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A new video showing our different responses to violence against men and violence against women is taking the internet by storm.
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What would you do if you saw a man attacking a woman in the street? Would you step in and help or would you walk on by—and more importantly would you respond any differently if it was a woman attacking a man?
That’s the big question that UK charity The ManKind Initiative has been itching to explore for some time and this month they finally found out with a “candid camera” style stunt filmed in a busy London street in broad daylight.
With the help of the creative agency, Dare, ManKind released an online ad showing different public reactions to the public abuse of men and women. The awareness-raising video shows a couple, played by actors, fighting in the street to see how the public will respond.
In the first scenario the man attacks his female partner and passers by quickly step in to help the woman. In the second scenario, the woman attacks man but nobody comes to his help and many onlookers are shown laughing as the man is assaulted.
The video, released last week, has become a global viral hit notching up more than 5 million views on YouTube alone and sparking numerous media debates in the UK and beyond.
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The innovative campaign was prompted by the public reaction to film footage of Beyonce’s sister Solange attacking the rapper Jay Z in a lift, which saw people using the hashtag #WhatJayZSaidToSolange to make light of the incident. In response, some social media users hit back with the #ViolenceIsViolence hashtag as they attempted to make the point that a woman violently attacking a man is not comedy, it’s a crime.
Spotting an opportunity to take this important conversation to a new level, the ManKind Initiative—a charity that runs a helpline for male victims of domestic violence in the UK—-adopted the #ViolenceIsViolence hashtag for a two minute advert that’s got people thinking and talking about our inconsistent atttitudes towards violence against men and women.
What the film shows is our collective tolerance towards violence against men and boys in action. Researchers have found that both men and women are more likely to tolerate violence when the victim is male. This social conditioning seems to set in before we reach adulthood. One British survey found that girls and boys are 10 to 15 times more likely to say it’s okay for a woman to hit her male partner for nagging or arguing than vice versa.
The point that those who are using the #ViolenceIsViolence hashtag are seeking to make is that if we want to create a safer world for everyone, then we need to become equally intolerant of violence, irrespective of the gender of the victim and perpetrator.
That starts with us checking our own attitudes and beliefs and asking ourselves, with our hands on our hearts, if we treat the sexes equally in this regard, or if we find it a little bit funny, or take it a little less seriously, when a woman hits a man?
To find our more about the charity The ManKind Initiative or to make a donation to support their work see www.mankind.org.uk.
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—Photo Credit: This is Dare/The Mankind Initiative
While I don’t think the situation with Jay Z was funny. I’m not sure he’s the greatest example here. Considering he has built his success on songs like “I got 99 problems but a B*tch Ain’t One”. I am not a fan of Jay Z. Someone close to me was a victim of violence from an ex girlfriend. When he first met her he was utterly captivated by her beauty. She was a very beautiful woman. If you looked at her you never would have guessed what laid underneath. She even went to church. She would physically hurt herself, like… Read more »
Sometimes female abuse looks different then male abuse. She didn’t beat him up in the classic sense. She was emotionally and mentally abusive and she would actually hurt herself more and threaten that she would kill herself if he left her. I can agree that it looks different. However I’ve noticed something. When talking about abusive men there is a much more open mind about how men are abusive. From straight physical violence to psychological abuse (like insulting her and putting down). But for some odd reason when entertaining the idea of an abusive woman all of a sudden the… Read more »
Who exactly,was surprised by this?
I remember when I was young, middle school aged, I thought it was acceptable to slap/smack my male friends on the arm or even upside the head when he did or said something I thought was wrong or stupid. I’m ashamed and embarrassed I ever thought that was acceptable. While I would sometimes get physical with female friends it was never out of judgement but rather just horsing around. This was totally sexist behavior. Out of college I worked for a DV shelter. In my nine months there I had two calls from men into the crisis line. The first… Read more »
Katie, it takes a special kind of person to overcome and see through the cultural norms they grew up with, what they were taught is normal, and see the bigotry in them. You can be ashamed of whatever you did as a child but that is like being ashamed of the accent you were taught to speak English or whatever. What matters is what you are doing and saying and speaking out against as an adult.
Mentally, I am hugging you Katie. That was a wonderful thing you did. But his situation speaks volumes for the men who are in his situation, the many who don’t make the calls and worse yet, the many who believe they can’t make calls. That’s the population of abused that I wish we could address more often. I work with an area homeless shelter group, 78 to 80 percent of the residents are men and they are men of all ages.
Katie, thank you for your work.
@ Katie
Thank you.
So where are all the “white knights” who talk about “chivalry” on this? They seem to be awful silent.
