Exploring the mess we are in around male sexuality. How did we get here and what on earth do we do?
My first sexual experience with another person was when my cousin taught me how to masturbate. Naturally, it felt good. But then he shamed and humiliated me, leaving a deep scar. This became my initial sexual imprint, and it has impacted my sexuality to this day.
Instead of learning, I went into hiding like most men run by shame. I listened to other peers who were equally immature and confused.
Before I sought out help, I was left adrift, aimlessly trying to be a man with this cosmic sword between my legs. No one ever taught me the profound power my cock could yield. That I could give life or destroy life with its power. My dad dropped the ball as did my culture.
I received ZERO training around sex or my body until age 34. None. Fortunately for me, I now have excellent mentors and friends who are helping me grow up my sexuality and dive into it’s headwaters with open arms.
To not teach children about the sacredness of their bodies and their sexuality is one of the CORE abandonments of our time.
This post is about the mess we are in around male sexuality. I am here to name it and simply put it in the open for all of us to see.
So how did we get into this mess?
I’m guessing there’s more to the story than this, but I’m naming one GIANT dynamic if not THE dynamic that got us here.
First, let’s acknowledge that some of us (not me) got an amazing, healthy, wise education around sex, our bodies, and our sexuality. If that’s you, congratulations! Seriously. Then, let’s acknowledge that there are a good number of people out there that believe we are teaching are kids plenty, even too much, about sex and sexuality (i.e. conservative religious groups).
Leaving it up to the Churches and schools to train our kids about their penises and vaginas and how to use them has gotten us where we are today, ashamed, avoiding, and hoping someone else will teach this complicated stuff for us. If those entities did a great job, we’d be seeing different results.
Because adults have been, by in large, too ashamed or limited in themselves, they have taught our boys a very watered down version of sex education. That’s the best case scenario. It’s either nothing at all, or a “birds and the bees” talk in middle school or high school, likely from a teacher who is filtering information because their hands are tied by a fearful administration.
Think about what you got in terms of sex ed. I got a health class in 8th grade (in Utah) and then my dad talked to me in High school about wearing a condom. That’s it. That’s all I got.
So, what did I do? I learned from peers (well before high school) who were equally as ashamed, misinformed, and confused.
I was completely and utterly abandoned, as was my father by his father and on and on. I get that it wasn’t my Dad’s fault. How could he teach me anything about sex given what was taught to him by a Dad who probably never even mentioned it? Generations of betrayal. Generations of neglect and looking the other way, hoping kids would “figure it out” or innocently thinking it would take care of itself.
So, when I think about my own son, I can see the doorway toward “letting him figure it out.” That door is wide open and would be easy for me to just drop the ball and keep the generations of abandonment alive.
But I won’t do that. No way. Not in my house. I won’t pass the buck to other adults and expect them to deliver. I also refuse to let other 4, 5, 6, 7 year old boys teach my son about his sacred body. I refuse to let another kid shaming him while he’s naked or hard core porn be his first sexual experience.
I will show up for my son. I’m scared and excited to teach him everything about his beautiful body and its power. I feel inspired to train him to use his penis responsibly. And guess what? My son is 3 years old and needs information now! He is exploring his body right now! Wait until middle school? I don’t think so.
Most of us men received little to no sexual training as boys. We simply learned from other boys. Our first sexual experiences were often either molestation (1 in six boys is sexually abused before age 16), experimentation with ourselves (some kind of masturbation, mostly to porn these days) or other boys (more than one-third of the sexual abuse of America’s children is committed by other minors).
As boys, in order to fit in, we were supposed to make fun of other boys when we were naked. If we were too “good” or too scared to do that, we got quiet and became bystanders hoping some adult would step up and set a boundary. When no one did, we remained silent because speaking up we might have faced ridicule or humiliation.
