Jed Diamond, P.h.D, looks at suicide in men from both an individual and societal vantage point and gives ways to prevent it from happening.
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Recently I received a review copy of the book, Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Men’s Success by Thomas Joiner, Ph.D. I was happy to offer a review. Dr. Joiner is one of the world’s leading experts on suicide and has published two previous books, Myths about Suicide (Harvard University Press 2010) and Why People Die by Suicide (Harvard University Press 2005).
Dr. Joiner and I share a professional interest in suicide prevention. Suicide is a major world-wide epidemic taking the lives of over 1,000,000 people a year, according to the World Health Organization. Estimates suggest that 10 to 20 times more individuals attempt suicide.
Self-harm now takes more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined.
Our personal lives have also been touched by suicide. My mid-life father tried to commit suicide when I was 5 years old. Although he lived, our lives were never the same. I grew up wondering what happened to my father and was terrified that the same thing would happen to me. My life-long interest in men’s health grew from my desire to help men, and the women and children who love them, to understand what causes men to give up on life and what we can do to keep them engaged.
Dr. Joiner’s father, also named Thomas, killed himself when Dr. Joiner was in his third year of graduate school. Although the senior Thomas was depressed, he didn’t seem like a suicide risk. As reported by Tony Dokoupil in a recent article, The Suicide Epidemic, “the 56-year old Joiner was gregarious, the kind of guy who was forever talking and laughing and bending people his way. He wasn’t a brittle person with bad genes and big problems. Thomas Joiner Sr. was a successful businessman, a former Marine, tough even by Southern standards.” As it turned out, these “manly” traits may have contributed to his demise.
Joiner remembers the day his father disappeared. “Dad had left an unmade bed in a spare room, and an empty spot where his van usually went. By nightfall he hadn’t been heard from, and the following morning my mother called me at school. The police had found the van. It was parked in an office lot about a mile from the house, the engine cold. Inside, in the back, the police found my father dead, covered in blood. He had been stabbed through the heart.”
The investigators found slash marks on his father’s wrists and a note on a yellow sticky pad by the driver’s seat. “Is this the answer?” it read, in his father’s shaky scrawl. They ruled it a suicide, death by “puncture wound,” an impossibly grisly way to go, which made it all the more difficult for Joiner to understand.
Suicide is a Primarily Male Problem
In his latest book, Lonely at the Top, Joiner asks, “which cause of death stands out as affecting men far more than women? Given their privileged financial and society status, perhaps it has something to do with the dark side of wealth and power such as the cardiac or stroke-related consequences of influential but stressful jobs, or a taste for expensive but unhealthy foods?”
“No,” he says, “It’s suicide.” Approximately 30,000 people commit suicide each year in the U.S. and 80% were men. Overall, males kill themselves at rates that are 4 times higher than females. But in certain age groups men are even more vulnerable. The suicide rate for those ages 20-24 is 5.4 times higher for males than for females of the same age.
In the older age groups suicide is even more a “male problem.” After retirement, the suicide rate skyrockets for men, but not for women. Between the ages of 65-74 the rate is 6.3 times higher for males. Between the ages of 75-84, the suicide rate is 7 times higher. And for those over 85, it is nearly 18 times higher for men than it is for women.
A New Understanding of Why People Die by Suicide
Joiner is 47 now, and a chaired professor at Florida State University, in Tallahassee. He’s made it his life’s work to understand why people kill themselves and what we can do to prevent them from taking their lives. He hopes to honor his father, by combating what killed him and by making his death a stepping stone to better treatment. “Because,” as he says, “no one should have to die alone in a mess in a hotel bathroom, in the back of a van, or on a park bench, thinking incorrectly that the world will be better off without them.”
Dr. Joiner has proposed a new theory of why people commit suicide which he believes is more accurate than previous formulations offered by writers like Edwin Schneidman, Ph.D. and Aaron Beck, MD. According to Schneidman’s model, the key motivator which drives people to suicide is psychological pain. In Beck’s understanding, the key motivator is the development of a pervasive sense of hopelessness. Dr. Joiner suggests that these are correct understandings but are also too vague to be useful for predictive purposes and not capable of offering a complete motivational picture.
