Norine Dworkin-McDaniel is a wife, mom, and businesswoman. She is also an addict. And she talks about her addiction with her son. Why? Because she doesn’t know how not to.
My son was 6 when I first took him to a 12-step meeting. I hadn’t intended to bring him, but one winter night early in my recovery, I wanted — needed — a drink. The only thing standing between me and the bottle of vodka I desperately wanted (and just as desperately wanted not to want) was a meeting. There was no one to babysit, so I brought my son along, stuck earbuds in his ears and turned on my laptop. While he watched Finding Nemo, the people at that meeting saved my life.
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When it comes to anxiety-provoking conversations that parents dread having with their children, sitting down for a tête-à-tête about drug use and addiction is undoubtedly second only to the make-everyone-cringe discussions about baby-making mechanics and prevention. I suppose I could consider myself fortunate — I had to talk to my child about drugs earlier and more openly than I wanted to because I am an addict. Yes, me: an upstanding mom with a business and a family.
It’s a rare perspective, to hear people talk about addiction’s endgame — when using ceases to add a bit of excitement to life and becomes the reason to live at all. I hope he internalizes these stories because they’re coming from people he’s gotten to know and love — the biker who lets him sit on his motorcycle; the cyber-security expert he plays video games with; the stylist who cuts my hair; my sponsor who lets him play with her dogs. And, of course, me, his mother. I talk often and openly with my son about addiction because I don’t know how not to.
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Addiction cuts across every strata of society, so we all know someone who’s dealt with substance abuse —the mom sitting next to you at PTO, the guy remodeling your kitchen, the flight attendant passing out snacks. But it’s just as likely that we won’t realize it because the shame and stigma associated with addiction keeps those of us who struggle hidden, isolated, and silent.
In 12-step recovery we say “It’s our secrets that keep us sick.”That’s why I’m so glad for the#NightofConversation, a national movement to encourage open, honest conversations. Drag addiction out of the shadows and into the daylight and you kill the shame. And then, as a parent, you will have something else to say besides “Just say no.”(Nice idea, but “no” is often the surefire way to ensure a kid will do exactly the thing you don’t want him to. And besides, the only things I’ve found my 9-year-old willing to say “no” to are bedtime, teeth brushing, and mashed potatoes.)
I talk often and openly with my son about addiction because I don’t know how not to.
In fact, it was my son who asked me recently if I still did drugs.
“Not anymore. Not for a long time,” I reassured him.
“Then why do you still go to meetings?” he wanted to know.
I thought about telling him that, like any chronic disease, addiction never really goes away; that it may be managed, but never cured. That if I let my guard down for an instant, I could slide right back into the bottle.
But instead I said simply, “Using drugs made Mommy sick. Going to meetings keeps me healthy so I don’t get sick again.”
“Oh,” he said. “Okay. I get it.”
And I’m reasonably certain that he did.
Originally published at http://www.drozthegoodlife.com/health-articles/health-conditions/a843/honest-about-addiction-with-son/ as “Why I’m Honest About With My 9 Year Old Son About Being an Addict.”
Photo Courtesy of the Author
It’s important to share your addiction with your kids as not only it will create good bonding and understanding between you and your kids, but it will also act as a lifelong lesson and experience for kids that will discourage them to try drugs later on. Addiction is a complex but treatable illness. An effective recovery program or addiction counselor can help you manage your addiction and prevent its relapse in future.
Visit http://bit.ly/1XGevUy for more details on how to treat addiction.
Bravo and beautiful.
God bless you Norine.