Anything that resembled being gay or too feminine, we shamed and humiliated in each other and called it “funny.” We were mostly taught that sex is great, but also bad and that masturbation is bad even though it feels good. Hmmm….Our choice? Posture and fake it trying to “be one of the guys,” or go underground with our sexuality and experiment in isolation.
Confused yet?
As teen boys, we taught each other to objectify women and keep score. We were either taught that w0men like strong men that are stoic and hide their vulnerability like any superhero in the movies, or maybe we took the gentleman’s path, (slightly more conservative but still damaging) where we are supposed to take care of women and be “clean” by never masturbating or succumbing to our animal desires, thus being a “good boy.”
If we were gay, or wondered if we were gay, we had no where safe to turn to, no one to ask, no place to explore in a safe way. So, again we isolated and felt shame and guilt. Then we might have played along with the straight boys thus adding more self-abandonment and confusion.
Then we found oursevles in an oversexualized culture where women’s bodies were everywhere for us to gawk at including in video games, TV, magazines, and even in men’s sports. We went to college where our sex drive was through the roof and we sprayed it around like a fire-hose with no supervision and little consequence. Or we were so confused, we shut down and got quiet. If we wanted to be “one of the guys” we tried to get laid a lot and talked a big game, thinking that might win us friends. If we didn’t take that path, we stayed a quiet bystander letting our brothers off the hook over and over as they objectified and used women over and over again while we isolated and went inward for answers.
Pile on more confusion….
Of course, then we became adult men (whatever that means), and even though we have the power to seek out a therapist or professional to get help with the confusion and power between our legs, we didn’t. Either because we didn’t even know it was an option, or because we might have faced silent judgment or ridicule from our peers–more shame and humiliation, all part of the gender straightjacket.
Now that we are officially confused and ashamed about our penis and sex, and live in a culture that supports our dis-embodiment, we paradoxically find comfort in our isolation and disconnection. It’s the new norm. We mask over any whisper of shame or fear so we can fit in with the guys and then we hope to meet a cool woman that likes us despite our insecurities.
Then in our isolation, while no one is looking and with the door locked, we finally find relief in our sexually confused state–porn. It’s quick, easy, cheap, with an endless variety where we don’t have to deal with the complexities of interpersonal relationship dynamics. We can stay alone and keep it locked away in our inner sanctum. It even gives us temporarily relief from the stress in our lives and gives the illusion of keeping our shame at bay.
Whew.
Once again, the boy code has conditioned us into a little, tiny corner where we remain angry, alone, confused, and isolated. Our conditioning is a trap. Be a certain way, and don’t act outside the box. If you do, we will humiliate you. Don’t speak up or intervene, b/c that too is gay, weak, or feminine. So, stay put, stay a bystander, stay in your box.
So this is where we are today
Like it or not, the state of male sexuality in this culture (and probably the world) is that of a sick, neglected, and deeply abandoned child, and we can see the wake of it everywhere in our lives. The way boys treat girls, the way men treat women. The way boys treat boys. The bullying and shame, coercion, and intimidation to be a certain way sexually. The gay jokes, the “small penis” jokes, the “pussy” jokes, the rape, misogyny, misandry, the violence, Matthew Shepard, Penn State, Steubenville Rape, The Catholic Church, and the shame and self-hatred toward our own bodies.
All taught by who? Boys.
That’s right. We adults have put boys in charge of teaching other boys about the most sacred parts of their bodies. Boys are teaching other boys about sexuality in this culture. And because adults are unable or unwilling to step up, this is the mess we are in.
Wow.
So, this is on the table for us to examine and see clearly. How about we pause and take this all in.
Breathe.
The next question for me is “okay, what do I do about it?”
In my own home, I will take on the responsibility to teach and train my son about his penis, his body, and his sexuality with unwavering respect and love.
In terms of the global problem, the questions are rolling in. From single moms to new dad’s like me.
