I’m a male feminist. But here is what I am not…
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Until recently it hadn’t occurred to me that I need to explain why I’m a feminist, but reading through some extremely deluded material on the internet has made me worried that mainstream culture doesn’t understand who male feminists are and what we’re doing.
I’m inspired by everyone who lives life on their terms, being their true selves.
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I know if you clicked this, you probably already agree with me, but for my own sake I’m addressing the people I see everyday on the internet slamming feminism and its advocates, and calling on “real men” to sexually satisfy, protect, and provide for the women of the world so those slamming feminism will all shut up. (Most women prefer “real men” anyway, after all.)
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First, I can’t speak for other feminists, male or female. Feminism is not one thing and people have different opinions about different aspects of it. Don’t assume I agree with everything you’ve ever heard any feminist say.
But I’ll speak for me.
I’m a male feminist, and my manhood is in no way fake.
I’m not afraid of, or intimidated by femininity or women in general.
I’m not afraid of, or intimidated by masculinity or men in general.
I’m inspired by everyone who lives life on their terms, being their true selves.
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I’m don’t believe women are better than men.
I don’t believe men are better than women.
I don’t believe men and women are exactly the same.
I don’t seek the approval of women any more than men.
I do seek the approval of those who are happy, kind, and helpful rather than harmful to the world around them.
I don’t think it is wrong to express any opinion—even those which contradict the feminist mainstream—as long as that opinion is backed by evidence and argued politely.
I don’t respond to arguments against equality which are impolitely articulated and lack evidence. But I respect your right to shout.
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I don’t think that monogamy or marriage are inherently sexist.
I don’t want to attack or dismantle religion, tradition, or the government.
I don’t tell people what to do in their bedrooms.
I’m not a feminist because I like being sexually dominated, humiliated, or talked down to. I don’t, and even if I did this has nothing to do with political opinion.
My wife doesn’t make decisions for me, tell me what to do, or lecture me.
My mother is not a dominating, loud, or aggressive person. On the contrary.
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I’m not a feminist because it’s politically correct.
I’m not a feminist because it’s trendy, or because it makes me seem progressive.
I’m not a feminist because I care about women (although I do).
I’m a feminist because feminism helps men.
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The feminism I believe in advocates for gender equality—not female superiority. It argues that we should all be who we really want to be rather than what we’re told to be or what our ancestors were. It allows men and women to be best friends and partners rather than first and second in command.
Through the eras, gender conditioning has harmed men as much as it has women.
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It means boys and girls can play with whatever toys they want instead of learning to be embarrassed by liking something they “shouldn’t.” It demands that we welcome gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and people of all kinds into our culture because they’ve always been here anyway and rejecting them hurts us.
It asks us to try to understand and empathize with people who are different, rather than define them. It gives us the opportunity to grow into our full and complete personalities instead of cutting off whatever parts of ourselves don’t fit the mold.
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Through the eras, gender conditioning has harmed men as much as it has women. Men have been taught to suppress, repress, and despise their own feelings. They have been trained to fight and to kill and to die. They have been taught to dominate and control their families creating fear and a loveless resentment towards them. They have been conditioned to believe that their opinions were facts and that contrary opinions were attacks rather than collaboration. They have been taught that their passion, imagination, domesticity were at best a diversion, but more probably a weakness.
Feminism allows men to have a better life: a happier, safer, fuller, kinder, more egalitarian life.
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Many of our forefathers grew up incomplete. Many of them were incapable of cooking, cleaning, or caring for themselves and were utterly dependant on women they often resented. They hardened into tough old men. They narrowed and chiseled themselves down into little masculine nubs and tried to do the same to their sons.
Feminism allows men to have a better life: a happier, safer, fuller, kinder, more egalitarian life.
If you want something different, that’s your right.
And I will fight you.
I won’t let our culture prune my children like bonsai trees into what it thinks they should be. I won’t let you reduce me, or them, any further. We’re stronger, smarter, and better than that.
This is why I am a male feminist.
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Photo: Getty Images
The feminist that I am is one who seeks gender equality rather than women superiority. I think a lot of people oppose feminism because they lack knowledge, they think we’re all about women being in charge. While women being in charge is in not a problem at all, that is not all that we are. We want both men and women to understand that we’re equal and nothing ought to be an excuse for inequality.
It warms my heart to see men like you caring about gender equality, it really does.
I am not a feminist, nor am I a democrat, progressive, politically correct, social justice warrior – I have no ambitions to save society, In all my experiences of interacting with it, I have found to be toxic, manipulative and sinister. * I am not a Republican either. For 30 years Feminists have shouted they don’t need men, so I am in no way, manner, means nor intentions of interacting, supporting, assisting, funding, nor following women. I am for me, my, mine – ( and if you are completely honest with yourself, you are just as selfish; more so if… Read more »
This is a beautiful piece, Thank you for your contribution 🙂
Jay, I loved this piece. Thank you!
I also am a male feminist taking it exactly where it says it wants to go. I fight sexism by refusing to support any group that is overtly sexist – I refuse to buy Girl Scout Cookies. I support feminism by giving women the opportunity to be men ever chance I get. A woman with a flat tire – a man can change his, I insist she can change hers. Getting a large item through tight doors – a man can do it on his own, I insist she do it also. I’m not being a jerk, I am being… Read more »
What is female’s true nature?
“since the dawn of our species women have kept their true nature hidden from men….”
Erin, I look forward to his answer:).
For 50.000 years women have hidden their true nature !
If we imagine how many persons that adds up to over 50.000 years it means women must be highly intelligent ,and organized world wide to succed in total agreement they all women must and should hide their “true nature” .
I do look forward to his answer !
At night, they dress up in capes and run around the city saving people with badmakeup and silly masks.
You said “I’m a feminist because feminism helps men.” Please name 3 feminist initiatives that were directed so as to benefit men.
You said something about “political correctness” … sorry to tell you but the feminist movement has been in decline for a number of years. Most women disassociate themselves from feminism.
And to let you know, I am all those things you mentioned and I am not a feminist. You see, I and countless others have found that we don’t have to have a label to do and bee all those things.
I clicked on it to save you…from yourself You are not really a feminist. You can’t be as a man. You are an egalitarian. Feminism just stole it so as to exclude the masculine from their claim of saintlyhood…and carried it from there on in the hate for men. The word, by its very morphology, is to the exclusion of the male. It argues, just by existing, that the masculine is incapable of everything you’ve just stated that you are. It is devious and dastardly, and exactly the reason you state that you are a femininity in order to express… Read more »
Great reply DJ, But I found this statement interesting “Feminism allows men to have a better life: a happier, safer, fuller, kinder, more egalitarian life.” “allows men?”
“You are not really a feminist.”
I think he is. But it doesn’t matter if I think he is. Just like it doesn’t really matter that you don’t think he is.
At the end of the day, clearly the author identifies as a feminist. Clearly that should be respected. He gets to define who he is. He gets to define what Feminism means to him. You’re certainly free to disagree with his views. But it’s not right to tell him that he isn’t something when he clearly identifies as the very thing you’ve attempted to denounce in him.
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you!