Seriously. You’d think that all those guys that are courteous to women because they are women wouldn’t have a problem helping their fellow man…
My question is …. where is the conversation about this? In February an article “One Way to Help Stop Violence Against Women” prompted over 60 responses. The article “Violence Against Women Is a Men’s Issue” prompted 53 comments. “Against the Violence Against Women Act?” prompted 188 responses …. Why aren’t the new wave feminists stepping up pulling research off the internet so as to reinforce the fact that men are not “privileged” whereas the reality is that they’ve been screwed over BIG time. * Suicide rate * non-custody of kids * Mortality rate * Draft * loss of life in… Read more »
Yes Tom, feminists aren’t perfect. Either are MRAs. Maybe we can find a way to invite Feminists into the conversation without attacking them for the areas that aren’t their greatest strengths? As for the response account, with all due respect, a significant amount of responses to articles that deal with violence against women are often met with a lot of criticism and responders who want to express their unhappiness that that subject is being approached on a website designed toward men. More commonly then I would like, those kind of articles generate alot “why are we even talking about violence… Read more »
You’re right about MRA’s not being perfect, no movement is perfect but as far as I’m concerned MRA’s have a better understanding of men and a better understanding of the different types of men that exist in our society. MRA’s, for as long as I’ve known them, have ever placed men in any kind of box. You have to understand that MRA’s have a two prong goal. One is to make a better society for ALL men and two is to make sure that the bogus information that’s been put out about men for decades is dismantled. “Men don’t know… Read more »
Ruh Roh, I’m getting the big “you’re comment is awaiting M …tion”
Maybe we can find a way to invite Feminists into the conversation without attacking them for the areas that aren’t their greatest strengths? I’ve done that before it rarely works well. If the last week or so has taught me anything feminists have decided that the very tactics they have screamed bloody murder when MRAs do are just fine when feminists do it. Trying to link Rodger to certain sites and groups with little to no evidence, defending generalizations of men, saying they want to have conversation then doing the internet equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and… Read more »
Tom, If you believe that MRAs have a better understanding of the type of men that exist in our society then do you also believe that Feminism has a better understanding of the type of women that exist in our society? And if you believe that then maybe men should spend more time listening to Feminism and women more time listening to MRAs? And actually yes, I do think men have come up with some of that stuff about men not knowing how to change a diaper. I totally remember in my own family my uncles passing the children over… Read more »
Let me get more specific. A look at this Elliot Rodger thing has shown me how hard feminists have tried to label him MRA and then leap into “this is why MRAs suck!” type posts. For another around here on GMP there has been no shortage of anti-MRA sentiment to the point where saying MRAs suck (with no evidence or links or back up) is welcomed but counterarguments (even with evidence, links, or back up) are deleted under the premise that they are derailing, hateful of women, and anti-feminist. Trying to reach out to and work with feminists hasn’t worked.… Read more »
I work as a doctor in a very poor area. Services for men who are abused by their partners are miniscule if at all. In fact the only way I have obtained help for my victims is via the police since the DV services don’t take the issue as they only deal with women as victims. I will never forget the weekend I went to a DV workshop for doctors – when I mentioned my concerns regarding violence against my male patients one of the female doctors thought it was funny and laughed. I looked at the whole group and… Read more »
Now THIS is the kind of conversation we need to be having! Thank you Doc jp! And your last statement “Many times it is because they don’t want to lose their kids.” is very prevalent here in the US.
I’d take a crack in the face any time over losing my kids. If we want to add “mental abuse” in the arena of abuse, I’d be comfortable in saying men, in particular dads, more then women experience it. Think about it, someone holding your kids hostage.
On a personal note, when reading these articles, all I can think about is Earl Silverman’s feelings of hopelessness and helplessness after years of providing shelter for battered men, only to be ignored. How many more helpless and hopeless men are there and what is it going to take. How much worse does male suicide have to get before a real number of people in our society take note?
Bobbt, it is truly the real world. Lot of time spent on educating men about violence against women yet as Joanna pointed out, men don’t report. Why is that? Does anyone really care as long as the message is getting out to stop men from abusing women? We can dive head on onto trying to figure out why 68 men in 38 years, committed mass murders, yet we spend little time dealing with why men are accepting of women beating them. Do we spend any time delving into the women’s psyche as to how they could even ‘think” that it’s… Read more »
Welcome to the real world!
