In our mad rush to make our children successful have we left something essential behind–a childhood.
Last weekend, I attended my son’s two hour preschool graduation. Part of the ceremonies included a slide show of the children holding up signs of what they wanted to be when they grew up. The answers were fascinating, as well as disturbing.
Over half of the 5 year olds held up signs saying they wanted to be doctors. Another large chunk (including my son) wanted to be police officers. To me, these choices reflect children’s innate desire to help others. Children like to be of service, so doctors and police officers reflect this compassion. Other children who wanted to be mommies and daddies echo this sentiment.
Not surprising, many of the children who wanted to be doctors (and even a few that wanted to be police officers) were girls. Girl power is in full swing even in pre-school, although a few cute little girls still wanted to be princesses.
What disturbed me about this slide show is how many children gave answers that didn’t seem to come from their hearts. A few of the kids who wanted to be doctors had signs that said “ophthalmologist,” “surgical doctor,” or “pediatrician.” I can’t even spell ophthalmologist without spell check. How does a five year old even know what that means? Other kids wanted to be architects and engineers. These answers seemed to come from the mouths and financial fears of their parents.
When I was five years old, I wanted to be Ultraman. Heck, when I was 12 years old I wanted to be a Jedi Knight. I even had stationary that read, “Obi Wan Hattori.” What happened to kids who want to be superheroes, astronauts, race car drivers, or teachers? One child did say that he wanted to be an art teacher, but one in 30 kids who wants to be something that is not based on financial success is not very hopeful.
I had to keep reminding myself that these were 5 year olds on stage in mini-caps and gowns. They technically were not even in school yet, and their parents were already mapping out their careers. What is the big rush? Can’t children dream of going to the moon anymore?
Next year things get really serious. I just attended a kindergarten orientation where they informed us that our children would be getting “optional” homework. One parent asked what “optional” meant. The teacher responded that the homework was not required, but 90% of the kids complete it and there is peer pressure. Peer pressure in kindergarten!! What the…??? At the end of the orientation, one parent asked if finals will be given at the end of the year.
I once heard about a study where they asked kindergarteners to raise their hands if they were artists. Almost all the children raised their hands. By sixth grade less than half the class raised their hands. Senior year of high school only contained a few artists. More disturbing is the lack of artists in preschool these days. Only two children mentioned anything creative in their dreams of who they wanted to become: the art teacher mentioned above and one other child who wanted to be an artist. No musicians, dancers, teachers, inventors, painters, builders, or actors.
I’ve always had a soft spot for lost children. The child catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang scared the bejesus out of me. Even before I had kids, I felt deep compassion for children taken away from their parents and communities. Films like Rabbit Proof Fence and City of Lost Children struck a chord deep in my heart. I remember watching a documentary when my first son was one years old about how children in China are kidnapped and sold to wealthy couples due to the national one-child policy. I still think about these kidnappers when I can’t find my sons in a crowded mall or park.
Watching the graduation of five year olds who can already read and write, it occurred to me that we are losing our children. We might have them in body, but their spirits are being bottled. Dreams of chasing rainbows and exploring the Universe are being replaced with responsible choices that ensure financial security. In our mad rush to get them onto an educational track to Harvard (what Alfie Kohn calls “Preparation H”), we are sucking all the creativity and magic out of them.
But there is hope. Two twin boys appeared on the screen holding signs that made the whole crowd laugh. One wanted to be a pirate. The other wanted to be a Lego designer. Later that weekend, five year old Fox told me that he wanted to join Shaolin Shaolin Kung Fu school, and after a few years, he wants to open his own school and teach. Obi Wan Hattori is alive and well in the Empire of Silicon Valley.
Photo: flickr.com/Paul Schultz
I’d prefer the Prep H route. This is probably a class division: growing up poor and in substandard conditions makes you value education way more than being humanistic. If kids know that being and staying poor is undesirable–a sort of trap, even–then it makes sense they’d prefer to go for something that keeps them from being homeless.
That said, good article.
Agreed, Jeremy. Education is a great ticket out of poverty. I’m not asking for an end to educational goals, just some balance. What we do in preschool or kindergarten is not going to determine what college we get into, but it will affect how we dream, live, and love.
Thanks for this Kozo. We need perspective. We need artists. We need children who can experience joy for as long as possible. Or, like as long as they live. Forget about worrying about what you are going to be when you are an adult. Worry about being a human.
Thanks, Lisa. Your statement reminds me of a t-shirt I have that says “Human Being–Be Both.” 🙂