How are you dealing with your own confused sexuality and how will you/are you teaching your son about it? Because wherever you are ashamed and stuck, you will block your son from learning and embodying a healthy sexuality.
What I am doing about it?
Read this awesome breakdown The Healthy Sex Talk–Teaching Kids Consent Ages 1-21
I am teaching him about his sacred body. Where I’m stuck, I’m getting help, hiring mentors, going to classes and learning about how to appropriately (factoring in age and brain development) and truthfully talk to my son about his body and his sexuality. And, if enough parents ask, I’ll probably offer tele-classes or write more on the subject. I’m open to suggestions.
Please share below how you are navigating this critical terrain.
If you are a parent of a son, or are actively involved in raising boys in your life, join our facebook page Raising Boys.
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Photo: By crdotx/ Flickr
About Jayson Gaddis
BRAVO!!! As one who experienced “innocent” sexual exploration with an older male sibling but has lived in the shadow of guilt, shame, and isolation an entire life, strides are being made. That this article has been published in a forum that is presented on the WEB is remarkable. I would like to underscore the importance of this new focus on masculinity in all of complexities and, yes, sensitivities. Thanks so much for this article. Much appreciated.
seric
Thanks Seric. You’re experience sounds familiar from the men I work with. THanks for sharing!
This is brilliant. The whole thing is brilliant, but especially this: “Like it or not, the state of male sexuality in this culture (and probably the world) is that of a sick, neglected, and deeply abandoned child, and we can see the wake of it everywhere in our lives.”
You nailed it. This is my consistent experience with men. And as a woman it can be difficult to know what to do about it – how to support men in becoming dynamic, responsible, and healthy with their sexuality. I want to help, but I don’t always know how to.
I am also impressed and touched by how you cover the exact (confusing) state of male sexuality, then role model how to do it differently. You will show up for your son. You — the primary adult male in his life — will tell him that his sexuality is healthy, normal, something to be celebrated. That alone will go a long way. More importantly, you having that conversation with him will open the door to him coming to you with questions and other concerns about it. You’re establishing that you are a safe person, a safe zone within which to discuss sex.
And that is sacred.
I might also add that the women with whom he comes into contact will get a better version of him because of it – a healthier, more expressed version with less shame and more ability to have the range to see the strength in vulnerability, and also be able to push her up against a wall when that’s called for (mmm.)
So thank you on behalf of your son and on behalf of the women with whom he will hold. You’re doing a service to both and to us and to the world.
Jayson, please keep doing more of this! I loved every single word in your article and feel hope that there are men like you looking to change the conversation of sex in our culture. I think male leadership and knowledge is priceless and has the potential to have a much larger positive affect for boys, girls, men and women alike then men themselves might know or are given credit for. You are an inspiriation. Here is to more sex positive information and dialogue and stoping the cycle of misinformation, shame and guilt.
Thank you Erin.
Circumcision is where sex and violence first meet. Many men feel shame about sex because part of their sexual anatomy was cut off by force when they were powerless to resist. Circumcision has sexual and psychological consequences. It removes the most sensitive parts and contributes to erectile dysfunction. In one study circumcised men were 4.5 times more likely to use erectile dsfunction drugs. Men who have sexally assaulted women are 3.5 times more likely to report erectile dysfunction. Infants are real people. What happens to them matters. Circumcision has no proven health benefit. The myths about circumcision have been hiding our cultural shame for over 140 years. “What’s done to children, they will do to society.” See the Circumcision Resource Center for more information.
I’m curious if those studies took into account other differences such as income levels. If you look globally, circumcised men are probably much more likely to be obese than uncircumcised men, but much of that would be due to the fact that many American men are circumcised and Americans also happen to have a particularly obesity-inducing lifestyle. Obesity is a major factor in diabetes, and diabetes is a major factor in erectile dysfunction. American men are fatter and that’s one big reason why American men encounter so much ED. So, it could be somewhat of a coincidence: being born in America makes you fat and therefore impotent, and being American also means on average that you’re circumcised. It could be, to some degree, a correlation but not a causal link.