Joiner proposes that there are three key motivational aspects which contribute to suicide. These are: 1) a sense of not belonging, of being alone, 2) a sense of not contributing, of being a burden 3) a capability for suicide, not being afraid to die. All three of these motivations or preconditions must be in place before someone will attempt suicide.
Although women, too, can take their own lives when they suffer at the intersection of “feeling alone, feeling a burden, and not being afraid to die,” this is clearly a more male phenomenon. Throughout our lives males take more risks and invite injury more often. We are taught that “winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing” and “no pain, no gain.”
We often invest so much of our lives in our work, when we lose our jobs or retire we feel worthless, unable to contribute. It’s a short step to feeling we are a burden on those we love. We also put less effort into developing and maintaining friendships so we can come to feel more and more alone.
Preventing Suicide In Men
I’ve found that Joiner’s model, what he calls the Interpersonal Theory of Suicide, can be very helpful in understanding suicide risk in men. The three overlapping circles help alert us to the kinds of questions we might ask ourselves if we want to prevent suicide. Joiner and his colleagues have developed a questionnaire that addresses these issues. Here are a few of the items they assess:
Thwarted Belonginess:
These days, I feel disconnected from other people.
These days, I rarely interact with people who care about me.
These days, I don’t feel I belong.
These days, I often feel like an outsider in social gatherings.
Perceived Burdensomeness:
These days the people in my life would be better off if I were gone.
These days the people in my life would be happier without me.
These days I think I have failed the people in my life.
These days I feel like a burden on the people in my life.
Capacity for Suicide:
Things that scare most people do not scare me.
The sight of my own blood does not bother me.
I can tolerate a lot more pain than most people.
I am not at all afraid to die.
♦◊♦
Like most people, I’ve had thoughts of suicide at numerous times in my life, but the one time I felt at high risk of actually killing myself was when all three sectors overlapped. I was lucky that my wife was smart enough to remove the guy from the house until I saw a therapist and got into treatment for my depression and my suicide risk subsided.
Some people believe that if a person is going to kill themselves, there’s nothing one can do. If you try to stop them, they’ll just bide their time and do it later. However, we now know that suicidal intention is transient. If we can get support to get through those times when we feel disconnected, a burden to others, and having the means and mind-set to actually kill ourselves, we can begin to develop the social supports to turn things around.
I suspect the difference between James Joiner’s dad and my dad wasn’t their level of “thwarted belongingness” or “perceived burdensomeness” but my father’s lower capacity for suicide. Disrupt one of the risk circles and we buy ourselves more time to heal. Making a connection can be as simple as a smile. I read the report of a man who left a note as he walked across the Golden Gate Bridge. It said, “If one person smiles at me, I won’t kill myself.” The note was found after he had plunged to his death. We can all reach out, in our own way, and touch someone who may feel disconnected, disrespected, and useless.
We can also let in the love when we are feeling down. I remind myself, and my clients, to take heed of the lines from the Eagles song Desperado. “You better let somebody love you, you better let somebody love you, you better let somebody love you…before it’s too late.”
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If you’re dealing with feelings of hopelessness or thoughts of suicide, help is available. 800-273-TALK (8255) is on-call 24/7 if you need to talk, or reach out to a friend or health professional in your life.
photo: jamesackerley / flickr
Life sucks for men because they are treated like shit
You have to be a special kind of stupid to know that 4x times as many men kill themselves, only men get drafted to combat, almost all men are workplace deaths, women under 30 make more money than men under 30, women can get divorced having never worked a day and get half of a man’s assets, force a man to pay child support while not having his consent to abort a fetus and still think men have more privilege than women.
Male, 42 years old, over three years spent in/around Baghdad area of operations. Had many friends take themselves out, and myself struggle daily. Ive been the ear to listen for many. Some stayed alive, some still left. This whole “we care about you” thing is shit. Made a mistake of “opening up”, and spent four days in a tissue paper mumu, no shoe laces, and spoken to in the most infantile, patronizing, disrespectful tones by “medical professionals. Treatment is useless, and it’s cheaper for the bottom line to just let us thin the heard.
