Jack Christian tells a story about how he almost blew it when his wife asked him for a kiss.
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“Before we watch this show you need to come over here and give me a kiss,” Anna says from her spot on the blue couch. “And it needs to be a sincere kiss.”
“Do what?”
“Yes,” she says, and puckers her lips. “A sincere kiss.”
She’s proud of this term. She seems to mean it. She would like, in fact requires, a whole-hearted smack-a-roo in which I’ll be forced, momentarily at least, to relinquish my pleasant and low-grade evening preoccupations, to cast them off like a blanket or clothes.
When I remain motionless, she makes a disgruntled noise and goes back to scrolling channels. I stand beside her, hoping to cherry-pick a program I want to watch while she hurries toward the several stations likely to be showing never-ending repeats of Law & Order.
“You haven’t paid any attention to me all day,” she says.
This has been Anna’s complaint too frequently since the semester entered its full-throated mania – that I’m often unsettled, that our quality-time is too limited. Sometimes, she’s more or less right that a day has passed without us so much as brushing shoulders. Other times, she says a thing like this, managing to forget completely a round of very recent kissing or cuddling. But often, no matter what the case, the complaint fails to create in me a real urgency to move. I’m even capable of feeling badly about not moving while still not bending to her wish.
“Not all day,” I say.
Really, I have no idea why I don’t just lean down and give her a kiss. My feeling is that our evenings are too fleeting, my quiet space too scarce, so that in my determination to relax, I refuse to do anything relaxing, and despite my fear we’ll become disconnected, I refuse the brief request to connect.
“All I’m asking is for you to give me a kiss,” she says.
Which sends me back to my study of the guide.
“A kiss,” she says. “For a whole minute.”
This, finally, is the problem. I’m suspicious that after a minute she’ll want us to continue this kissing in the bedroom. More youthful, virile visions of myself to the contrary, the idea of having this kiss escalate to full-on bedroom party requires more energy and concentration than I think I can give. Which is a new phenomenon. I find myself more inclined to let it exist than to give it official acknowledgement. But there it is.
“How long’s a minute?” I say.
Anna’s eyes turn cold, and it looks like I’ve blown it. In my belligerence I may have wound us down into a fight that will surely require my full attention, and will definitely, hopefully, end in a longform makeout session. But, Anna surprises me. Her face goes mischievous and happy again, and she says: “Until I say you can stop.”
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Photo: Flickr/chubstock
I smiled all through this piece because this exact scenario has played out often with my boyfriend and I. It was nice to see the male perspective on it, including some of the comments. To give the female perspective, I will often throw out the “you need to kiss me right now!” comment in a playful way, and I’m often surprised when I’m declined. I think it’s a shy/awkward person’s silly way of flirting or reaching out for a bit of intimacy, so the “you haven’t paid attention to me all day” is defensiveness from embarrassment of being rejected. Sometimes… Read more »
Nice piece….As Men we need to listen to what our wives are not saying…we get what we give to our wives…
As a man, I’m not sure what I would have done myself. I think her tone would benefit from more playful and less demand and yet, she was pretty playful. I tend to hesitate if there’s a subtle tone of “I have rights to you or your resources”. She can ask for what she wants and voice genuine disappointment if that’s how she’s feeling but if I myself were to feel pressured I’d hesitate and hold back too.
You didn’t blow anything here. If she wants a kiss, then she can kiss you.
Also, you mentioned that “Sometimes, she’s more or less right that a day has passed without us so much as brushing shoulders.” If that holds, then she can put more effort into spending time with you.
All I can think is “Poor Ana needs a better husband!” When a woman asks you for a kiss you give her that kiss–regardless of all your mental diarrhea. This younger generation is a bunch of whiners….oh poor me, my wife might intrude upon my “brilliant thoughts”. ugggg ( me sticking my finger down my throat) This writing sample did do one thing for me today. It is making me get off the internet and get to work. I can’t read one more of these pitiful piles of crap that are trying to pass for writing. Honestly, I did think… Read more »
Hey Kal — if my story really inspired you to get off the internet, you probably won’t see this. But, in case you do, just wanted to say sorry for all the mental diarrhea. You’re probably a far better partner than my character, and I hope you’re never left wanting for a kiss 🙂
Wonderful piece, Jack. Always glad to see these out and about on the internets.