We should believe in the power of vulnerability–so don’t wait until your 30s to express your emotions.
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Brene Brown has conducted extensive research into the power of being emotionally vulnerable. It is healthier when we express our emotions as human beings. We are being true to ourselves when we say how we feel. Yet, we all struggle to do this adult humans. I speak with my friends about this constantly. Many of us are challenged with confrontation because we don’t want to reveal how we feel. We are afraid to be rejected by the other person.
I fight against the fear associated with being vulnerable. I want to show who I am. I intentionally write with no filter. It is freeing and terrifying all at once. I want you to know who I am and I want you to feel free to express who you are. It’s like flying high in the sky when you are able to say what you think without censoring yourself.
I also have forged deeper connections, friendships, and had a richer love life because I am able to be truthful with my feelings. It hurts me when a man breaks my heart and rejects me. But I would rather love hard and truthfully than sit in the corner and pretend to be devoid of the passion that obviously oozes out of me.
I am fierce, vehement, truthful and real. I can only be who I am and give my whole heart to every situation and person that I care deeply for. It scares the shit out of me to live this way, but the alternative is worse. For years, I lived in fear of being emotionally honest. What would people think if I revealed my freaky intense side? Would they be afraid of my fire? Would they run from me?
The answer is yes. Many people cannot handle my flames. I am sensitive, brave, and I live through my heart, as someone who is close to me told me. I will never forget those words. Because it is true, I live through my heart. I cannot live any other way. I want to help people and the only way to do that is to look into my heart where the fire and passion is, pull it out and put that energy into the world.
So what’s the point of all this? I’m not trying to brag to you about the emotionally honest way that I live. In fact, sometimes I would rather hide in the closet with a blanket over my head, pretending I don’t have feelings and shit. But the reality is that I have big feelings, like we tell the pre-schoolers where I substitute teach. I have big feelings and they scare the shit out of me. But I would rather embrace them than run.
You can embrace your feelings too. The more truthful we are with our emotions the better we feel as people. Additionally, if we can be truthful with ourselves, we then can be honest with one another. Our bonds with other human beings will deepen, and strengthen. That is what I want for the world. I want people to love one another deeply. I want us to find true love. I want us all to understand at least one other person to the fullest capacity we can. That’s what life is about. It’s about compassion, empathy, truth and love.
Today, speak your vulnerable, raw, real truth to someone.
Even if it scares you to the core. You deserve to be heard. Your truth is valuable and it will change the way this person sees you. I can guarantee that. My only regret in this lifetime is that I held out speaking my truth until my 30s. But it’s not too late. Go, be real. I dare you.
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Photo: Getty Images
This essay originally appeared on Psychology Today.
Read Sarah Fader’s Emotionally Available column every week here on The Good Men Project!
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