If your significant other made more than you, would you be intimidated?
—
Would it bother you?
If your significant other made more than you, would you be intimidated? Would you feel less than a man? Or would you feel like you hit the jackpot?
But even though I didn’t have an issue, many of the guys in my life did.
|
I’ve made more money than every man I’ve dated. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve been blessed to work in high-paying jobs, and now as an entrepreneur, my earning potential is limitless.
I don’t have a problem being the breadwinner in the relationship. Just because I’ve done well, I never considered the size of a man’s bank account to be a pre-requisite for him being in my world.
But even though I didn’t have an issue, many of the guys in my life did. And that’s a bummer. Especially when you consider the statistics. Wives earn more in 38% of American households. Based on the trends, that number is only expected to climb.
As a result, we need who earns more to be a non-issue in relationships. Here are three ways to help you get more comfortable with your lady making more than you.
♦◊♦
1. Get clear about your “real” role.
There’s more than one way to contribute to a relationship. Depending on who you ask chivalry is dead and gender roles are changing on a daily basis.
So, in a day and age where women are heading companies, vying for top political spots, and popping up everywhere that men are, who’s to say that the man’s job is to be the provider?
And why is it that provider is often only thought of in monetary terms? For instance, 2012 data showed 16% of at-home parents were men. Maintaining the household, finances, and just being a supportive spouse are all ways to contribute significantly, without having to earn more.
Ultimately, as a man, your value to your woman is about so much more than how much you bring home.
And if you’re unsure of what your significant other needs from you, simply ask her. Have an open, honest dialogue about the expectations of your relationship, and the roles you each need to play to make your life together work.
2. Avoid uncomfortable money situations.
Is the man still required to pay for all the dates? Does each person pay for themselves when it comes to taking trips together?
There are many questions that can pop up about money, especially if the couple isn’t married, or isn’t sharing finances 100%.
So don’t get nervous, or find yourself in an awkward position when the check comes at an expensive restaurant. Have an open and frank conversation in advance instead.
Get clear about what the expectations are of who pays for what and when. If necessary, you might even consider opening up the conversation to discuss how you spend your time together, based upon how much certain activities cost.
If your woman has Tiffany’s taste, and you’ve got a Target budget, there could be issues if she’s expecting you to pay, or if you feel obligated to give her what she’s used to.
The key is to open up the lines of communication so you can establish expectations as a couple, rather than operating on individual frameworks.
3. Get inspired.
The jealousy bug is ugly. So be careful that you don’t find yourself being envious or resentful of your significant other because of the money she makes.
If you feel the need to improve your financial standing, use her achievements as inspiration.
You could work to find a better job, get in the running for that promotion, or even build your empire.
In this day, no longer are fancy degrees and boatloads of money required to earn a living on your own.
So whether you choose to advance in your existing career, build a business on the side using your skills and talents, or become a full-time entrepreneur, there’s plenty of opportunities for you to increase your earnings.
All you have to do is believe that it’s possible and put in the work to make it a reality.
♦◊♦
Together you win
Society is changing. Work is changing. Gender roles are changing. As a result, much of what used to be the norm isn’t.
Relationships aren’t about comparisons. They’re about partnership.
|
So if you find yourself in the position of not being the breadwinner in your relationship, it may be a different situation for you. It may be uncomfortable. But it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker or a point of no return for your union.
Open communication with your significant other, and an honest dialogue with yourself about what you need to feel good about you are essential.
Relationships aren’t about comparisons. They’re about partnership. And when one person does well, the other benefits.
Don’t get caught being the unsupportive, jealous, or insecure guy that is intimidated by his girl’s success.
Applaud her for it, support her, and encourage her. And if you’re so inclined, go out and get some of what she’s got for yourself.
I’m sure she won’t mind. 🙂
—
Photo: Flickr/ Sasamon Rattanalangkarn
“A successful man will date a women he’s smitten with and not care if she works much less how much she makes if she does work”
You can say that about a successful woman as well if she truly cares about man instead of looking at his salary.
“Perhaps, rather then steering your article toward men and how they can work with such relationships, write one for women to be comfortable with these relationships.”
Great comment, Mr. Brechlin.
Let’s start here … “If your woman has Tiffany’s taste, and you’ve got a Target budget, there could be issues if she’s expecting you to pay, or if you feel obligated to give her what she’s used to” “The key is to open up the lines of communication so you can establish expectations as a couple, rather than operating on individual frameworks” I could bet a dollar to a doughnut that if there was this kind of disparity, the relationship would be short lived. No matter how much you think that she’d be willing accept his not pulling his own… Read more »
If my wife was making way more than me, then she maybe should be paying the rent or house mortgages, the gas, cable, water, and electric bills, taking me out to dinner, lunch, breakfast, to a movie, to an event, or going on vacation. Maybe she should take me out on my birthday or wedding anniversary particularly since many good manufacturing jobs and many white collar jobs like accounting, computer, and engineering jobs have been outsource overseas or those jobs have been taken over by legal immigrants brought in by corporate leaders to displace the American workers. I would be… Read more »