When a person feels disturbed in some way, they usually desire a deeper human and spiritual connection. The question becomes: Is it even possible to have that connection?
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Taking care of your own soul might not be considered serious business to a man, yet I’d like to propose that not doing so brings on more harm than good. Every day, personal examples of men acting out from inner pain are all around.
Whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual harm and abuse, from an outside source or within, this activity leaves an indelible trail of tears. Just look at your own life or today’s headlines. Hell, look at the lives lived by many men and—no matter how successful, prosperous or joyous their lives are and were—you will see a moment or two of soul-busting pain.
Ask yourself, “What do you do when a disturbed feeling comes over you? Are you even aware of what is going on inside of you?”
I tend to believe people that are highly connected to their own hearts and spirits are definitely rich in love and light. The flip side, of course, is those disconnected see troubles mount up one by one and feel despair and anguish. This leads to depression and even suicide.
Here’s one important point: Men want to be heard and validated. Mind you, this is not from a selfish point of view. There are healthy ways to have this take place.
Before getting to those healthy points, it might be wise to spend time dissecting the troubled soul’s insides.
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If internal emotions and feelings were a deck of cards, then I guarantee you there would be more than 52 of those suckers in the deck. Troubled men seemingly get stuck on three or four of them, and they aren’t all Aces.
Drawing a card from this deck, metaphorically-speaking, shows me “fear.” Fear keeps men from taking action. It keeps them from delving deeper into connection and conversation with their lover or friends. Fear masks itself as anger, frustration and isolation. The soul may know how to escape fearful situations through alcohol abuse, drugs, sex, work, money or “saving the world.” Yet the ancient messages hardwired within a body will replay themselves until death.
Another card drawn reveals “shame.” This powerful emotion leads men to put their heads down, not see themselves worthy of any good thing, and only worth bad stuff. The oft-used definition of shame’s core message is “I am bad” versus “I feel bad”—two totally different takes on that power-filled word.
Wouldn’t it be nice if these cards had a mysterious way of transforming from troubling words into inspirational ones? These newer words and emotions are core points toward getting the soul from Red Alert status into a peaceful place. When a man is heard and validated for his own experiences, there is an awesome sense to that experience that no one can take away.
The ultimate answer for a troubled soul is to figure out what the hell is going on inside you. It might take personal time, professional help, getting away from unhealthy people and situations, and having the guts to turn over a new leaf.
Too many times, I’ve found myself stuck in a pile of woe that grew and grew. No wonder it’s taken a number of years to pull my head out of the fog and see clearer. Troubled souls are good people who have lost their ability to function internally. That life spark has gone kaput.
The conversations that have meant the most to myself and, I believe, other men, too, are when releasing toxic secrets happens. You want to see a miracle? Be in the presence of a man who tells two or three trusted friends about his life. These are the parts of his life that no one has ever heard about. Freeing one’s inner soul of those troubled, buried memories and situations is akin to having an incredible boulder dropping off his shoulders. That sucker has been years in the making, but unloading it once, twice or three times makes a hell of a lot of difference.
His soul is free. The man feels welcome by other men and, yes, even women. Free at last.
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Now that an inner shift has taken place, a man’s next goal is to make sure the balance remains just that … balanced.
How might that look and feel? Every man is different yet shares instinctual drives which are normal. Part of a troubled soul’s journey probably included people interrupting his path toward wholeness. Taking out the barriers to allow a man to mature within can happen. It starts with an inner desire, followed by actions and even a little bit of faith in the process.
Those healthy points include love, nurturing, compassion, empathy, care and safety. Imagine those earlier cards going from “fear” to “love” and “shame” to “safety.” Feel the difference within yourself. Love is a rich emotion that everyone has and deserves plenty of all the time. A joy-filled soul is enriched and filled with love of life and everything that is a part of it. Nurturing might be a new concept because giving your soul space to receive nurture was something you never were taught. Compassion and empathy might have been modeled in some way different from healthiness.
This is the place where you get to step into your own power and make that shift happen. Care and safety? You definitely want this in your life. The more that your soul matures, the more these two will act as buffers from the unhealthy patterns within you. Will there be moments of slipping back into old ways of thinking and feeling? Absolutely. The end goal is to relieve a troubled soul from just that … trouble.
Many men walk around simply unaware of their soul’s emotional state. When the crap hits the fan, then it’s time to wake up. Look within yourself and learn to navigate your insides on a regular basis. Then notice how your soul changes from troubled to peaceful. Yes, it can happen, you can do it and you will be heard.
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Photo: Getty Images
Severe chronic anxiety and depression and all the fear, uncertainty, self doubt, isolation and loneliness led me down the dark path of self soothing with copious amounts of alcohol which led to years of alcoholism and eventually heart failure (alcoholic dilated cardiomyopathy).
‘The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still in them’
Henry David Thoreau
I hate how in our society. saying something like “I want to be validated” makes you an automatic narcissist or a$$hole (look at that guy, he’s so SELFISH). I hate this rhetoric because it’s so new-age and politically correct. I love to validate whatever man I am with and let him know he is boss.
ARE there any men out there feeling unwanted, unneeded and pretty much just like a ghost in their family or even among friends ?
I certainly feel you on this one Magnus. I am lucky to have a very special girlfriend who is the most beautiful person I have ever met. She is my reason for living.