In a society that seems to be raising children to be sheltered, silent conformist, I want mine to be there one day to tell them the truth.
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A few months ago, my son said he wanted to eat healthier because he didn’t want to grow up to be like me. When I asked him what he meant by that, he was hesitant, but I knew what he was driving at. I admit that I wasn’t in the best shape of my life, and I had gained a few inches around the middle. I spent most of my time when I was home on the couch in front of the television with some delectable snack and beverage in arms reach. What my son was saying is I was fat, and he didn’t want any part of that.
That made me proud.
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I knew that what he was saying was true, and to him, it was very important that he said it.
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After the initial shock and the few moments it took me not to be offended, I realized that out of that came some of the best motivational advice I had ever received. Not only was he telling me that he wanted to have a healthier lifestyle, but he was telling me that I needed to have one as well. I knew that there were two things I could do at that point, either stress eat and continue to give up, or I could do something about it. What I also realized that my poor lifestyle choices would impact his little life in many more ways than I had ever admitted to myself before.
Many people would have heard what he said and thought or said, “How rude!” but I didn’t. I knew that what he was saying was true, and to him, it was very important that he said it. He was aware of the potential to hurt my feeling, and he was aware that he could have faced a bad reaction from me for saying it. He cares about me, and he also understands that what I was doing to myself was not a good thing.
What he said further motivated me to be better, not only to myself but also for my children. Over the last year, I have lost 30 pounds and am slowly getting into the best shape of my life. I can consistently run a mile at a time, something I wasn’t even that good at when I was young. I work out five times a week now and get outside and do physical activity on the weekends when I don’t even have to.
All of this is in part to my little boy being a jerk!
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Don’t get me wrong, it did sting a bit when he said it. In fact, my initial reaction internally was to get defensive and even a little angry. After those feelings had subsided, I realized that what he was saying was the absolute truth. He didn’t want to be fat and lazy; he didn’t want to be an out of shape sloth. He wanted to be active and healthy and even, more importantly, he wanted that for me as well. The old saying, “the truth hurts,” didn’t apply here. I was no longer hurt by it; I was proud of him and proud that he was willing to say what he meant and more importantly, what needed to be said even when the recipient might be offended.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where people who speak the truth are far too often called jerks. While there are a lot of true jerks in the world, myself included, I would hope that my children will always be confident enough in themselves and their relationships to be able to speak the truth when it needs to be stated. I never want them to live in regret of not saying the right thing at the right time because they were fearful of the reaction from anyone that might not agree. They should never be intimidated by popular opinion or political correctness to speak their mind, as long as they are doing it for the right reasons.
We work with them often on their tact and delivery, and we certainly don’t want them to be rude for the sake of being right. Sometimes, though, in a world of coddled, self-important, cry babies the truth needs to be delivered with less tact to properly get the point across. I never want them to be mean or bully anyone; I do want them to be able to defend and verbalize their points of view.
I always want them to care enough about the world we live in, and their fellow human beings to deliver the hard truths. Even to me, their father who often forgets his place in the world, and how my poor decisions and poorly thought out ideas can affect so many around me. We spend a lot of time teaching our children right and wrong, good and bad but when they recognize an inconsistency in their parents, we need to be able to hear it, and we need to react appropriately. It’s not the worst thing in the world to be corrected by your children; youth doesn’t always mean a lack of wisdom.
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If that makes me a jerk, then I want it to make my children jerks as well.
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As I watch them mature and grow, and hear their words, I know that the potential is there in each of them to have a tremendous impact on the world around them. I know that they each have now and will develop gifts that will push them to become world changers and leaders. If I don’t help cultivate these gifts and their ability to step up to the plate without fear, then, I think I am doing a disservice not only to them but to the world as a whole.
There is a fine balance that we all have to find, but the fear of hurt feelings can never outweigh the need for truth. If that makes me a jerk, then I want it to make my children jerks as well. Not mean spirited, not spiteful, not hateful, but honest and thoughtful.
In a society that seems to be raising children to be sheltered, silent conformist, I want mine to be there one day to tell them the truth.
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Photo: Flickr/ Alan