Men die from suicide because they don’t get to have sex. Even younger healthy clean cut and polite males have no opportunity for sex ever, no matter what they do or how hard they try. It makes you feel completely worthless, because guess what? You are. Women get any help they ask for from others and never have to be lonely and alone. If men can’t do it themselves, the world is just going to let you die and will never lend a hand.
I dont’ want to fill in forms, I just want to talk, but… I’ve done it to let you know that if someone wants to end it all, they
i’ve struggled with suicidal ideation on and off for the past nearly 40 years
i think i’m finally going to give in to it. just no reason not to.
just look, here i am, in my 50s, typing to absolutely no one, thinking in fact that this post won’t ever be seen by anyone except one of those assholes who reads it, scoffs, and hits “reject” or whatever a moderator sees.
i won’t be checking back either way
i just don’t care anymore
Don’t give in. This life is infinity brief compared to the span of eternity. God has a purpose and plan for your life. Jesus died on our behalf to pay the penalty of sin that separated us from God from the time of Adam’s fall. Use your abilities and use them to serve alongside others. Find your purpose by giving yourself away. Don’t give up.
I respect the point of view but I still don’t feel this is conclusive enough. I have had multiple suicide attempts throughout my life and again having these thoughts. I’m 27 missing all my top teeth and most of my bottom. I have a compulsive hair pulling that I just can’t stop. I have multiple mental disorders and recovering addict. When I had my past attempts (14-16-20-and 23 or 24) I was afraid to die but I felt if I couldn’t I was weak. All men are supposed to be strong, says the whole world. I could have died any… Read more »
I’ve shared my personal story too many times to think it matters. So, instead, I’d like to comment on what a lifetime navigating suicidology has taught me. It’s discouraging that suicide, at least in the US, is treated almost universally as the result of some personal disease that, if the patient would only comply with the experts’ sage counsel, would be avoided. I believe that some suicides may result from impulsive or irrational thinking. But I don’t believe these are the most prevalent. Hundreds of academic, NGO, and governmental studies link suicide to social circumstances. There is a strong internationally… Read more »
it’s almost as if people are not supposed to live this way, stressed out, too busy, have no time to connect. well, most of us anyways. i believe there’s something much more systematic to this topic, like the whole environment is producing this result. Somehow we have to change that. No, i don’t have any answers. I wish i did.
The environment IS to blame. I’m a translady, and my research into my long suffering has revealed that the plastic pollution that plagues us all has in record time created prenatal endocrine disruption in the form of transgenderism, a condition marked by the brain and body being “coded” for different hormones. In my case, my mind requires estrogen, and I naturally identify as a lady. However, the bits betwixt the legs suggest otherwise. Therefore, the gonads are(were in my case, got rid of them) poisoning the brain, which recognizes the unknown hormone as foreign, and is constantly instigating an autoimmune… Read more »
Your first two reasons indicate that you are still stuck in the societal paradigms that (1) relationships matter, and (2) you owe anything (including not being burdensome) to anyone.
The most “enlightened” reason for suicide (beyond a practical escape from some sort of pain or existential anguish), is that there is no meaning to life and the universe.
A lot of people likely never get to the point of recognizing and accepting this because they are either so consumed with daily minutia or stick their head in the sand with religion or an equivalent thereof.
Have BPD and your comment soothed me for some time. Thank you very much.
My father committed suicide and we were close. It may seem strange, but it was his choice that I respect and I do not dwell on what happened. Sorry I cannot relate with those who grieve intensely and/or for a long period.
I do not understand this at all. My husband, who was the love of my life and best friend, killed himself 4 months ago, and I have gone from “bereavement” to “depression” according to the doctor. They want me to go on anti-depressants now – great. I used to be a very upbeat, content person. Was there something, like a terminal illness, that was going on? Otherwise, if you do think it’s not such a big deal, is it because you have similar feelings and relate to his feelings? If yes, having those feelings doesn’t make suicide ok. I am… Read more »
Seek out a trusted friend you can confide in and be willing to open up to walk with you through what transpired that resulted in your husband taking away his life. Was it all his undoing, did he cry out for help, but no one listened? How can I learn and grow from this for God to help me rebuild my life back together? Our actions are like ripples affecting those around you, especially impacting those closest to you.
