What to Say When a Child Dies

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About Derek Markham

Derek Markham is a writer, father, and social media butterfly who builds websites and teaches small business owners how to integrate new media into their marketing and PR efforts.


  1. Hey Derek, I’m so sorry for your loss. thanks for writing this little article, I’ll be passing it along and hopefully it will help some other people too. Mo

  2. I can’t comprehend how hard this would be…right before the first birthday, too (which we just celebrated with our 4th child). I’m so sorry that you have had this experience; I wish this post were about something funny your boy did while on the playground last weekend.

  3. HUGE hugs to you & your family.

    I’ve lost two daughters, one at 24wks gestation, the other within hours of being born…It’s taken me almost 11 years to start putting pieces of my feelings of it all out there – the anger, the hurt, the sadness – but mainly the anger over the stigma of ‘one doesn’t talk about such things’ – ever.

    I have more I want to say, but the words get jumbled between my head and my fingers, but in short: Thank you for sharing.

  4. Bill Gouveia says:

    Thanks for helping those of us who want to help but are so often afraid. I admire your courage and willingness to put yourself out there.

  5. Tedesco McLean says:

    I grieve the death of a daughter. She may have already have lived 30 years. She may have “only been your stepdaughter.” She was a huge part of my life. She was my children’s sister, her daughter was my children’s niece. Her death was brutal and senseless. She may have been married to her killer. She may have died due to domestic violence and controlled substances. He may have taken his own life after killing his wife and child. It may have been nine years. It’s still excruiciatingly painful. It’s the stigma of these circumstances that have influenced the silence from the very people I thought would most support me and my children. They can’t. My biological family won’t talk about it. (It couldn’t happen to them – they’re not like THOSE people). I treasure the support I have received. I am so very grateful that my children and I have the love and support of my daughter’s biological family. I treasure the support given to us from the people of Mustang, Oklahoma (a very long way from where we live). It’s the silence that I can’t seem to forgive. The silence is more painful than the words of the well-intentioned. I know that they mean well, that they want to convey love and support. I can forgive them the awkwardness of their words. It’s still the silence that I find most painful. Thank you so very much for this opportunity to share. No matter what the circumstances are please don’t respond with silence.

  6. All I have to do is think about losing my 8 year-old son and the tears threaten to spill. I can’t imagine what kind of death I would die inside if it actually happened.

    I’m sorry for your loss.

    Happy belated birthday, little guy.

  7. Mike Billig says:

    Thanks for sharing this. Some friends of our just lost their freshman college daughter. The father and older son are our 7 year old son’s soccer coach, too.

Speak Your Mind