A dating blogger respectfully describes the kinds of women he won’t go out with.
“No, I’m selective.”
This is my go-to defense when someone calls me picky in dating. My argument is I’ll be a headless chicken sprinting in circles if I’m not selective in today’s dating game. No matter how attractive and available a woman is, I won’t hesitate to cross her out if she meets even one of the criteria here.
(Okay, I’ll hesitate for an hour, if she’s really hot. Then I’ll cross her out. Then I’ll cry for a week.)
Women who won’t dance. I dance like a dweeb, but I don’t care. If the mood is right, I’ll be shameless on the dance floor. If she can’t let loose and shake it a little, then I’m sorry. I’ll start dancing with girl next to her.
Women who expect a fancy date from the get-go. First, I don’t know you. Second, you don’t know me. And most importantly, I don’t know you.
Women who dress too casually on a first date. I’m not expecting a gown for the red carpet or a job interview business wear, but I will make effort myself with a sports coat and a tie. With all sincerity, I hope I don’t out-dress my date, because that’ll be embarrassing for both of us.
Women who show too much affection too early. Getting all touchy-feely on a first date? When I didn’t even do much at all? My imagination goes wild, but so does my early warning radar. Too much, too soon, girl.
Women who carry a handbag the size of a baby rhinoceros.
Women who ask me to hold their handbag (of any size) while they go pee. Maybe if the girl and I have been seeing each other for some time, I’ll relent. But on the very first date? Even Will Smith says no to that.
Women who are “exploring” or “figuring things out.” This is almost an euphemism for “I can’t be exclusive with one man.” Even if that isn’t true, she can explore all she wants without me, because I’m busy building, not exploring.
Women who like alcohol more than I do. What’s the craziest cocktail ever invented? Women and booze.
Women in transition. She just moved to this city from far away? Or perhaps she’s in grad school for the next year or two or four? I don’t know what it is with women in transition. They all seem to be unstable, as if literally they are losing their minds while trying to adjust. Don’t let their giddy excitement deceive you.
Women who laugh at their own jokes too much. Actually, anyone who does this is annoying.
Women who don’t like talking on the phone. By title of this blog, one can infer that I like to communicate with my female of interest via telephony. By calling before the date (or after it), I try to break the ice, make a human connection, show her my personality, and attempt a real relationship here. An initial shyness against a phone call is understandable, but that must not last for long. My eyes can’t roll hard enough when a girl says, “But I don’t like talking on the phone.” Please.
Women who hi-jack a date by bringing a friend. C’mon, really? Let’s invite all of our friends, yeah?
Women who still live at home with their parents. There may be legitimate reasons for an adult — woman OR man — to live with the ‘rents, such as unemployment, being a student, or taking physical care of a sick family member. Putting aside these as exceptions, it basically means the individual is simply too comfortable (lazy) or too hesitant (immature) to live on his or her own. Plus, I would hate to imagine I’m keeping my date’s parents waiting for her while we’re out. Then I might as well date a 21 year old. Woo-hoo.
Women who don’t appreciate gentlemanly gestures. As much as I can, I will open doors, grab the check, and be funny (or die tryin’). I don’t expect a Medal of Honor, just a “thank you” would be great. I shake my head when women forget their manners.
Women who don’t have hobbies. Have a life, because I do. It’s like show-and-tell. (Not that kind, you dirty bastard.) Sharing each other’s interests and passions can be very inspiring and stimulating. (Not that kind, you dirty bastard.)
Originally appeared at justcallher.com
Photo h.r. hanes Flickr
Oh come on now… everybody’s got deal killers when it comes to relationships. Frankly, who would want women that do these things? Or a man for that matter.
I have to agree with the two above comments this advice is pretty awful, most of these just show some insecurities that the author has about dating woman and that’s at best at worst they just don’t make any sense.
The type of a man i won’t date: its YOU!
Good luck with your very muscular right hand.
How in the world did this article make it onto this site? I was under the impression that “good men” looked for a human being/counter-point that they share an emotional connection and common interests with. I didn’t realize it was our duty to run the gauntlet of a arbitrary checklist that speaks nothing to who we are as an individuals. I find comfort only in knowing that you are likely to alienate any prospects, because clearly you are not ready to be in an adult relationship. My suggestion is to stop being “that guy”, and focus on the more cerebral… Read more »
How do you call women with lists? Single!
How do you call men with lists? Single!
And they both diserve it, so no need to compete in shallowness. In the meantime, don’t flatter yourself and think you can afford to choose.
Don’t even know this guy, and he’s already telling me how to dress, what to drink, where to live, how to act, what to like?…. CONTROL FREAK. Next.
Had never really considered it, but think I’d avoid dating men who make lists of people they wouldn’t date.
