Challenging the idea that a rise to power is connected to a show of power, Rena Delevie suggests that innovation, loyalty, and sales actually stem from collaboration and compassion.
—
I was once in a meeting with a CFO and Comptroller. They were both men. The CFO ripped the Comptroller to shreds. Cursing at him and cutting him down with one degrading comment after another. I wanted to disappear into the woodwork. Shortly after we completed the agenda, the CFO turned to the Comptroller and said, “Golf on Saturday as usual?” and the Comptroller replied, “Of course!” They high-fived and walked away.
◊♦◊
I’ve often thought about this experience. It was upsetting that one person spoke to another in such a demeaning way. It made me angry that I was forced to witness and be a silent partner in it; saying anything would have been doubly humiliating for the Comptroller. It confused the heck out of me when they high-fived about golf.
The focus on self as lead ape distracts the man from doing good work as his energy is put into defensive tactics of maintaining his position within the ape community.
|
So what was that all about? It’s not as simple as “men and women are different.” It’s that men are taught that this behavior is not only acceptable, but an effective show of power. The male role modeling at corporations is like two apes beating their chests at each other until one backs down. I don’t mean it’s primal, I mean it’s primitive.
The focus on self as lead ape distracts the man from doing good work as his energy is put into defensive tactics of maintaining his position within the ape community. And it is community; a club of corporate “leaders” who believe they’ve made it to the top because they’re good at what they do.
But what they do is bully. There are female bullies, but my point is that women are not expected to behave this way and men are. Consider the double standard: when a woman is being aggressive, she’s called a bitch; a man being aggressive is called manly. And he gets a chest bump for that behavior.
◊♦◊
Corporate bullying requires three participants – the bully, the recipient and the enabler. We know who the bully and recipient are in the CFO example. The enabler can be a witness like I was, or top management or the Human Resources department that looks the other way. This is the most outrageous aspect of all- the enablers who are in a position of perceived power who do nothing.
By allowing this bullying, fear-based behavior to continue, they are setting up the company for failure. When men are expected to growl at each other instead of connect, collaborate, and communicate, there is a predictable result: creativity is stunted, productivity is sluggish, and duplication of effort abounds. Progress and innovation are stalled. It’s just not a smart way to run a business.
Soon enough, the bully will be surrounded by people who advocate for each other, partner and show respect.
|
We can’t wait for those at the top to change this fear-based approach. Fear is the bully’s greatest tool and he uses it freely because no one is holding him accountable. So we need to hold him accountable, but not in the way you might imagine.
Compassion is a powerful business tool very few people use. It’s the foundation of a successful customer service department, so let’s learn from them and roll it out across the company. Look at Zappos, Trader Joes, and Costco. They expect their staff to connect, collaborate and communicate with their end client AND colleagues, direct reports and boss. These companies practice Compassionate Management and it pays off. They have constant innovation, staff loyalty and rocketing sales.
But my company isn’t that progressive, you may say. That’s ok. Start with you. Find compassion for your office bully; this lost soul who is caught up in positioning himself as the alpha male in order to keep his job and pay his rent. And find compassion for yourself for having to work with him. Begin to connect, collaborate and communicate with colleagues on a daily basis. This modeling will ripple out and you’ll find others doing the same. Soon enough, the bully will be surrounded by people who advocate for each other, partner and show respect. When he tries his bully BS, it will fall on deaf ears. There’s no place for fear anymore and that ripples out, too.
We can shift the expectation of men as primitive apes to a more respectful, and accurate, expectation of an evolved human being who seeks to connect, collaborate and communicate. It’s smart business.
Rena Delevie is also the author of “Management is More Than Body Parts and Hormones.”
Picture: Flickr/Joey Lax-Salinas