David Levithan’s novel Every Day invites readers to consider the foundations of attraction and love.
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Imagine every day waking in a different body. From birth, you have hopped from individual to individual. It is all you have ever known. You have no name because you have no permanent living vessel. You have no gender because your body swapping has you bouncing between all sexualities.
Now, picture one day falling in love. The object of your affection happens to be female, the girlfriend of the male body you inhabit that day. When you leave this body, your consciousness will remember every detail while the body will experience only vague memories of the day. The girl, Rhiannon, is also none the wiser of your presence.
This is the life of the character known simply as “A.” in David Levithan’s novel Every Day. I read this upon recommendation from a colleague, and as a result, I have an even deeper empathy with those in the LGBT community whose choices about attraction and love are questioned by others.
You see, A. doesn’t know gender, and therefore his attractions are not predicated on societal influence and tradition. Sure, since A.’s consciousness throughout the book continues past each interaction, A. certainly is influenced by societal norms. But who is to say that when A. is attracted to Rhiannon, it is a heterosexual attraction? Nothing but biology and instinct guides A.’s attraction and love.
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If we prescribe that the biological and instinctual drive of one individual to love and create an authentic, deep relationship with another is wrong and must be altered, we remove any possible path to happiness.
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Now consider our LGBT friends, family, and peers. Yes, in some cases, gender is apparent at birth, but that does not inherently create an imperative that attraction and love must only follow a heterosexual path. It is led by biology and instinct.
There are those who would argue humans are born with other biological and instinctual tendencies that can and should be suppressed or adapted. Humans are biologically driven to suckle from their mother’s breast, but eventually society encourages weaning from that habit. Humans instinctually yawn, and will often instinctually mimic the action when seeing another yawn, but humans can adapt this behavior by forcefully suppressing a yawn or placing a hand over the mouth.
Simplistic examples, yes, but here’s my point. Whether you’re a fan of Maslow’s hierarchy or Seligman’s psychology of happiness, all place authentic, deep relationships before esteem, achievement, and self-actualization. If we prescribe that the biological and instinctual drive of one individual to love and create an authentic, deep relationship with another is wrong and must be altered, we remove any possible path to happiness.
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As we celebrate LGBT Pride/Book Month, put yourself in A.’s shoes. If you knew no gender at birth and you fell deeply in love with a girl, would you allow others to deny that attraction? Would you think, “Well, there’s a chance I could be having a homosexual relationship, so I just shouldn’t take a chance on it?” Now walk in the shoes of members of the LGBT community. It may not change your mind, but it may change your perspective. And if you’re walking in their shoes, then you’re walking next to them. And that’s much better, in my opinion, than simply walking past them.
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Feature image credit: xJason.Rogersx/flickr
Book cover image: http://dailyfig.figment.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/david-levithan-every-day-side-by-side.jpg
But gender does matter. That is why gay people are gay. I get what you are saying but it matters.
I am a gay man and have been with my partner for over 52 years. We have lived in Massachusetts for over 51 years and married 10 years next week. I am also a Navy Vet and a retired software engineer. I remember when I was born and my mother verified it when I told her what I saw. She also told me that she could not breast feed me as I pushed her away, so I was fed with baby formula milk. I have always been attracted to men and could never become aroused by a woman even though… Read more »