When traumatic news events trigger past trauma for the PTSD survivor.
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“ My heart goes out to all those affected by the senseless Paris attacks. I’m lost for words by the stupidity of it all. #JeSuisCharlie ”
That was all I could post in response to what happened.
I barely used my Twitter account after the attacks, I have been “not writing” this post for a week.
Before I go any further, I’d like to convey my deepest condolences and sympathies to all of the families and friends of those murdered and injured in the atrocities in Paris. To the people of France, my heart is with you…
This is the ninth or tenth time I’ve attempted this post. Since the attacks, my head’s been a bit of a mess.
It re-triggered a lot for me. Not that I have ever been close to a combat situation, witnessed executions, been held hostage, or had to kill to save others.
But I’ve been there when countless people died around me while for no real reason my life was spared. I’ve experienced the guilt of not being able to save people, recovering the severely injured & dead but worst of all I’ve felt the pain of watching someone finding their loved one’s dead body. For me, it’s something that’s never really left me. I’ll never forget how brutal that was, I’m finding this hard to write. I’m not sure where I’m going with this…
For almost two years prior to my PTSD treatment, I had real difficulty watching the news.
Things in my life were rapidly spiraling out of control. Growing up reading the Guardian and watching the BBC and Channel 4 news almost religiously, social justice and human rights were always important to me. I’d actually feel guilty if I didn’t know what was going on in the world. It got to a point where I was finding difficulty dealing with the trauma I experienced and watching the news would often seriously retrigger the worst of the trauma for me.
It wasn’t always consistent, sometimes I could compartmentalize such tragedies but there were times, it would just destroy me. I would be lost for days, reliving the trauma and the pain that the families involved must have been experiencing just like in the tsunami. In the end, despite feeling guilty about it, I had to just stop watching the news, it became too painful.
I discussed this at length during my trauma treatment. As I got stronger and worked through more of the destructive thought patterns and the intrusive thoughts I was battling, Dr. Jennifer Wild’s support and guidance gradually got me watching the news again. However, despite things being poles apart from before the PTSD treatment, the majority of the time I can deal with the news and the incalculable suffering around the world. There are still times, such as last week, that shatter the progress I have made and the pain of the tsunami feels as presents as it did 10 years ago.
The Paris attacks brought the human loss back to the forefront of my mind.
In the tsunami, the physical trauma didn’t mess me up. It was the human suffering that really traumatised me and that only kicked in after I left Koh Phi Phi island and was in Bangkok sitting next to Katherine’s bed… willing her to pull through and make it out of intensive care… while I was still trying to process what happened in Sri Lanka and the death of some of my relatives in Galle.
Despite being on the other side of the world for the past year, I have really struggled from time to time especially over Christmas and the tsunami anniversary, not to mention ending up in hospital a couple of times. I’ve never felt more homesick than the past week.
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There’s a lot more I’d like to write in detail on several aspects of what happened.
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- How traumatic events can re-trigger past traumas for unrelated trauma survivors
- The importance of freedom of speech – Meeting Saldam Rushdie while working at The River Cafe in London – Voltaire “I don’t agree with what you have to say but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it”
- The history of religion and how different religions developed with the spread of colonialism – The Abrahamic Religions – Christianity, Judaism, and Islam
- The role of religion and belief systems in civilization
- The historical events which have led to such extremism – Persecutions of Jews by Christians over the centuries in Europe which eventually led to the Balfour Declaration, Lawrence of Arabia’s intervention, the bombing of King David Hotel and the eventual formation of Israel in 1948. Added to that there is the incalculable suffering of the Palestinians, whose children are born into a life of despair, trauma, and suffering.
- The other horrific tragedies which have recently occurred which have barely been featured in Western Media such as Boko Haram massacre of 2000 in Nigeria.
- The countless examples throughout history of those in positions of religious authority abusing their power.
- Religion vs Politics, Religion vs Education, Religion vs State, Religion vs Human Rights..
- How far right groups will manipulate the essence of the “Je Suis Charlie” outcry to fuel their own agendas.
- How there can never be justification for the senseless killing of innocent lives whether it be shock and awe modern warfare, drone attacks or terrorist attacks such as the Charlie Hebdo massacre.
However, I don’t think I can write this… not now anyway… ten bullet points do not even scratch at the surface of the problem and don’t do myself, or the parties involved, any justice. I could write a thesis on this and would probably end up being more lost…
I’m not sure how to end this post. I just deleted my initial final paragraph.
I guess the purpose of this rambling was to highlight the mental health impact of such events for those who suffer from PTSD. How we need to really reflect what humans should really stand up for. Personally I think love, compassion, and kindness are the only way we can create an open dialogue, to move forward united as one race—the human race where empathy transcends into genuinely having human rights for everyone.
Previously posted on PTSDJedi
Photo Credit: Getty Images