Even long-time users can get into some bad habits. Darianna Jones has a list of things to put on your “Don’t” list.
Facebook is a magical place where people connect, share ideas, form lasting (usually one month tops) internet bonds, and annoy the crap out of one another. Most of the time, it isn’t intentional, but it still needs to be addressed. As ever, we’ve got you covered with a list of things you need to stop doing on Facebook.
1. Poking
No, we don’t mean THAT kind of poking, pervs. In real life, this borderline romantic gesture is creepy on its own. Someone you hardly know trying to poke you for no particular reason? Let’s leave this feature alone.
2. Sending Pointless Event Invites
We’re so excited that your Baby Shower/Poetry Slam is coming up next week. However, we don’t live in Albuquerque, New Mexico, or New Mexico for that matter. You’ll be cheered on in spirit, of course, but do we really need to be “invited” to the event and receive a flood of notifications for an event we clearly won’t be able to attend?
3. Typing in ALL CAPS FOR EVERY. SINGLE. POST.
Typing in caps is a great way to add an accent to what you’re typing. “JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK. BOUT TA CLOCK OUT DO!” implies that you’re very loud, obnoxious, and generally unpleasant to be around. We get it. Sometimes, you’re just angry. But if you’re angry 24/7, there are a number of programs out there designed to help you find your root. Facebook is no such program.
4. Responding to Mass Messages
Mass messages are a great way to get a message out to several people at once. Unfortunately, everyone the message gets sent to is able to “contribute” to the conversation. And some people just like to watch themselves type. Instead of responding to the mass message and annoying everyone involved with constant notifications, send a message to the sender if you have anything else to add.
5. Liking Your Own Statuses/Photos/Videos/Comments
Liking your own status, aka high-fiving yourself, is entirely unnecessary. By posting whatever you have posted, you are already indicating that you “like” it. So, why do you feel the need to “like” it again? Oh, that’s right. Because if no one ends up liking it you’re a loser, and losers will lose all of their friends, grow facial warts, have their teeth fall out, and every crush they had in high school will show up at their doorstep just to tease them about it. It’s all clear now.
6. Posting Things Like “Who’s up and down to text?”, “LMS”, “Like for a tbh. I’m doing ALL!” to Get Your Crush to Notice You
When someone posts “Who’s down to text?” they’re not asking their friends or family to check in with them, so don’t waste your time. What they’re doing, in fact, is casting out a line, hoping with all their being that the person they are sexually/romantically interested in will read their post and enthusiastically respond. Of course, it would be easier for them to just man up and go for it, but whatever.
7. Telling People What You Did at the Gym
We get it. You’ve completely turned over a new leaf and want to get as toned down as possible for the summer. Just remember that you still have to keep up the habit once you figure out people aren’t as interested in your new transformation as you thought.
8. Getting Irritated When an Important Social Event, Such As a Presidential Election, Is Being Discussed By a Majority of Your Friends
Yes, the presidential election is actually more important than the 10 pictures you just posted of your dog staring blankly at the camera in the same, pitiful position. That’s why people are talking about the election. New president. Your dog. Do the math.
9. “Like This Or You’re Going to HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!!1!”
“Like this if you would let Jesus In”, “Like for Heaven, Ignore for Hell”, because if it were really that easy the world would be such a better place, right? As with normal, every day, Christian scaremongers who are more concerned with keeping people out of Hell than helping them get to Heaven, it’s best to just try your hardest to be a good person.
10. Doing Anything and Everything to Get Likes
Whether it’s stealing your statuses from websites like “FunnyFacebookStatuses.com” to get likes, begging people to “lms if you love God” or sharing half-naked photos of yourself for more attention, always be aware there is more to life than social media. The number of likes something has doesn’t determine its importance, only its popularity. And since most of us are no longer in high school, who effing cares?
What do you think? Leave a Comment!
Originally published on boldandsugar.com.
Photo by Dimitris Kalogeropoylos/Flickr
Lol… Quite a funny post. Thnks!
Liking your own status actually helps a lot of your friends to see it…..which is good if it is something you want them to see….just so you know 🙂
Im certainly glad i need no one to tell me what i can and cannot do on facebook…or any other site for that matter. People get so uptight trying to gain a sense of empowerment over others…always trying to tell someone what to do…sheesh
This is me agreeing with you. I think I shall start liking my own post now, just because I can’t.
No I will not LIKE this pages
How about stop capping Every Word In A Sentence? …………..
#11 should be “never (or quit if you’re doing it) tell people what to do. If you don’t like it, un-friend them, unsubscribe from that mass-messaging thing, or grow a backbone and ignore it! No one likes political or religious evangelicals, telling you what to do or what not to do, so why do you think non-religious/political orders will be felt any differently? No one likes, nor needs to be told what to do on social media by anyone except their own wants/needs and the law. You are not the law.
I think liking your own posts MAY increase it’s visibility?
My understanding is if you want your post to rise to the top in case it was buried (because it wasn’t noticed at 3:00 am when first posted) you should “Like” your post.