The True Love Story of the Neurotic Christian and the Bipolar Secular Humanist

Shawn Maxam discusses how he found the right person for him by admitting that he was wrong about her.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

- Lao-Tzu

I am of the opinion that nothing contributes to optimum mental health than a wonderful partner. Can the single individual be happy? Of course! One shouldn’t rely on others for happiness but also one should never deny that someone can help make you happy. Here are a few words about my story:

Rewind to the past: So five years ago is when I first met her. She looked nothing like I expected since we had only initially corresponded via email. She was smiling when I went to shake her hand and said “you thought I was a guy didn’t you?”. Truthfully I didn’t know what gender this person who had sent me an angry email was. I knew they were Black of course hence the outrage. I could expound upon on what are our disagreement was about…but it’s inconsequential to this story.

We decided to sit in the college’s cafe and discuss our differences. She shared her ideas and annoyed me quite a bit. I was getting a lot of feedback and my brain was about to explode. But I still thought she was cute and amiable. Over the next few years she would occupy a weird space in my life. She was more than an acquaintance but less than a friend.

Whenever we did run into each other we always had a very meaningful conversation. Not just the bullshit small-talk that must people attempt to engage you in. I liked her as a person so I always made an attempt to at least stay connected to her via email and at least later Facebook.

She was an interesting person but she seemed very busy and almost untouchable. Not in a Queen Elizabeth II sense but more akin to our planets orbiting different suns. I incorrectly labeled her as high maintenance. I now know all women are high maintenance-LOL! She seemed to be a very classy lady who seemed a lot more serious than she actually is.

You never know where you will find your true love and partner. You can never predict what they will look like, what they will believe, where they will come from etc. And honestly you shouldn’t because you’ll probably be ignoring the one person who you have always been looking for.

Fast forward to the present: The more I get to know her the more attractive she becomes. I see her flaws, idiosyncrasies and fears. Her humanity continues to bleed through. I’ve always despised perfection because it’s so unrealistic. Many young women of my generation either desire to be perfect, live perfect lives and have perfect relationships while constantly trying to fix their imperfect boyfriends and husbands. I am fortunate that my partner embraces the beautiful uncertainty of being fallible while having a wonderful sense of humor to cope with it all.

Luckily our relationship is blossoming when my emotional maturity is catching up to my physical maturity. I was never as chauvinistic as most of my friends but I did embrace certain notions of sexism. I have more self-control and emotional discipline now. These are essential to making a long-term monogamous relationship work.

She is unlike any woman I have ever known. I hope that she learns to trust me and that I never betray that trust. I hope that we both honor the uniqueness of our relationship and understand that the journey of other people’s relationship is unlike our own. I never had a positive model of a successful couple growing-up (outside of the Huxtables) but I believe with her a happy marriage is attainable.

I hope that whenever thoughts of doubt creep into her mind that I will be able to reassure her with my actions (past, present and future). I hope she will forgive me for mistakes and even better forget about them.

I’m quite astounded that she has turned out to be nothing like I thought. This is why I always shrug my shoulders while discussing the problems of couples. Most people claim that x guy or x girl seems nice when engaging in these conversations. I have now realized that the people we have intimate relationships with probably witness the truest representation of ourselves. We are raw and very tender in what we often hope is a safe space to express our vulnerability without judgement or repercussion.

You never know where you will find your true love and partner. You can never predict what they will look like, what they will believe, where they will come from etc. And honestly you shouldn’t because you’ll probably be ignoring the one person who you have always been looking for.

***I wrote the above a year ago. Today she is my wonderful wife***

It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn’t love you were in. There are no ‘exit’ signs in love, there is only an ‘on’ ramp.

-Anonymous

Have any stories of your own? Comment below!