My grandfather killed himself and I understand it. He knew his mind was going to go and that is all we have. It was the last decision he made before he couldn’t make decisions. His wife lived for years, and I slowly watched her die without her mind. I wonder if that is all that is waiting for me if going sooner rather than later is better.
I am sorry for you loss. I have lived a life of misery and absolute suffering for a decade now. Its not getting better, but im still here. A good day is a day with less than normal suffering
I could imagine a man
Committing suicide as a form of damage control.
I think the article has some good points but is extremely oversimplified. People, in my opinion, want to commit suicide when they feel there is no solution to a major problem or problems in their life. What those problem(s) may be can vary wildly from person to person. It is, in some cases, logical and reasonable, to commit suicide. I admit that most people who are thinking about committing suicide probably have ways they can help themselves, but that’s not true for everyone. There is definitely a segment of the population that needs help and will never get it. These… Read more »
For example when a set of events lead to a more ddle aged man, completely losing himself when he wakes up to the cornerstone of his mentality is a terrible lie…. He fights and struggles for a few years and when he realizes the pain his state of is causing then news around him l, he still can’t find a way to get better.,.
To everyone reading this article (commenting and not commenting), Please please PLEASE do not commit suicide! My beloved husband committed suicide 3 weeks ago, and my son and I are in a living HELL! People used to say that suicide is the most selfish act, and I never understood that, but I do now. I miss him. I want him back! You may say that with a wife and family he shouldn’t have, but his unmarried friend did the same thing 4 years ago, and I wonder if it planted the seed in his head. It affects everyone!! PLEASE reach… Read more »
Shelly–the pain and confusion you’re going through sounds awful. I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, many men compartmentalize their emotional space: family, work, friends–often a separate room for each and spending lives going in and out of the various doors. It usually serves as a survival and defense mechanism–until it doesn’t. Sometimes it feels, that for whatever reason, that one of the doors is locked. That’s what brought me here today. One of my doors is locked, the one called finances. And it has made me feel like a colossal failure. Industry awards don’t help, ‘good job! doesn’t help. Knowing… Read more »
Please know you are SO Much More than your job – all of you are!! My dear husband got a ‘promotion’ six months before his suicide, with no raise but with a lot more work and stress and a new, horrible boss. I told him to quit his job if he wanted to, and we could downsize, but I knew he wouldn’t because he defined himself by his job. I would do Anything to get him back. I miss him so much!! I feel like I’m losing my mind and my son is depressed. We don’t know what to do!… Read more »
Society tells us a man is worth nothing. If he is willing to pay for it plus markup, he can have it.
I have social anxiety. My wife doesn’t understand. I go to bed sometimes wishing I would not wake up. I get put down for being that way. I like to stay home. Work was terrible being crammed in a cube with people all over me. I have quit jobs because of it. Been married 31 years. My son a few years ago I found out was on drugs. I’m 56 and just tired. Like today I went outdside to work in the yard and I feed my wifes horses. I didn’t put them in the field so I could work… Read more »
I’m so sorry for your loss😞. My brother died in 2009 and it doesn’t get easier
I hope to God it does get better, because this feels like we’re being held over a fire. It’s pure pain!
I have type 2 diabetes, My wife has been telling me that I am the worst excuse for a Husband, a Father and a Human for Years now. I’ve told her what it’s doing to me and that if she would only support her marriage vows I would be able to find the strength to stop my self destruction. All I’ve ever ask her for was physical affection at times and to stop trashing me to everyone she knows. She says she will stop doing those things when I deserve it. I do not understand how she thinks that I… Read more »
Kerry, It definitely sounds like you are being abused. I would tell a therapist about all of this, and they can help you change your life for the better. Her words and behavior that you are describing are horrible. Don’t buy into it and further abuse yourself! I think you need to get away from her, and perhaps take your child(ren) with you, but you need guidance from professionals. I’d start with a therapist. You say “If she ever showed me that she actually loved me I could fix it if it’s not to late already.” If she is saying… Read more »
I would let a woman abuse me every day just to not be alone. If he leaves her, he will have to be single and lonely until death.
Suicide is not an easy way out! What about where you will go?