I have a friend who told me that he had a list of things he looked for in a woman. At one point, he decided that instead of forcing himself to find a woman that fit the mold he wanted, he decided to be the kind of man that sort of woman would want to date. Once he made the commitment to be the guy responsible for only himself, then he managed to stumble into a relationship with the perfect woman. The only thing she didn’t have on his previous list? Her eyes were brown, but he admitted that blue… Read more »
This ignorant man has obviously not experienced life. Of he has made anything of himself and is living away from his parents, it’s obviously with his dad’s money. Sometimes people have other reason than “being lazy” to stay with parents…like having a parent with terminal disease and wanting to spend as much time with them as they can. And the ignorant man also contradicts his ideas when he says he indicates to not take the woman out to a fancy date…but then he wants to wear a sports jacket??? Like seriously do you plan on wearing a sports jacket for… Read more »
This guy is a jerk. Can we get some less middle class white American perspectives on this blog? How do you choose what kind of articles you post? I like the idea of creating respect for yourself by having standards in whom you date and knowing what is compatible for you, but this guy is a douche. Too much affection on the first date? And his response – I didn’t do anything. And what if you did do something for her, would you then, by this rational expect something in return, like what? Here’s an idea: An adult woman, is… Read more »
I find the list superficial and immature (no offence) I look for chemistry then everything is secundary. Yes if she drink or smoke ( but a occasional cigarette time to time is not a turn off for me) or use narcotics. But otherwise everthing for me boils down to chemistry and attraction.
Well that’s me out of the running … sounds like a lucky escape, phew!
I don’t like chatting on the phone and I’m AWESOME.
I read this list aloud to my 62 year old mother who said, “The author doesn’t want any woman; he should find a man.”
Indeed a lot of what you have written is petty and shows downright chauvinism at some places.
I’ve held purses for friends before, who gives a damn. Grow up author. I agree with many of the other commenters here.
It’s always made me feel weird, bit I didn’t feel comfortable holding my male friends money pouch either. His sister and aunt were there and I would have much preferred one of them be responsible for it.
Misogyny.
He’s going to miss out on getting to know some very nice women and may be lonely for a very long time. Judging someone on the size of their purse and other blatantly superficial reasons is certainly going to narrow his playing field.
Use this as your online dating profile and see how many dates you get! I don’t dance! Ever! And guess what, I DON’T WANT TO DATE YOU! Bwa ha. Why do guys feel like every women wants them and they are the ones to choose all the time? It’s like when a married guys says to me “Dayam gurl,if i wasn’t married…” (which sadly happens more often than it should) and I’m like, “Yeah, because THAT’S the ONLY reason THIS isn’t happening…” Idiots. I love men until they open their mouths and stupid comes out. (Not ALL men, okay? Calm… Read more »
How is does this, in any way, show the purported goodness of The Good Men Project? It’s dating, not shopping for a used car. Yeesh!
Going off to dance with another woman while your on a date with another, just because you find that she doesn’t dance how *you* want her to dance, is just plain spiteful. It’s totally fine to want someone who enjoys to dance. It’s not fine to ditch your date because she isn’t like you are. That is not “gentlemanly” behavior.
“What’s the craziest cocktail ever invented? Women and booze. ” – Hello misogyny.
I am in total agreement with Tamara. The attitude of this piece is “flippant” and not kind.
That quote about the craziest cocktail really struck a nerve too. What a schmuck.
I would not date men with lists
Amen!
I agree with many replies that point out how lists like this are superficial and miss the heart of the matter of companionship. One particular point that I’d like to respond to is that ruling out all people who live with their parents and are not in a caretaker role, closes a lot of doors to great potential. Adults who live in inter-generational households have many positives and advantages over nuclear families. Cultural traditions, respectful, close relationships with parents, siblings, grandparents are positive qualities in many inter generational households. Also, shared workload, shared care taking of parents and grandchildren, cultural… Read more »
As someone who blogs quite a bit myself on relationships, I respect your ability to put it all out there. AND I think this list is pretty superficial. Size of her handbag? Holding her handbag? Seems to me you’re not looking for love…you’re looking for a checklist. I’ll agree with you on the “let you be a gentleman part and the don’t bring friends on a date”…that would be just rude…But over all, I think your flippant attitude comes through on this post. You’ll start dancing with the girl next to you? What if the love of your life is… Read more »
many of your points strike true with me, but the following part of this article struck a nerve : “I don’t know what it is with women in transition. They all seem to be unstable, as if literally they are losing their minds while trying to adjust. Don’t let their giddy excitement deceive you.” Really? All women in transition seem to be unstable? These types of portrayals of women as ALL “crazy” and “unstable” are detrimental to society. I think most humans tend feel many emotions when it comes to transition, regardless of sex. Yes, maybe anxiety was expressed by… Read more »
So…… As a woman, what am I supposed to DO with this information?? Morph myself into the tightly restricted (barely human) confines of this “ideal”? Is limiting women to “types” helping to advance the cause of understanding and respect between the genders? “Good Man” Project, wherefore art thou?? The author of this piece is clearly struggling with some issues that limit his options in the dating world, and for that I hope he is able to find help. I wish him no ill will. But you, dear GMP, should know better than to present this as an example of a… Read more »
I guess women don’t like it when the shoe is on the other foot?
http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/the-10-types-of-guys-you-should-avoid-dating/avoid_dating/
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a3199/four-guys-you-think-you-should-date-but-shouldnt/
http://elitedaily.com/dating/5-types-of-guys-every-woman-should-avoid-in-the-dating-world/
Notice the overlaps in the Elite list with the guy’s list above.
Is limiting men to “types” helping to advance the cause of understanding and respect between the genders?