(Yes, massive overstatements here. ED is more complex than this. I just wonder if the study may be jumping from correlation to causation too easily. Other explanations could be more plausible.)
Stop mis-representing yourself as a Ph.D. You’re clearly not. A Ph.D wouldn’t make such noticeable grammar and spelling errors, nor would a Ph.D reach such spurious conclusions based on facts that are (1) unproven and (2) no clear relationship between the variables identified.
As for the article itself: wow, great stuff! It hits he nail right on the head.
Both ED and circumcision are valuable topics up for discussion. not sure if this is the right post for them, but wonderful side posts. I’ll put it on my agenda. thank you.
Jayson, your article speaks to so many fundamental problems in our society with male sexuality. It is sad that men often see their bodies as comical or shameful. The media doesn’t help. I am a women, and I sense that men are mostly the source of this problem. Unfortunately it filters out to women as well. This is a very unhealthy attitude. It doesn’t help men when they suddenly want women to see them as sexually beautiful and desirable when it is convenient. When you don’t respect your own body, it is easier to disrespect someone else’s. It also has a tendency to invite disrespect upon yourself. I would imagine that this leads to much frustration.
I am thrilled to see that you teach your son that he is beautiful, and should not be ashamed of his body while he is so young. As a parent myself of a young girl, I reached the conclusion that it is wiser to ease them into talking about sensitive subjects in their very young and preteen years. Waiting till they are older, makes the subject more uncomfortable and difficult to discuss. When the time finally came for me to fully explain sex and menstruation to my daughter, there was no shock or discomfort. It was a joyful occasion for both of us. We even had a few laughs. Bless you. I wish more men would adopt your philosophy.
This is one of the rare good articles I’ve read here. Just one bit of parenting advice to the author: use the real anatomical names of body parts from the start. Otherwise confusion comes in if abuse happens, or when the child talks about him/herself with peers and NO one knows what anything is, or they just learn that ‘those’ parts are ‘different’ (you don’t call your arm a reachyboo), and that can open the void for the idea of ‘wrongness’ to sneak its way in.
yes. penis is now the term. thank you! got that one several times!
FYI, the pic is a bit inappropriate, even with identitiy hidden. Young boys in underwear is just as bad as young girls in their underwear. And that which is showing is not the most important part of them as people.
I remember seeing a commercial for something (don’t remember what the product was, maybe some kind of feminine hygiene product).
I remember the commercial seemed to be fashioned towards a teen audience (shaky camera etc, quick editing etc..). I think the longest shot was of a teen girl whose age appeared to be 16-18 shadow boxing or dancing in bra and panties on her bed.
I remember thinking why?? does this commercial even exist.
I agree about the picture. If the admins felt a picture like this was absolutely essential I would have preferred a whole body picture where the face was blacked out to unerscore the fact that we’re talking about children.
By making it seem that the most important part of the boys is what’s in this shot (and I may be reading too much into this) it seems the implication is that boys w/out sexual education are likely to hurt others w/their penises. If they had whole body shots, I feel it would have underscored their humanity and their childness and the implication would have also been that boys w/out a sex education can *be* injured, either spiritually, emotionally, or physically.
I must have missed all the perversion in the photo, mostly because I was reading a brilliant article about the dangers of not teaching boys about sex and the photo was completely germane to the topic at hand. The photo is not eroticized, or sexualized, but it’s telling that a couple of these comments rather perfectly illustrate the effects of early-on body shaming.
“I must have missed all the perversion in the photo. . .”
Yes, and it’s sad that treating boys in that way is “missed” all the time. It would not have been missed if it were a picture of pubescent girls in their panties.
It would be nice if this society treated boys with near the same due respect and dignity with which it treats girls. The fact that this picture is used here,and it would have been objected to if it were a picture of girls the exact same age, is part of the problem.