I’m soo sorry for your loss. It’s a different kind of loss. My Grandpa and both his brothers kills himself. I grew up with them all in our same town.
It’s horrible. It’s selfishness. And a different grief. Hugs.
Sorry for your loss. I understand that you are confused and hurt, but one thing irritates me. You say suicide is the most selfish act and you are only talking about yourself, your loss, that you miss him. You don’t talk about him amd what it must have been for him. Where is your empathy? What kind of relation did the two of you have? Obviously you didnt know him, obviously he was there for you. And you? Let it be. It was his life and his decision. Is it not selfish to ask a suicidal person to not kill… Read more »
I just finished writing my note.
Your words have changed my mind.
You’re going to heaven.
Men get zero help from real people. All these official programs don’t work, we need real people to help us. I have reached out to everyone I know and many people I don’t know. All i get is piss poor suggestions that only work for people with a strong network. I am a single dad of 2 kids and live in worthless misery every day of my life and I have done everything in my power to improve my life but i have reached the end of my ability. I will stay here for my kids, but I feel bad… Read more »
If only they could fix my medical problems and ease my suffering I wouldn’t be considering it. Since a skateboard accident over a year ago today (I cracked part of my chest, ripped cartilage between multiple ribs, fucked up my spine, and neck, and now my shoulder is hypermobile as well), I struggle to breath, am in intense pain in multiple areas of my body, need people to help me do basic tasks, and have no hope of a future anymore. I’ve been to 20+ specialists this past year. Not one has helped in any way. All my money is… Read more »
i need help and dont know how to ask or am just shame to put myself out there everyday i try to be strong and go on the next day but it seems i work for two days then i am right back and it I work two job and go to college and i could honestly use a brake but i know if i do then my whole life falls apart and I will in the street homeless thinking about it i feel alone with my thought that never stop and the people i surround my self is no… Read more »
I’m worried then. A lot of those warning signs ring true. I was classed as highly intelligent (mensa tests at 11yrs 140+ iq etc etc) but am underqualified and squandered my youth taking drugs. I’ve been unemployed for a long time with crippling anxiety, but on a good day you would never know it. I have a passion for computer science and am proficient in 3D modelling and game design. I’m building a portfolio but this has become a highly competitive market. People tell me I’m getting quite good after 3 years of self study. I should have started a… Read more »
Take care buddy I am 25 years old and looking for ways to kill myself without giving my family the trouble maybe after they find their happiness, I feel hopeless many times and sad part about it is that I can’t share it to anyone else due to my f pride. Ranting with a Tor browser just to keep myself anonymous somewhat. I want my family to be happy then after that I can finally kill myself.
To everyone reading this article (commenting and not commenting), Please please PLEASE do not commit suicide! My beloved husband committed suicide 3 weeks ago, and my son and I are in a living HELL! People used to say that suicide is the most selfish act, and I never understood that, but I do now. I miss him. I want him back! You may say that with a wife and family he shouldn’t have, but his unmarried friend did the same thing 4 years ago, and I wonder if it planted the seed in his head. It affects everyone!! PLEASE reach… Read more »
Peace and love to you! I’m glad you are here.
what i wouldnt give to brew beer! thats my one day, to have a brewery and make spirits, beer and wine. thats a fantastic skill. if people expect you to listen to their problems, ( ok maybe im only talking about me) then they might just be accepting of yours too. you probably have such an inventive mind…. sometimes reaching out to anonymous strangers helps too.
I am a married man. I lost my father a couple few years ago in a freak accident. Just recently i realized that my depression caused by the loss of my father has ruined my marriage of 4 years. i started trying to work through that and revisit those feelings and change back to the optimistic fun loving guy i used to be, my wife drops a bomb on me saying she doesnt want to be with me. And yesterday she tells me she is in love with someone else. I am nearing my final breaking point and dont know… Read more »
She was never your best friend and the wedding vows that she took, mean nothing to her. She will cheat on the next guy too, so do yourself a favor and
seek therapy immediately.
If you don’t know about the Crisis Text Line (CrisisTextLine.org) there is help waiting 24/7 simply by texting. You can learn about how it came to be by the founder, Nancy Lublin, here, https://www.ted.com/talks/nancy_lublin_texting_that_saves_lives
Why on earth would anyone downvote this??!
