There’s a double-bind in seeing the glass as half-empty or as half-full. JD McGuigan explains.
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I have recently been made aware of a troubling pattern in my life. It is the idea that life,no matter how well it seems to be going, will always feel like a struggle. When one problem is solved, another one arrives.
Even when there is a lapse in between struggles, i.e. when you’ve finally gotten a few breaks, it often just feels like the eye of the storm—that it’s only a matter of time before life comes full circle again. For this reason, even triumph after accomplishing a goal feels fleeting.
When seeking to become the best man you can be, always be weary of what I call the “equilibrium paradox.” Equilibrium is the concept of balance in the physical, mental, or spiritual state of being. Let us focus on the latter two, which overlap in many ways.
A friend recently gave me some harsh perspective one night when I was feeling down (after getting flaked on by a girl), explaining that I had my health, money, freedom, and good ideas in my head. Yet, for some reason my spirit was sluggish. My problems were so minor it appeared I was looking for a reason to feel down.
However, pride is not always so subtle. When we are working jobs we hate, are constantly fighting with a partner who bring more stress to our lives than relief, or feel we have no time on our hands even when our lives are perfect on paper (big house,perfect family, athletic children), we are experiencing a total lack of equilibrium. We struggle with a lack of energy, impatience, and frustration. We are typically cognizant of what is happening, because as humans we have a tendency to envision our “perfect life” and consistently compare it to our reality. When things are off, we almost always intuitively recognize it. However, whether we take the right course of action is another.
There is also such a thing as excess equilibrium. That was what I was experiencing whenI felt depressed over something as trivial as a cancelled date. In a similar way, an individual who has achieved a game-changing personal goal, eliminated a major source of stress, or left a soul-sucking job (thereby regaining 40 hours of his own time) may experience a sense of confusion or bewilderment as these staunch changes take place all at once.
For example, when we have both extra money and the spare time we’ve always yearned for, we often have no idea how to be productive with it. This is your typical multi-millionaire athlete bankrupt ten years after retirement. We always talk about what we’ll do when x, y, & z occur, but sometimes we are caught unprepared when our anticipated moment of realization comes sooner than expected.
Stagnancy, particularly in the case of men, erodes at our sense of masculine pride. Thus,long term stagnancy and true confidence cannot co-exist. We can never become our best selves if we relax within the confines our comfort zone for too long. Also, understand that the moment we leave our comfort zone a part of our brain will quickly seek equilibrium again, even in the most mildly unfamiliar situations. This is just human nature.
Clearly, none of this is to say we can never relax. I go for a professional massage every month and go on vacation more than anyone else I know, to the point most people think I’m just lazy. In moments of true solitude, it is then we should ground ourselves, assess our progress, and get in touch with equilibrium while we rest.
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