting at a very young age. All of this leads to the reality of the situation. All these things about a person that bother us make it difficult for us to be happy and being happy is what love is all about.
It isn’t always the imperfections that people see in you that makes them not love you. It gets even more complicated because falling in love isn’t just about meeting the right person. It’s about meeting the right person at the right time – at a time when you are capable and willing to fall in love.
If the individual you love isn’t in the right state of mind to love you then that person won’t love you. If he or she is not willing to fall in love, if he or she isn’t willing to consider the possibility that he or she may love you, then he or she will never love you. It’s not about falling in love, it’s about letting yourself fall in love. It’s about opening yourself up and making yourself vulnerable – something that many people refuse to do.
However, things like this do change with time. In my case, it took two years. In other cases, it takes much less time. What it really depends on is how well you can fill that person’s needs. If you can make him or her happy, satisfied, make him or her feel safe with you and trust you, then in time there is a good chance that he or she will fall for you.
The happier you make that person, the more likely it is that he or she will fall in love with you. Why? Because love and happiness are very closely related. Being in love is being happy. Being capable of making someone happy is the most appealing quality a person can possess. If you are in love with someone and believe that this person can one day love you, but simply aren’t in the right place in his or her life, then just make that person happy every time that you see him or her.
After a while, the correlation of happiness with that person’s interaction with you will lead him or her to be happy every time that this person sees you – he or she will be happy with the anticipation of happiness. If you really love someone then I don’t recommend that you give up on that person.
But keep in mind one very important thing: If you love someone then your one and only job as a lover is to make that person happy. If you don’t believe you can make him or her happy then accept the fact that it will never work.
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Originally appeared at Elite Daily / Photo Elite Daily
About the author: A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and the two entrepreneurial endeavors he is currently pursuing: a mining company in Turkey and a video content platform called lilHub. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.
Very unhealthy. You just taught her you don’t respect yourself and will be in a compromised position when the honeymoon is over. I don’t trust this kind of snake oil talk. If a woman doesn’t like or want me, she has a reason. You are going down the wrong path of people pleasing for the prospect of love. What if she is faking? See what she’s like when she’s angry at you. If it is over the top, the fascade is up.
QUOTE: “And two: It is possible to make someone fall for you even if she refuses to do so for years. As a woman who was stalked for years by a man who “loved” me and was going to “make” me love him and who swore to love me until the day I died, I have exactly this to say: Grow up. Respect a woman’s agency and her right to love or not love as it suits her. Cut the male privilege cr@p and accept that her thoughts/feelings on the matter are as important as yours–and if she says “no”,… Read more »
I hate to be negative, but … the message of this article is deeply unhealthy. You cannot “make” soneone love you. Do not waste your time trying to win over someone who doesn’t share your feeling. you will be better off moving on to find the people who DO love you.
The author sounded a little stalkerish, actually. I’m glad it worked out for him but as a general strategy, I think it is a dangerous message.
First of all, people’s feelings works in very diferent ways, as the author said, there’s a chance that the other persons never love yo back and that’s true, if you want, you can try, but you must understand that there is no magical way to thad, but a constant work, and that works for everything that is worth a try. I’m in a friends with benefits relationship, i fell in love, of course i wish he love me back, but i know there’s a high chance that never hapend, he had a past relationship, where he gave so much of… Read more »
This gives me hope , as I have loved a friend for years….I melt at the thought of him, sure I date other men but he has my heart no matter how hard I try to move on……and he loves me ” as a friend” so that is the foundation of any relationship…..only time will tell….
This is anecdotal evidence and its a dangerous article. Things should flow naturally. You got lucky, but if a stalker reads this…
I see what you saying, but in the same note…The type of person who can give to another unselfishly is also the same type of person who is secure in who and what they are. It is true that you can’t give love to someone else unless you love yourself first (there’s a difference between selfishness and self respect). It’s also true that happiness comes from within; However, there are two different types of happiness this man is talking about. No, you can’t make someone else happy if they aren’t happy with themselves but if they are happy with themselves… Read more »
@ John
“You can’t make anyone happy they have to make themselves happy. You are mistaken on that one.”
It’s not an issue of making someone happy. It’s an issue of whether that’s your job or as the author indicates your only job. You should make someone happy because it makes you happy to see them happy not because of an obligation or responsibility to them.
“But keep in mind one very important thing: If you love someone then your one and only job as a lover is to make that person happy.” You’re only responsibility is to make yourself happy. No one is responsible for your happiness and conversely you’re not responsible for anyone else’s. I do believe that you could “make” someone fall in love with you, but I’m not sure that it’s really love. So do you believe that her only job now is to make you happy or has love been defined differently for her? A friend of mine seems to have… Read more »
I have to agree with this too. As a woman I’ve had a few guys fall in love with me, many at the same time. if they all believe that they can just decide for me, that’s messed up. My wishes need to be respected.
Yes respecting someone’s personal boundaries are very important. Based on this article, this guy did just that. He gave her all the time and space she needed, etc…didn’t over step those boundaries and was there for her. In these ways he respected her and showed that he did. This makes people feel safe. He was honest and made her feel secure. I mean he doesn’t go into detail on what exactly he did but he makes it very clear that he respected her the whole time. He used the word “safe” and I think sometimes people get confused on what… Read more »
I never get feelings for anyone so it feels like my brain and body have been kidnapped.
Happening to me right now. Met someone who I felt a connection with unlike anything I have felt with anyone in years. We went out several times, spent a lot of time together and the last time we were together, we exchanged a gajillion kisses and it felt like my head was in a cloud but since then not much of anything. The last time I reached out to him he simply never responded and I’ve not heard from him since. I didn’t reach out to him again because I know logically that if he wanted to reach out to… Read more »
This isn’t completely false. My ex boyfriend also got me to fall in love with him by just making me feel so loved and special
TL;DR: Make yourself miserable while fostering an unhealthy level of codependency on yourself at the same time. I did it, and so can you! What a crock. Seriously, so many things that have the “Love” tag recently have been complete and utter nonsense. If the object of your affections (or SO) can’t see the things that make you unique while accepting you, warts and all, for who you are (and you can’t do the same for them)*, then blindly chasing after them isn’t what I would call healthy. When the relationship is more important to you than you are to… Read more »
Seriously? How many healthy lasting relationships have you had? You obviously don’t even know what love truly is. Based on your response, you seem to not truly understand what it entails. The kind that lasts 50 or 60 years until death? You will never have it unless you open your mind. This level of love has nothing to do with codependency. This is about self sacrifice which is the polar opposite of codependency. Your type of advice is why marriages and families are falling apart everywhere! Love is giving all to another and self respect is making sure that it… Read more »
Excellent article! Although I don’t necessarily agree that it is healthy to pursue someone that has made it clear they are not interested, I do believe in way you went about proving your love to her. Love is all about sacrifice and making another person happy. The catch is you have to make sure they have your best interests at heart too. It should be a two-way street of mutual love and devotion to the relationship. It should be two people giving their all to each other to secure the relationship. It needs to be built on openness, honesty, and… Read more »