Why Can’t Straight Men Experiment, Too?

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About Nikki Brown

Nikki Brown blogs anonymously about sex, relationships, life, gender, sexuality, the environment, and anything else that piques her interest or raises her hackles. In her spare time, she practices yoga, sustainable living, drinking vodka, and the art of burlesque. Her blog can be found at http://womenarefrommars.wordpress.com/


  1. Wild Bill says:

    Well, as a straight man, I feel I am qualified to answer this question: there’s no desire to experiment for most straight men. Not saying it’s bad or they can’t identify as straight if they do. I just don’t find men attractive. You could argue it being due to a heteronormative society, but honestly? Even if society was not heteronormative as it is, I don’t think most men who identify as straight would suddenly be willing to have sex with other men. We just don’t find dudes sexually desirable, that’s all. Of course I can’t speak for all straight men, but at least in my experience that’s why we identify as straight in the first place.

  2. Those who are a 0 in Kinsey scale are straight,
    those who are a 6 are gay/lesbians
    and all those who are 1-2-3-4-5 are bisexuals.

    You can call it experimentation, a phase, just fun, whatever, it’s just self-delusion.

    How about sleeping with me and then claim it was just experimentation, a phase, or just for fun.
    The fact doesn’t change, I shagged you :)

    So what’s wrong with identifying as bisexual.
    Yes, if someone enjoys having SEX with both SEXes, then that person is biSEXual.
    Claiming experimentation or a having a phase, are lame excuses. Yes you are biSEXual, deal with it.

    It seems there is bisexuality-phobia around.

  3. Someone saying:
    “I had sex with someone of the same sex but I was only experimenting so I am still 100% straight”
    is like a man saying:
    “I had sex with women but I was only experimenting so I am still 100% virgin”

  4. This post is…true but fairly shallow and unhelpful. Why don’t you explore the patriarchal notions of “feminine” being lesser than “masculine,” and how that manifests itself in social acceptance of women taking on a “masculine” role (sex with women, wearing pants), but aversion to men taking on a “feminine” role (sex with men, wearing dresses). It’s one of the best examples of how patriarchy hurts men too; viewing some traits as lesser than others restricts our natural personalities, and confines men to rigid regulations of accepted masculinity.

    • Ha! Shallow, eh? Fair enough. And I’d say, given your argument, I’d agree with you. Absolutely the issues of feminine as lesser is HUGE for homophobia and, in the same vein, for the aversion for men to experiment/gaying men immediately. I mean, WOAH you did something only ladies do, and they’re lesser, so why would you EVER do that, therefore, here, I now place you in the “gay” box because that’s also lesser. Yet the point I was making here *was* to hopefully get people thinking on a, well, perhaps more shallow level – but I’d prefer to say less defined level. Trying to say “hey, I can do this, why can’t men?” and asking people to contemplate that by itself, before really getting into the why/how dark underbelly of heteronormativity and gender roles. Your point, however, is well taken, and exactly where the conversation gets more serious. Thank you!

  5. Thank you thank you thank you for writing this. I’m a bi trans guy who has been with a straight cis guy for six years. People get *really* confused when they find out that he identifies as straight because, well, he’s been in love with a dude for six years. But, it’s exactly like you mentioned above – he’s all about the women…except for me. Love works in funny ways, and the love of his life just happened to be a guy. It’s not at all what he was expecting, but there you have it. Also, we’re in an open relationship and all of his other partners are female (and generally very feminine as well), which actually makes me feel rather special.

    • This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about. This right here. I honestly wonder how many more people would let special relationships (maybe not even serious ones, but at least fun, eye-opening ones!) into their lives if we didn’t have the social backlash – if it was ok. Of course, as Gabby mentioned above, this would also mean a lot of other things would be wayyy more awesome too… But I digress.

      OF COURSE this does NOT mean everyone should now experiment. OF COURSE many people are straight and have no desire to do so – and that’s fantastic too! That’s the whole point! That we are all able to feel comfortable with the relationships and sex we have, and are privileged to not be judged for it. Glad you enjoyed this! :D

  6. I kissed a boy…and I didn’t like it. Not into men or sexually experimenting with them either. I don’t have a problem with that because its my identity. Do you have a problem with my “heteronormativity?” (I don’t think you do but don’t call me a breeder-I can’t have kids anymore lol!)

  7. How about we just accept everything that everyone does in society with no social backlash and let’s how even more destructive this world already becomes. Isn’t this already hell on earth for the most part with the high crime rates, extensive spread of diseases and stds, parent-less children, children killing their parents, parents killing their children……who cares what you do sexually…….the only person you should worry about caring is the person you plan on being involved with sexually and/or emotionally. You should be honest with that person. There’s always going to be some form of discrimination. This world will never be entirely fair to everyone or anyone, so who the F cares about backlash. Like another poster said before, deal with it. I’m a minority and a woman and consequently I will always experience some kind of discrimination SO NEXT!!!!! GET OVER IT PLEASE!!!!

  8. You have the right to be who you want to be and do what makes you happy, with and without backlash. Don’t blame other people for your fears and for misrepresenting yourself or taking advantage of people you choose to be dishonest with. Backlash and discrimination (in all facets of life) is a strong component of this world, that will never completely diminish no matter how many minds one change’s via propaganda. People receive backlash because of physical appearance, culture, criminal background blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…..


  1. [...] I’ve talked about it here before, but check it out over on the GMP: Why Can’t Straight Men Experiment Too? [...]

  2. [...] also brought to mind, for me, my most recent post over there about sexual expression, and that straight women can experiment, but straight men cannot. The idea [...]

Speak Your Mind