In 2008, ABC ran this … almost 5 years ago! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks This is nothing new at all. Sad that it’s taking this long for people to finally take notice. Back in 2008, 800,000+ cases of women hitting men. This video is much more telling in that interviews were done with the on lookers. 163 people walked by. And domestic shelters for men/boys? They hardly exist. God rest his soul, Earl Silverman tried and lost. What do cops do? Double standards. I’m sorry to have to ask this but how many articles are written to educate “men” about domestic violence about… Read more »
i wish this 2014 one had the interviews after also.
i would also get an small actress who is trained in the combat arts for the role too.
it would be interesting to repeat the experiment with the violence level increasing more and more each time, to see when people would intervene
Even knowing they’re actors, this still made me cry.
Most public domestic violence I’ve seen is women hitting men, I’ve had female friends hit me in public too. Pretty much no one even raises an eye to it, yet reverse the situation with a man doing less actual force and he’s probably gonna get into strife.
I work in Social Services. Quite often when a man reports being abused by his wife to the Police, he is laughed out of the station. Violence really is violence, how we react or not react is sometimes the greater crime.
My mom worked as a medical social worker in an ER for years – she says the same thing. The ER docs, nurses and social workers see abuse on male partners quite regularly but rarely does the male partner admit it, let alone press charges. And certainly our systematic shaming of men who are survivors of any type of abuse is NOT helping the cause.
And I’m guessing the ER staff don’t have a separate intake based on different genders of assailant. (“Before we stop the bleeding, can you tell us whether you were attacked by a woman or a man?”) They don’t have a separate chart code for “female attacker” or “male attacker.” They don’t decide on a course of treatment based on whether the person wielding the knife was male or female. A stabbing is a stabbing. Wounds tend to be gender-blind that way, even if people find it hard to be gender-blind.
I hear its standard procedure to direct such men to other services for “recovering abusers”.
Imagine not just blaming rape victims, but outright convicting them as rapists.
I’m very interested in how this affects violence amongst men. They say when help is available, you call for help, but if help is unavailable or devalues you, you’re more likely to turn to fists.
What exactly is surprising about this? Our culture is filled with examples where a man being attacked by a woman is assumed to have deserved it.
(“he had it coming, he had it coming, he had it coming all along…”)
Its interesting people use that song for these sorts of things. You probably know this, but that son was fairly satirical. It served the purpose of explaining why these girls are in prison, and how they don’t get it because she was justified. “He cheated on me, so I had a right to stab him.” “He just kept popping his dang gum, so I popped a cap in his head.” Once I got it, I was glad to see a film acknowledge this sort of thing in an exxagerated form, and show them dancing in PRISON. Normally, a film wouldnt… Read more »
“…both men and women are more likely to tolerate violence when the victim is male.”
I can’t believe that this is a surprise to anyone. Ask people who work in the Emergency Room if women are capable of hurting men, and they’ll tell you definitely yes.
What’s amazing in the Jay-Z case is that the employee who leaked the tape got fired for releasing footage of an assault, but his sister-in-law faced no charges. The employee should not have gone to the media first, but should have gone to the police.
I can’t believe that this is a surprise to anyone. Ask people who work in the Emergency Room if women are capable of hurting men, and they’ll tell you definitely yes. I know right? Its like women are as capable as men in all things except the capacity to do harm. What’s amazing in the Jay-Z case is that the employee who leaked the tape got fired for releasing footage of an assault, but his sister-in-law faced no charges. The employee should not have gone to the media first, but should have gone to the police. Basically. I understand the… Read more »
“I know right? Its like women are as capable as men in all things except the capacity to do harm.” I agree. It’s somewhat surprising that more people haven’t picked up on the fact that this double standard is not only dangerous to men, but it’s also damn condescending towards women as well. If a woman beating on a man is comical, then that’s a joke that’s very patronizing towards women. Making a joke out of that makes women sound weak and ineffectual and even invisible. Clearly if we can recognize women’s enormous capacity for self-defense, which we should cultivate… Read more »
P.S. Sorry, that didn’t sound the way I intended. I don’t think women’s self-defense could ever be an evil thing. I just meant that physical striking techniques could be used for good or bad purposes. If someone is totally capable of punching in self-defense, that person is also fully capable of punching to be abusive.
To deny that someone is capable of causing harm is to deny that person’s full humanity.
I got you. Any fighting skills can be used for good or bad.
Oh women’s activists have picked up on it. The problem is they have to figure out how to acknowledge it while focusing on how it harms women. You’ll see a few that will bring it up because it patronizes women (and the they MIGHT mention how male victims are treated). Im reminded of a post I saw a few years ago that was talking about the “Boys are stupid….throw rocks at them.” tshirt. And do you want to guess how the commentary went? “Messages like that are sexist…..against women. It adds to the illusion that women are weak.” So how… Read more »
Simply and sadly fascinating.