It’s a link to a Ted talk not anything showing an app to text to save a life.
those hotlines are total bullshit
So many heart-felt comments of grief, despair, and hope. It reminds of the value of sharing our pain with others. When my father faced the possibility of ending his life when I was five he felt burdened and thought people would be better off without him. There have been times in my own life where the emotional pain in my life was overpowering and I just wanted relief. Often, it was a small thing that saved me–a smile, a kind word, a recognition that I’m worth something, and I’m not alone. I hope and pray that all those who read… Read more »
thank you Jed. I needed to read,see,hear something, and just acknowledge my emotional pain. Just to admit to myself it was overwhelming me, it allowed for it to wash thru a bit. I’m not dead today, not by my hand or grief. I will go and do my best…one more day at a time until I liberate my spirit from this ailment.
I am utterly superfluous. I have no relationship and have no children. I am 36 close to 37 and I am just utterly pointless. I have no career worth speaking of- I have a medium job at a government office in the UK. If I died they might appoint someone like a woman to replace me which would help end some of the sexism in the world. I have no point and if I died no one would really miss me- my friends are married and in families, my parent’s generation is dying, I can spend entire weeks without seeing… Read more »
I’m so sorry for that comment. I am so sorry.
well you need to let it out, dont let it build up ..talk out as much as u can, even if its just writing to yourself,,get that stuff out. one day, suicide will be removed from your ideas and options, and you will live without torment.
i hear you my friend from across the pond. i urge you to go share a simple smile, and eye contact with a homeless person..you will see you have so much love and support to offer. i love ya buddy, hold yer head up mate!
Henry…I pray that you are ok. You are not a burden. At all. People like you make me realize there are others who feel the same way. Rejected and hopeless. But you are not alone. At all. I pray you get help.
Henry, you have an opportunity to turn your life around by volunteering your spare time to assist others in need. When you help others through volunteering, you open yourself to new friendships, allies and a new perspective on life itself. I have found from personal experience that the more I gave to others, the more I received in avenues that I never knew existed. Don’t be afraid to put yourself in a different environment from time to time and trust your God given instincts to choose the path that awaits you.
Best of luck,
Dave
As I literally struggle with being 80 and with a debilitating damage from a cerebral stroke which destroyed my GREAT male life, I now have to “fake it” socially constantly. My recall ability is shot. Really shot. Worse, my time sense – never great – means I recall things from 60 years ago as recent live events. It has been a pretty debilitating last 20 years as I struggle to keep up with my brilliant 75 y.o. mate, who still looks a very good 50 and until ME, had a great life, too. My point is that I am often… Read more »
Hey Adam. Your story spoke to me for some reason. Sorry to jump in. Would you like to share more about your life pre-stroke? You say you were a Gourmet? I was a sous chef in quite a good restaurant for a while and did love it, but very hard work! Late nights and hot Kitchens. I’m deeply worried that my lifestyle and choices over the years will result in a similar fate. I’m only in my 40’s but feel much older, even if I’m apparently fortunate enough to still look much younger. A blessing and a curse! I hope… Read more »
I really just don’t see the point. Work, pay bills, rinse wash repeat! Save up a little money just so something can break and I have to start all over again. The world is a toilet of corruption and stupidity! I don’t feel sorry for myself, I feel badly for my 7 year old daughter, but I’m sick and tired of the corrupt tyranny of family courts taking all my money away for so called child support, all they’ve done is supported my alcoholic ex with a steady supply of booze and cigarettes! I just don’t feel like wasting any… Read more »
you have many valid points.. but the only difference is that everything you do is not in vain. There is a scripture that says that what we reap, we will sow. Fortunately for you, everything you do now that is good and with good intentions will in the end have great benefits. You will see it with your own eyes and my word to you is not to give up. Your life has purpose and a destiny and Your daughter is 7 now but will one day she be your age.. and I wouldn’t want to miss all those years… Read more »
I’m waiting for my lease to be up. Trying to make it smooth and un-noticeable as possible. I know where, when and how. Set up bank accounts to be transferred, letters written -instructions, etc.
