***
Dear Men,
On behalf of many women, I’d like to publicly apologize about the whole fantasy romance thing. As young girls, a lot of us were raised on media and society-driven princess fantasies, ball-gowns and magic slippers. We may have bought into the promise that one day our Prince would come, and from early on were inundated with a definition of romance that no mortal man could possibly match. In our teenage years, along came music. And, in the lyrics of popular ballads men were willing to die for women, they wrote countless love songs, and promised them, literally, the moon. Add in chick flicks, otherwise known as romantic comedies, and then romance novels. Women were raised with a ridiculous, unattainable standard of what they should expect from romance and of what a romantic partner should be or do.
Frankly, you guys were screwed, long before you got lucky, you get what I’m saying?
♦◊♦
Or else it doesn’t count. You don’t love her. You’re not romantic enough even if she believes you love her. She yearns for that grand romantic gesture that no normal guy can manage. A guy with Bill Gates’ bank account could: renting limos, giving daily flowers, jetting off on a romantic vacations, these are impossible on the average guy’s budget. And, I don’t know about anyone else, but even if I could afford those things, I’d rather do something lasting, like buy a house, have a savings account. Real life stuff. Women have been conditioned to expect men to fulfill romantic fantasies. And, not just fulfill them, but to know what they are by without being clued in to what they actually are. It’s insane.
I was just too damn brainwashed to realize it, because his style of romance isn’t what I’d been taught to expect.
|
I know. I was guilty of doing this to my husband. I was frustrated and disappointed at his lack of romantic gestures. Then I realized, he is romantic. I was just too damn brainwashed to realize it, because his style of romance isn’t what I’d been taught to expect. It was like standing in a flowing river, dying of thirst.
Romance is meant to show love, and caring, right? That’s the purpose, if it’s sincere, and not just a way to get her into bed. My husband’s romance? Going to three different stores to get his (then) pregnant wife her favorite ice cream. It’s bringing my favorite coffee on his way home from work. It’s taking the kids out for a hike, so I can write, or grab a nap. It’s buying a cheesecake to celebrate a writing accomplishment or being willing to run out and buy a new keyboard when the toddlers killed mine off my current one. It’s calling home from work just to see how the day is going. It’s getting up first thing in the morning, and wrangling the kids so I can sleep. It’s playing our wedding song for the toddler to listen to, looking over at me, and grinning. It’s those little details of our lives, where he romances me and his love shows.
♦◊♦
I’d rather have a lifetime of romance, the way my husband shows me, than a momentary, media-approved, grand gesture.
|
These are not the things little girls and women were taught that romance should be. But, this is true romance. It’s sustainable romance, day after day, throughout our lives. Its woven through our day, gestures so small that they can be missed, taken for granted, unappreciated. Flowers are lovely, but they die. Chocolates, poetry, candlelight dining, they’re nice, sure. Now that I know better, and recognize the daily romance in my life, I wouldn’t trade it for a trip to anywhere, no matter how exotic. I’d rather have a lifetime of romance, the way my husband shows me, than a momentary, media-approved, grand gesture.
This is the kind of romance I can hold on to. And I plan to, every day.
—-
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please support our mission and join us as a Premium Member.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Talk to you soon.
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—
Photo Credit: iStock
Love this! It reminds me of my relationship of my own husband and some things I’ve written about that myself.
Don’t apologise to men on my behalf. I’m not sorry. Men love us being that way. They rely on us being soppy and attached and wanting commitment. It either feeds their ego or gives them a manipulative advantage. Try being a woman who doesn’t believe in romance or marriage when it comes to men. Who sees men for what they are and not Prince Charming. Men can’t cope. They find it hard to understand that you may just want them to stay over on Saturday night, not every night, and that you don’t want to get pregnant to them. You… Read more »
Yeah, when someone makes three or more stops to find the ice cream you want, that’s when you know it’s love… because if he didn’t love you, he’d call you after the second attempt and say, “Seriously? It’s just ****ing ice cream.”
I was told a story this morning that ties in nicely with your piece. A friend’s colleagues met and subsequently married because her soda can got stuck in the vending machine, and he kicked the machine mercilessly until it delivered the goods. Romance can have unassuming forms.
Thank you for acknowledging this. Many women think romance is harmless yet we men identify otherwise. It puts men in a very difficult situation (especially when backed up with “How To Be a Real Man” articles) and damages’s women’s relationship chances.
Nobody wins.
I would agree with this sentiment. Men are sold a bill of goods too. PORN. Then they are disappointed when their SO doesn’t jump start as soon as they put the key in the ignition. When she doesn’t perform the way Debbie did Dallas…isn’t built like Debbie when Debbie did Dallas. Debbie did what she did because it was her JOB, and she didn’t work for free….and your SO is not a porn star or prostitute. If that’s what you want, be willing to pay for it. Then they go looking for the next big green yard to play in,… Read more »
wow…