A male writer remembers the women he’s met that pleasantly surprised him intimately, and how they smashed his preconceptions about who should be good at…you know.
I guess you could call me one of the more “typical” male writers for The GMP. I like my beer and football (the Yankee gridiron kind), and I’ve unashamedly gone to a Hooters. In different cities. Several different times. Yet, my politics mostly lean left, I’m pretty much for all for everyone’s human rights, and I have a real passion for everything that is the American woman.
Let me briefly explain. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always really adored women. The way they look. The way they talk. The way they think. Obsession? Nah. Fascination? Guilty. I couldn’t help it then, and I can’t help it now. I think women are tons more fascinating than men could ever be. And, I’ve always been a bit of a flirt, so that plays into it as well.
Anyhoo, one of the things about women that I’ve been curious about is…sex. I’ve often wondered what women thought about sex. Do they like it? What kind of sex do they like? Is sex important to them? What do they think about the men they have sex with? How often did they want sex? What did they think about the men they’ve had sex with?
That last question is important, because as a man who’s had many serious, funny, open, and randy conversations with women about sex, women have often gone into detail with me about the men they’ve been with sexually. And many of these details have to do with surprises and revelations. Some of the men my female friends expected to be studs (the jacked personal trainer, the athlete) were average “performers”. But, more than a few men they assumed would be adequate lovers (men without muscles) turned out to have porn star level skills in the sack.
Well, I’m here to tell you, as a man who’s had my share of carnal interaction, the same thing goes for the ladies. You never know who will rock your world. I have to admit, I’d been taught by my fellow hetero men and society in general that hot women would be hot lovers, and the other women (heavy, average looking, etc.)…wouldn’t be. They wouldn’t be hot, wouldn’t be good, wouldn’t really be worth it.
Here are a few examples of what I’ve learned “in the field”. There’ve been times I thought the yoga instructor with 2% body fat was going to tear me apart (in a good way). And she didn’t. (She wasnt bad) But the witty, bespectacled data entry clerk with the retro fashion sense did (she was amazing). A few times. There was the conservative, single, soccer mom who was Claire Huxtable by day, and a pagan sex goddess after 11pm. I’ll always remember the sarcastic “mean girl” who somehow convinced me to come to her place, and once “things” got started, I realized her attitude was just a shield to keep the bozos away from the most sexually gifted woman I’d met at that time of my life (let’s just say that whenever I went to her place, all appliances were turned off). I was very pleasantly surprised by each encounter 😉 But, also blown (no pun intended) away. My preconceived ideas about women and sex were smashed (pun kinda intended). Sexy clothes, make up, and heels didn’t necessarily equal sexy woman nor sexy playtime.
This isn’t to say that the thin, typically beautiful women I’ve “known” in my life didn’t knock my socks off. Some of them have. I’m just pointing out that outward appearances alone can’t give you an indication of the libido and the sexual prowess of any woman.
(And please, please don’t think me a player. I’m 41 years old. My volume of experiences is due to my time on Earth, not any Denzel-esque charm.)
In retrospect, what was so sexy about my individual sexual “discoveries” was having the privilege (or the honor) of seeing these women’s true sexual identities. Sides of them that many people wouldn’t get to see. And, frankly, enjoying these different personalities. Spending time with the data entry clerk was great because she was so sensual (and funny). Time spent with Sex Goddess Mom was always kinky and adventurous. The mean girl was actually very witty and open. And nude. A lot.
It’s obvious from what you’ve read from above, that I really love women. But, throughout the years, it’s been the constant, wonderful surprises from women that I’ve also equally loved. And who doesn’t love surprises?
Photo Viskan The Wild Card Flickr
Thanks for your article. As I very much agree. Though I probably don’t have as much experience as yourself in the world of sex. I’ve slept with more than my fair share of women, and though I use to follow society’s standards of hook ups. I’ve changed, and now enjoy the married life. That being said, most gorgeous women aren’t that great in bed at all, and this is my thought as to why. They are gorgeous, and don’t feel the need to please. From what I’ve encountered. They feel as of they’re pleasing you with their presence and beautiful… Read more »
Being a newb in this area I can say I have no idea what you are talking about, but you have certainly encouraged me. Can’t wait to get married now lol
I think the author of this article would dig Guys We Fucked: The Anti Slut Shaming Podcast (www.soundcloud.com/guyswefucked)
Ughhhh , I would rather teach a hot woman how to have the type of sex we both enjoy than teaching a stretch marked , lazy, chubby or fat clerk how to eat or be fit .
Just say it bro , you like fat asses .
i think you’ve missed the point of this publication.
Thanks for sharing your perspective… I love having sex, and mostly my only regret is that I haven’t had enough! In my earlier years I was just afraid… Disease, pregnancy and even of mockery.. But those. Were my issues and pretty much worked out by my early 40s… Since that time (I’m 55) I’ve had several one night stands, an exciting encounter that was followed up by a few other encounters that were more private, and several erotic massage experiences. (Those are fun!) but I know I am discounted because I am larger and very successful… My lovers have all… Read more »
Hey, sexual awakening at any age is awesome 🙂 It’s good to see that your confidence, sexual and overall, has grown.
Thanks for writing this! As someone who’s been feeling insecure about my appearance lately, it’s nice to hear from a guy who’s had great sex with women who weren’t a 10 on the bro rating system. I can certainly attest to the fact that some of us, who aren’t 100% jaw-dropping, are pretty damn good in bed. 🙂
Thank you, and agreed 😉
When I was younger I put up with whatever a guy wanted to do even if it left me feeling bad because I wanted to please, I somehow thought men just new more about sex (totally wrong) and didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I also was more hungry for attention then I was respect. I think a lot of younger girls are. It took a like time for me to learn some important things and how to stand up for myself in relationships with men. But when I was younger, I felt better about my body and… Read more »
I completely agree with you about how bizarre it is that physically attractive people are assumed to be better at sex. I don’t really understand where this comes from, and I can’t imagine it makes any sense to anyone who’s ever experienced deep, emotionally involved, passionate sex with someone they care about. I spent six years in a relationship with someone I was crazy about — my best friend who understands me more than probably any future partners will — and while he wasn’t “hot” according to our bullshit standards (nor was I), we had the most intensely amazing sex… Read more »
My relationship with sex is complicated and still evolving. I was sexually assaulted as a teen but even before that the messages I absorbed from society, my family, the media etc influenced my feelings about sex and my sexuality in a very negative way. It’s only now in my early 30’s that I’ve reached a place where I am comfortable with my body, my sexuality and my enjoyment of sex. No longer feeling ashamed of enjoying sex has been a freeing experience and I will be forever grateful to a particular ex who (along with a lot of therapy) gave… Read more »
“Insatiable”. It’s awesome you had the courage to write that. Owning your sexuality, now matter how mild or crazy it is (NOT saying yours is), is very important.
Do they like it? I do! What kind of sex do they like? Being married for 7 years with a 4 year old and opposite work schedules makes it difficult to have great sex every single time but we make it happen (even if it’s a bathroom quickie) on average 3 times a week. Is sex important to them? Yes! It’s an important part of health and happiness, but sadly some experience sexual trauma so it may be difficult for them. In addition, some are culturally conditioned to be indifferent or find it shameful. What do they think about the… Read more »