We don’t like talking about ourselves.
_____
A stigma placed on insecure people implies we are undateable.
While we come with a lot of baggage, it just means we’re really good at carrying heavy stuff and are stronger than you think.
We don’t expect you to be our therapists or anything because we’re working on ourselves every day.
But, if you really care to help, try to get to know us a bit better and gain some understanding as to why we think the way we do about ourselves. Have a seat, grab a pencil and take notes.
Here are five things you absolutely must know about dating insecure people:
Trust is the hardest part for us
Honesty is at the core of every relationship (or at least it should be) and though we’d like to believe you when you say you would never lie to us, we know that is also a lie.
We understand this because we lie, too (more than you think).
We lied about not being able to go out the other night because of some unknown obligation that never really existed in the first place; we lied when we told you we weren’t jealous of your good-looking, close friend; saddest of all, we lied about how much we value the love we have for ourselves.
We can’t “just quit” being insecure
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
Everyone is entitled to have his or her own nitpicking moments in the mirror. I do it constantly: “Oh, is that an ab I see? Of course not!” or, “Why didn’t my parents get me braces as a kid?”
And, don’t get us wrong, we know your compliments come from a place of earnest sincerity and we’re appreciative.
It’s just so damn difficult for us to believe in them sometimes. It’s not that we think you’re just kidding us — there’s a whole complex that exists beneath the surface.
We don’t hear the sincerity in your voice; instead, we hear the kids from high school who still haunt and remind us of how unpopular, stupid or unattractive we are.
That sort of mental damage cannot be undone with the switch of a button. So, please bear with us — we really are trying.
We’re not over-dramatic (all of the time)
Raise your hand if you’re admittedly insecure, but more frequently, you’ve been called “over-dramatic.”
Sure, we get riled up over our feelings, and we know it could get to be too much for you. However, it’s not something we do intentionally.
We spend so much time trying to get our sh*t together in our own little worlds that it doesn’t always translate in the best way to the outside world.
No matter how hard we try, we always find ways to go the extra mile to impress you because we don’t want to lose you. So, if you happen to walk in on one of our freak-out moments, please don’t take it personally. It’s all for you.
We don’t like talking about ourselves
“What do you like about yourself?” How about we talk about the things I like instead?
“What do you consider your best feature?” My mind, when it’s not telling me to speak up.
“Why don’t you smile often?” Can we stop now, please?
Just so you know, we’ll be talking about you and all things involving you on the first couple of dates.
We like getting to know you more because it actually helps us let down our walls and eventually open up to you, too. But again, the first few conversations we’ll have will be more or less centered around you, so be ready.
We will love you more than we love us
It’s so sad, but so very true at the same time. We love you. Not like Ashley Simpson’s “L-O-V-E” love, but we really effing love you because you took a chance on us. You picked us!
One thing you can always expect from dating an insecure person is that he or she will be unwaveringly loyal and they will never take you for granted.
We will love you so hard and will go the distance to prove our love for you.
We get that dating someone who is insecure can sometimes be a handful, so thanks for even wanting to get to know us in the first place. You won’t regret it.
by Paris Close
______
It feels this was written just for me, even if I can’t identify with each and every point. Thank you! There’s an awful lot, there’s so much I’d like to write here… I don’t know where to start! So, sorry for the cut-n-paste And, don’t get us wrong, we know your compliments come from a place of earnest sincerity and we’re appreciative. It’s just so damn difficult for us to believe in them sometimes. It’s not that we think you’re just kidding us — there’s a whole complex that exists beneath the surface. We don’t hear the sincerity in your… Read more »
I am an undergrad girl dating a guy who’s working as a ceo of a startup. He usually gets free at midnight. We don’t talk during the day, but I make sure we talk in the night. Sometimes, when he gets tired, that becomes an issue. I am bit of an attention seeker, so sometimes I get upset when he’s busy and not in touch. I get insecure that he might fall for someone at his company, he meets new people, daily, for recruitment purposes. The women who come for interviews are often witty and smart. Beside this, we live… Read more »
Everyone has their insecurities and vulnerabilities….even the most macho, seemingly powerful and aggressive karate master or CEO of a tech company….everyone has to deal with their stuff….some people try to hide it better….
Having no expertise, and only feeling lke I can relate to the article (being of German heritage in the home of a Dutchman who had childhood memories (daymares?) of the Holocaust, yes it took me quite a while to realize I was insecure,…. I always understood myself to have ‘trust issues’. I do believe you need to be present for him Katherine. I don’t know him,…. but IF you really are so unsure where he is standing regarding you; be direct with your feelings and purpose. And GET your clarity. But also be prepared for hard feelings. Simply put, be… Read more »
I am in love with an insecure person. However, I am finding that being on a pedestal is not good. Some how, everything I do has a hidden system of pluses and minuses. He has in his head how things should go, and if they don’t it’s like I’ve let him down. Even the good things I do aren’t good. I live in another state. After a stressful talk during a weekend visit I paid him, I hesitated while trying to find an answer that wouldn’t dissapoint him or be taken wrong. That hesitation left him shut down. Our talk… Read more »