IMO, don’t even bother writing about boys if they aren’t going to be disrespected in ways that girls would never ben in the same situation.
“IMO, don’t even bother writing about boys if they aren’t going to be disrespected in ways that girls would never ben in the same situation.”
OK, that was a bit harsh. But, this reveals a fundamental problem in how one sees boys vs. girls. The view (perhaps subconsciously) is that boys are due less protection and consideration.
If boys are seen as less worthy of protection and respect, how can one truly appreciate what they need to advance successfully in life? IMO, it’s not possible.
“IMO, don’t even bother writing about boys if they aren’t going to be disrespected in ways that girls would never ben in the same situation.”
OK, that was a bit harsh and included a typo. I apologize. However, let me clarify.
There is 0% chance that girls that age would be shown in their panties from the waist down. Zero percent. So, why are boys shown that way?
That this picture was selected and posted demonstrates that there is a view that boys are less worthy of protection and consideration than girls. If boys are seen as less worthy of protection and respect, how can one truly appreciate what they need to advance successfully in life? IMO, it’s not possible.
If it had been a comparable picture of girls, illustrating a serious article written for a women’s website, about a comparable subject, by a woman, it would very likely not be the subject of this sort of beetle-browed vitriol. This a serious article about a serious topic, and the photo is entirely appropriate to the subject. But instead of discussing the topic of the piece, one finds oneself reading opinions about the photograph, opinions that display a typical, creepy 21st century American prurience. Maybe what makes the difference is what one has in one’s own mind already when one looks at a picture like that. No wonder North American society remains so ignorant. It’s because actually thinking, much less reading, much less discerning context or content, is too much work. How depressing.
“If it had been a comparable picture of girls, illustrating a serious article written for a women’s website, about a comparable subject, by a woman, it would very likely not be the subject of this sort of beetle-browed vitriol.”
They don’t post “comparable” pictures of pubescent girls to specifically display their genital area clothed only in their panties. If they did, there would be FAR, FAR more and louder ojbections.
“This a serious article about a serious topic, and the photo is entirely appropriate to the subject.”
Okay, so this “serious topic” couldn’t be discussed without a picture of the crotches of two pubescent boys clothed only in their underwear? Seriously? No other way?
“But instead of discussing the topic of the piece, one finds oneself reading opinions about the photograph, opinions that display a typical, creepy 21st century American prurience.”
Double standards are creepy. A serious topic is treating boys with the same respect, consideration, and protection afforded girls. Why is that too so objectionable?
Every been shopping, Eric? Check out American Apparel. And those pictures of girls aren’t illustrating anything more serious than the reason to buy expensive “sexy” clothes for pubescent girls. As for me, I’m fortunately able to look at a picture like this without immediately thinking about sex, so it’s not about a “double standard” for me, which may not be the case for everyone, so perhaps I’m just lucky. Plus, the article carries its own intellectual weight.
1. American Apparel takes a ton of flack from feminists for its ads, just as I stated. However, those are ads for clothing. They aren’t pictures of 12 year old pantied crotches taken specifically to call attention to their gential area to discuss sex.
” I’m fortunately able to look at a picture like this without immediately thinking about sex, ”
No need to. The article is ABOUT sex. It’s in the title. It does it for you.
I dont think we should be ashamed of our bodies at all. I believe that hiding our bodies is more damaging. If we were to be more open with our bodies, not hide them from the world – It might be a better place and less of an issue. I mean, everyone has a penis or a vagina (or the few with exceptions). The society we live in has turned the body into sections of good and bad. Breasts, vagina’s, penises, and butts have all turned into places that we must hide from the world and have become sexual objects instead of just what they are – body parts. For example, a pregnant woman cannot feed her crying baby in public without somebody giving her dirty or odd looks for exposing what breasts do – feed babies.
