How to not freak out about your girlfriend’s platonic male buds.
Some girls have always been more comfortable playing with the boys and only have a couple of close girlfriends within a large circle of male companions. Many believe that female friendships bring drama, and that it’s just easier to be one of the boys.
But, as a man dating one of these guy’s girls, it can be tough to handle sometimes. For starters, realize that you’re far from alone and that every girl has at least some guy friends — you probably have a couple of female friends as well.
There are challenges involved in dating this type of woman; many of the guys she befriends will interpret her kindness and openness as flirtation, and some will not care that she has a boyfriend. Think back to when you were single: At one point or another, you may have been that guy.
The key concepts to remember here are acceptance, self-confidence and trust. If you care about her, you won’t try to change her and you won’t feel the need to dictate her friendships. You knew she had guy friends when you met her, so don’t try to amend her life now. Instead, embrace the situation by getting to know these guy friends — you’ll probably begin to understand why she values them as friends, and she will probably appreciate the effort you make. You may begin to form friendships with them as well.
While it’s totally acceptable — even natural — to feel a bit insecure, she wants a guy who is cool with her having male friends because he knows how much she cares about him. She doesn’t want to be with the jealous dude who drags her away from every man with whom she speaks because he’s afraid she’ll like the other guy more. To her, there is nothing sexier than your confidence; you don’t need to pull her away from other men because you know she really gravitates to you when it matters.
Trust should be earned, but unless she’s already proven herself unworthy, you should be willing to give her a reasonable amount. And, if she has given you reason to deem her as untrustworthy, why are you with her?
Sometimes she may be alone with guys when you’re not there, and she may still even hang out with guys you know she hooked up with in the past; you must place a considerable amount of faith in her and the commitment the two of you share. If it’s real, it’s real. You need to know that and remind yourself of it when she’s in a situation that you can’t control. And remember: trust is not a one-way street.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo protoflux /Flickr
About the author: Sam Rosenthal is a Tar Heel who spent two years teaching English and sampling sangria in Madrid. Now based out of a suitcase between New York City and Philadelphia, he mixes cocktails to feed himself while striving to complete his first novel. (Cliché, he knows.) He writes about travel, sports, women, and how cool it is to be a tiny little speck in the cosmos. He lives by the motto: Keep It Movin. Read more at www.samrose101.com.
“You knew she had guy friends when you met her, so don’t try to amend her life now.” Totally true. You can’t expect someone to change their patterns with their friends just because you came along. And to change it now would be to awknowledge there was somthing wrong with that friendship to begin with. Which isn’t the case.
But what about the oppsite scenario? That is, a guy hanging out with his female friends after getting a new girlfriend. Here’s a post I wrote about that situation: http://www.mensanity.com/logical-advice-for-men-new-post-monday/2014/3/1/463754ge6iz2idjd7k0mtqwi0n1vov
Call it what you want. I don’t care. Yes true, men aren’t ALL like that, although most will only say that knowing damn well what their intentions are. Look , take Atypical ok, most likely she is a good looking fun to be around and hang out with tomboy who her male friends find attractive on some level or another, right? She thinks any guy who she would be with in a relationship should just shut up and deal with it, even if she wants to “fuck them too”, hey “my boyfriend is either going to deal with it and… Read more »
I like how you said you weren’t an “insecure, jealous man” and then came off as an insecure jealous man. I can see that you got burned, twice, and that totally sucks. But basically what you’re saying is I have to ditch my friends to have a boyfriend because he can’t “shut up and deal with it”. Guys that I have been friends with for years. And then when it doesn’t work out, I should just expect my friends to just get over it and be friends with me again? No. That’s stupid. Maybe you have baggage because you got… Read more »
I know her ”guy friend” and like you said I know his intentions(he’s making her defend him when I say something about him).
why is it that when “men are apes” benefits them they will embrace it, but when they see it as a judgement then they all cry “we’re not like that!” Men are good. they have good intentions. they show people respect. they do not manipulate. They aren’t interested in women ONLY as sex objects!!! until of course, it’s OTHER men that are being talked about. All of a sudden Men are just biding their time. they are just hanging about these women to get in their pants. They aren’t really their friend. (men aren’t sex crazed lunatics, they just find… Read more »
HA! YES! Now post this on the GMP facebook post for this article because I’m pretty sure the people who comment on there don’t actually read the article…let alone see these comments.
I am a guy and I agree.
Sam, good luck man! I, for one, have learned that the spoken or un-spoken sexual tension between men and women is what drives this behavior. I have been with my love (on and off) for the last five years. We are both divorced parents. We are also individually, and, as a partnership, making huge strides in the spiritual/emotional realm. One thing that has arisen for us to look at is our relations with the opposite gender while committed to one another. She is very athletically driven and likes men to mountain bike, ski, and run with. I tried to be… Read more »
I learned the hard way to avoid any woman who has “a lot of guy friends” they aren’t friends, they are just waiting for a window to open up so they can fuck her. I’ve heard all the excuses before, but if she has 1 male friend, that’s fine and dandy.. but if she’s hanging out with all guys, all the time, and they become distant and aggressive when they are around you.. that’s because they are waiting for you to slip up so they can make their move. I’ll *never* date another woman who “prefers to hang out with… Read more »
I have way more guy friends than female friends. Why? Because not a lot of women talk about sports, cars, science, and all the other things I like to talk about. Most girls that I know (and don’t waste my time befriending) talk about their future weddings and kids, clothes, celebrities, shoes, purses, and all stupid shit that I couldn’t care less about. If a man that I am interested in and is interested in me seems to have a problem with it I move on. I don’t mess with insecure men. I don’t have time for that. As far… Read more »
@ J,
Correct! Some of these guy “friends” of hers are past lovers.
Also, there are times where if the timing is right, especially if alcohol is involved, she is going to have sex with some of these guy friends.
JMO.
hi there, first of all. I’m not a jealous guy, have never been called jealous by any girl I’ve dated. Never worried much about my ex’s guy friends while we dated for 5 years. I could see that some of them had crushes on my ex but they were clearly not a threat since she was with me. When the relationship went through bad times she admitted to have sex with one of them to hurt me and now she’s on a relationship with another who didn’t have any problems in chasing her while we were having relationship issues and… Read more »
Karma is a bitch. Those guys will get what’s coming to them at some point in the future.
Great article…I always thought that if my partner was in the same class with me…and knew my classmates as well as I did, then he would not be jealous…but sometimes you can’t know what goes inside someone’s head…early on, my partner would show jealousy of my guy friends (which was weird to me since he knew them as well I did)….after 25+ years together, he doesn’t do that anymore…!
Avoid or pray.