Premature Ejaculation: It’s not funny. Not to anyone.
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I’ll never forget reading Ernest Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises in college, and being jealous of the way the central protagonist’s erectile disorder (then called impotence) was characterized. Jake was a World War I veteran and his impotence was a symbol of the emasculation so many vets felt at the time. Why was I jealous? Because his impotence was treated with respect and dignity and, in a paradoxical way, seemed to make him even more masculine.
Why was I jealous? Because his impotence was treated with respect and dignity and, in a paradoxical way, seemed to make him even more masculine.
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Meanwhile I was suffering gravely from another male dysfunction, premature ejaculation, which was considered anything but masculine. PE was the butt of jokes in movies like American Pie and Something About Mary. As erectile disorder (ED) entered the mainstream with the promotion of Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis, premature ejaculation seemed to get pushed farther into the shadows.
My personal goal for the last 15 years has been to take PE out of the shadows; to turn it from a source of shame into a subject of serious conversation. And the first way to do that is to debunk some of the crippling myths that surround PE:
PE is only a problem for young men
Men of all ages can suffer from PE. While it is seen more often in younger men, it’s been my experience that men who struggle with PE at a young age often don’t just grow out of it. PE remains a lifelong issue. Many people think that PE is just a sign of sexual immaturity and don’t realize it’s actually a serious condition.
PE is sexual selfishness
Many people think that PE is just a sign of sexual immaturity and don’t realize it’s actually a serious condition.
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PE doesn’t just impact the man who has it, but can also impact his sexual partner. ED and PE can impact partners very differently. While with ED a partner may think they are unattractive or undesirable, with PE partners may first think their partner is so attracted to her that he can’t hold back. Because of this, a partner of someone suffering from PE may soon believe that their partner is sexually selfish and doesn’t care about his partner’s pleasure. This isn’t true. Men with PE care deeply about pleasuring their partner and often suffer from severe feelings of guilt because of their inability to please their partner.
PE comes from incorrect masturbation styles
Studies show that men who suffer from PE don’t masturbate incorrectly or any differently than any other man. They don’t have any abnormal psychosexual issues. There’s nothing wrong with them mentally. Most studies suggest that PE is actually just a genetic and inheritable condition that is related to a person’s natural balance of dopamine and serotonin.
The punchline: There are treatments for PE
So, now that we know the myths surrounding PE, how can we start rectifying this?
The more commonly discussed ED has drug solutions such as Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis, but PE sufferers aren’t as lucky. Yes, anti-depressants such as SSRIs have the side-effect of delaying ejaculation, (but often come with too many other side effects), and the behavioral interventions such as squeeze and stop-start can be of limited effectiveness. Additionally, there is a new FDA compliant spray on the market called Promescent. When sprayed on before sex, it may help a man to last much longer. PE really requires robust combination therapy from a biopsychosocial perspspective.
But until more options are developed, the best thing we can do to treat is PE is to treat the stigma around it.
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Photo: Getty Images
…and the awareness bar also rises my friend.
It does so when men brave such waters as you have here.
Well done. My respect.