Perhaps, if people were more open about their bodies (now Im not saying join a nudist colony or something) and teach our children about their bodies and the responsibility or understanding of their genitals, they wouldnt view them so much as “sexual naughtiness” to oggle at. Also teach them about the opposite sex so they aren’t just surprised by it by the time they reach puberty. If a boy knows about a vagina, and it is to make babies and a girl knows about a penis, and its role in sex (then later more about the fun parts of sexuality) then its not a surprise to them if one of their friends shows a picture or laughs about something sexual. It is what it is. A penis, or a vagina. A picture of a girl in “sexy” clothes turns into just a girl in clothes.
Please dont twist my words into thinking that I think child porn is ok. I just feel that more education about the responsibilities of genitals and less hiding them from the world like they aren’t a part of us would help in making a more accepting and responsible generation of people.
It’s not a matter about hiding our bodies or not; it’s the fact that the exact same picture of girls that same age wouldn’t be published.
Amberbug, good call and a fair observation about the photo. just wanted to get folks attention and perhaps it was a bad call. will chew on it.
If anything, I feel the picture highlights the *problem* you illustrate in the article, and the conversation ties directly therein.
“OH MY GOD! BOYS IN UNDERWEAR! PEDOPHILIA!” – it’s back to shaming about boys bodies, trying to attach things there, telling boys “cover up and hide your shame!” and making fun of anyone else that disagrees.
The human body is a wonderful thing – and kids should be taught the body is beautiful and they shouldn’t be afraid or prudish about it. It creates that shame where boys can’t change in the locker rooms lest they’re seen–heaven forbid–naked or in their underwear!
Get over yourselves. You are part of the problem. A great photo highlighting the problem.
Unbelievable. Jayson writes one of the best articles I’ve read this year and it’s the photo that generates the most discussion. That just highlight the problems we’re up against in society. Easily distracted.
Jason. Wow. Just read your long overdue article. As a young Catholic girl I too was given ‘the book’ the little pink covered book about a girls sexuality. ( Am sure the word ‘sex’ was not mentioned on the cover in any way, shape or form). I love how you refuse to blame your parents, illuminating the potent effects of legacies and the importance of changing them. Five children in my large Catholic family. Five under-educated children about sexuality, a Church that refuses to embrace birth control, and even more toxic, reinforces the dominance of boys and men in every subtle way imaginable.
My Dad died when I was 15 and my only brother was elevated to a ‘holy pedestal’ that rendered his sisters and I invisible to my grieving devout Mom. After enrolling in Ethics and Morality courses at the Catholic center on Campus and finally learning that my questions had no real answers and were not welcomed, I left Catholicism behind. The only one in my family to marry outside the Church, I always wanted boys, but I was coincidentally lucky enough to give birth to three girls. I promised myself that there was no way I would ever, ever, ever consider submersing them in a such a culture of repression, secrecy and sadly, a lack of joy in one of the most sacred, enjoyable, fun and bonding experiences of being a human being. It has been a journey of exploration for me, too – what to say, when but I have never had a moment of regret and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the illumination that it’s not only girls that got a raw deal.
One of the finest articles I’ve ever read on GMP. Please fathers…don’t have “the talk” with your sons…start like this brave man, when your sons begin to know they are “sexual” and continue and ongoing “dialogue” with them, that continues until the day they leave your home. YOU sgould be the person he comes to for answers to his questions…create a dialogue in which he will be comfortable in so doing. Your son will benefit enormously!
Long overdue…. 10,000 years late, in fact. But at least this message is available today.
Ha ha. true.
I will agree with everything in this article. My sex ed was a strange video about how one guys penis was larger than another guy. I lost my virginity at 9 years old to a friend. He was my age and we just did what felt good. I’m now 29 and a well adjusted gay man. Sometimes that kind of thing just works out. In reality, I learned on my own. I certainly never got the “talk” and once I came out, my parents just figured I knew what I was doing. They are loving and supportive but have no intention on trying to help me adjust any further.
