Four invaluable life lessons learned from four unique men.
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We all step back and take stock of our lives at some point. Taking stock of where we are at ensures we don’t have to correct our courses as a humans. When things are going smooth and stable, taking stock is easy:
- Is the dog fed?
- Bills paid?
- Roof not leaking?
If those basics are in place, we move on with the world and continue on our merry ways, undeterred.
But when you are in the middle of making a career change, like I am right now, the general metrics don’t apply. Instead, taking stock takes some deeper reflection:
- What can I do?
- What have I done?
- What will I do next?
I took a big step back to take stock of where I am right here and now. Funny enough, I found four different men who had given me some vital life skills. Skills that even if the career change doesn’t work out, I know I will survive!
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Lesson From a Man One: Time
On a Thanksgiving many moons ago, Man One and I were chopping onions in the kitchen. He took the opportunity to explain the physics of time to me… and I almost got it!
String theory was popular at the time, and he used the onion rings to fashion a view of it.
I followed his explanation well. Yet, I was more enthralled with the fact that he created a portal for me. A meta-understanding of what existed outside of that kitchen, outside of New Jersey. This was also a man who knew where to get a keg at 10 pm on a Sunday night. Knowledge of both of these spheres of ability has served me well over the years.
Stock Check: Always recognize that whatever you are learning, however you learn, even if it wasn’t what you were being taught, it is yours to have, no matter how humble your brain might be.
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Lesson From a Man Two: The Perfect Manhattan
Man Two was a “River Rat”- a deadhead who had renounced all the illicit substances. On slow nights he would teach me how to make the old school cocktails.
The perfect Manhattan is as follows:
- Put 3 cubes into a martini glass, squirt a bit of water off the gun in.
- Swirl cubes until the glass becomes opaque, making it look like a window after first frost.
- Fill your shaker with ice, and toss in the bitters (one shake), a half shot of sweet vermouth, and a half shot of dry.
- Make a mahalo gesture, the cubes will dance together in there. When you hear they have melted, just a little bit, pour the whiskey over it.
- Say hello and goodby again, and pick up the martini glass.
- Flick the glass into the sink, and hear the now useless cubes go “clunk” .
- Toss a maraschino cherry in there, grabbing one for yourself as you go. Knot the stem with your tongue .
- Lift the shaker high, and let the stream pour steady into the glass, the warm brown red engulfing the neon crimson of the cherry.
- Twist a lemoney twist and voila—perfection!
- Present it to the customer with a wide smile.
The perfection of his Manhattan wasn’t all in the ingredients and their measure. His performance was the perfect complement to the drink.
Stock Check: Ritual can be almost as important as the product.
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Lesson From a Man Three: Fire
I fell for Man Three who regularly jumped out of planes in the dark and survived.
He did not return the favor of falling for me, but I keep going. Before he flew off to jump out of more planes, he taught me to make fire without having to carry extra weight.
- Be in a place where making a fire is necessary.
- Look up at the sky, and see the stars winking down at you.
- Decide they should have a reflection from the ground.
- Extract a cotton swab from your waterproof bag.
- Unravel the cotton tip, and use the stick as kindling for the dry wood you have already gathered.
- Pull your hoodie over your head, spark the cotton and shield the spark from the wind, letting it cancel out the darkness.
- Watch it spread, and hear it speak to you.
- Ignore the sounds of the beasts outside the ring of warmth and light.
Stock Check: Know that you can make your own fire, with no help from anyone else.
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Lesson From a Man Four: The Road
This one came from a group of men. We determined this in our twenties over dinner tables and on the basketball court.
- You are always on your road.
- Sometimes it feels like you have stepped off it, and are thrashing through the jungle. You are.
- You are still moving – sometimes forward, sometimes back. But the road remains beneath your feet.
- Look forward and move.
- There are no other options.
Stock Check: No matter how overwhelmed you may feel—the world is unfolding as it should.
Life is one challenge after another. During the battles of those challenges, you may forget what you know, feel overwhelmed and start to doubt yourself. This is normal. Stand up, brush yourself off, and begin again.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Bravo, Risa.
The points you make about the inner drive, self confidence, and strength which get you through the really challenging times is something that speaks of the masculine aspect in all of us!