35 yo weirdo.
Its not time for that. i know you want peace, but you are needed. there is a whole list of people waiting to meet you..for laughter, and New dreams to be born, cause they need it as much, maybe even more. not today my friend.
goodbye
what about hello? Andy, can you see that even i feel sad that we never met, before you even said good bye…I’m hoping you said goodbye to suicide,and hello to the possibilities you never thought could happen..give you a chance.
I’ve seriously considered suicide ever since my father took his life three years ago. A thought that had never crossed my mind till he had done it. I’m torn somewhere in between. My father suicide sent me into a downward spiral that has left me hopeless. I have two children and a wife that loves me. I understand that feeling of letting them down. Thinking they would be better off without me. I also never felt that way till my father did what he did. I can’t imangine doing that to my two boys and putting them in the situation… Read more »
I guess my point was, I understand how hard and painful life can be. But think about the consequences of your actions and even then I understand how hard it is.
There is a saying I heard which makes so much sense – suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And I have always heard it is a selfish act, to cause your loves ones so much pain. If you can, talk to someone and get help, you are not alone! 🙂
Many familial and social problems are permanent, and I believe it is these same problems that are the most important. Did you read the article?
Wow.
You should feel blessed to have a wife and a family. You should feel blessed knowing you’re loved. Seems like you’ve got so much to live for. I’m 42. Never been married. No kids. Never had a girlfriend in my life. Never been kissed. I’m a decent looking guy with a good sense of humor, but I have no confidence in myself. I’m a wimp. I suck at being a man although I try very hard to be one. I have a hard time understanding why a man who has a wife and kids feels like he has nothing. You’ve… Read more »
Being a male with a strong sex drive is like hell on earth. The most deeply rooted instinctual feeling we have in this life is completely denied from us no matter what we do. I am fit, attractive, neat, clean cut, college degree, home owner and there is not a single lady on this earth that will date me for who the hell knows why? No one can tell me.
I’m going to kill myself today, I just had to tell someone
Don’t tim.
Take a moment to plan a trip away, some time from everything that is making you feel like this. I’m sitting in a bar right now, watching people walking by. Smiles, laughs might seem hard to come bye, yet there is a while world out there. Before making a big decision. Head out, travel. What is there to lose if things are so bad where you are? It’s worth a go at least. Life is shit at times, but in my experience people might surprise you if you take the plunge. Everyone hear know how you feel. Give it one… Read more »
Don’t tell the people you love what where your at give them a chance to help. I wish my dad had.
My gosh, I meant to say tell the people you love. Give them a chance to throw you a life line.
Tim Coxon , are you still with us
Please tell me you still alive, bro, what does that say for me?
I have been thinking if suicide since the age of 17 and it’s come to my mind every other day but I thought it was wrong but now I’m 30 and I still feel the same and after surviving so many years hoping thing will get better nothing have changed. Now I regret why I’ve done this before and it getting worsen. And my family don’t have any clue about it they r searching girl for my marriage.
I my sister and my daughters have all had more than one friend commit suicide over the years. We will never understand their sadness their hopelessness. Our lives have never been perfect. Cheating partners suckey jobs financial problems. But we live for the few shining moments that come along once in a while. I change jobs and keep looking for more goals to reach. Change where you live try new things really search your soul to figure out what you need to be happy. or fulfilled. I really wish all of you here hope. There are people in the world… Read more »
I almost did the other night. I’m now speaking with a therapist again. It helps sometimes.
I have had depression since I was young. Not the same suicidal every day as you mention, but pretty serious stuff.
I hope you make the right decision for yourself. And I hope if it is to continue to live, that you find relief in the form of medication, talk therapy, or some other way that takes the pain away.
<3
I think there are social factors that heavily contribute to suicides among men. I have also noticed that a lot of psychiatrists/psychologists rely heavily on anti-depressants to the point that they just give someone an anti-depressant and expect it to work. Sometimes people who are depressed over a temporary event are given anti-depressants even if it will take a month or longer for the anti-depressant to work. One social factor is that many men cannot find a woman and commit suicide because they don’t want to be alone for the rest of their lives. For example, men who are shorter… Read more »