Wow. These words leave ashes in my heart.
I was just writing about this today and stumbled across your lovely post by accident. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be linking to it soon; seems like a must-read in the conversation about shame. I’m glad you exist.
I know that the notion of liberal religious thought brings on the old cognitive dissonance, but the Unitarian Universalist/United Church of Christ-developed Our Whole Lives (OWL) education program is an excellent sex-ed resource for youth.
I had a stepfather who was pretty showy about being all open and liberated and stuff about sexuality. Basically he used that as an excuse to steer a lot of conversations with me towards Inappropriateville. Creepy. My feeling is that if you are going to take charge of your kid’s sex education, so to speak, you’d better be on top of your game. You may find that your kid doesn’t want to talk about everything with you. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you or want or need the information – hence my earlier point about a trusted third party.
Thanks for this! It sheds new light on matters often neglected.
Overall I think this article is great. You are right about so many things and the idea of teaching your child from a young age is right on.
Might I suggest though, that if you really want to empower your son and help him learn, you don’t use euphamism for genitalia and just call it a penis?
right, got this feedback before. we do use penis at home. have transitioned out of wee wee. thanks!
Thank you. This article gives me so much more perspective on the damage and shame that is lurking in my partner. I love him and have always wondered why exactly he carried so much self loathing, resentment and fear of his own sexuality. He is amazing to the core, believe me I am sharing this with him so he might feel free to go back and heal those wounds. Thank you!
I agree with a previous comment that picture of two boys in underwear is not right.
My main reason, however, is to point out that the link to the Catholic church is not a good one. It points out the negative of the church and it’s wrong headedness in dealing with a big mess. Here is a more appropriate link to the church’s current effort to teach much of what you are espousing on your blogs. Your view on the sanctity of the person and the power of a vulnerable youths’ sexuality are much in line with current church teaching. Theology of the Body is a body of work which John Paul II authored. It has become a healthy, informative way to educate everyone about the beauty of our sexual nature–at all ages.
http://www.tobinstitute.org/
This is a good thing that you are doing. I want you to know that there men and women of faith doing the same thing inside the Catholic Church, as well. It is a great program to help guide youth in an informed, age-appropriate way from innocence to adulthood with knowledge and grace.
Beautiful words JK, but I’m afraid they are irrelevant as Dinosaurs.
JK, fair observation about the photo. just wanted to get folks attention and perhaps it was a bad call. will chew on it.
As a parent of two young boys I was hoping to find some actual guidance in what/how to tell the boys. In general we’re a ‘be proud of your boy’ kind of a household but now I’m thinking maybe the kids need something more specific…
God, kids are kids. They have bodies, so what? For god sake, the text is about boy sexuality, the pictures illustrate the topic, period. Get over it, there is nothing erotic about the picture.
If not, I liked the article, thank you.
I agree with Pedro’s comment. Sometimes (often times) kids don’t want to talk about or listen to their parents talk about sex or sexuality. I know some gung-ho parents take that attitude that that’s too bad and they’re going to talk to them til their blue in the face anyway, because they love them. I wonder if that’s the best approach. Kids have a right to be uncomfortable with it. If they’re uncomfortable, that’s not ideal. A trusted 3rd party probably is a good option, but hard to find. I know there’s a lot of talk about whether sex ed should be taught in schools vs. at home. Most experts will point out that parents lack the appropriate information or withhold information to cater to their own ideals. I’ve thought about this a bit and I always come back to the fact that parents being the primary source of sex ed just doesn’t feel right. It’s uncomfortable for a reason. Sexuality is private and even kids have a right to privacy. I think kids would learn best from some sort of outside teacher/mentor and feel more comfortable absorbing the information and asking questions. It’s not like I think sex and sexuality shouldn’t be discussed in the home, but I think there’s benefit from separating kids and parents if you have a trusted source to provide the education.