He nearly lost it all chasing his dream alone and trying to pull his family after him. Only after inviting them to be part of the vision was he able to make his dreams come true.
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Most men have dreams. As men we think we have what it takes to persevere and make those dreams a reality. We don’t need help from anyone; we don’t need to communicate with anyone.
We think our significant others shouldn’t worry because “we got this.” That attitude and chasing your dream without your family will lead your dream to crash and burn.
Worse, it can lead to the destruction of your family.
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I was 170 pounds overweight. To make matters worse I had completely mismanaged the money from the business. We found ourselves in huge debt.
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The twelve years leading up to 2011 were rough years. I was stuck in a business I absolutely hated. It had really become more of a job.
The “job” lead to some very unhealthy habits like eating at odd hours. I was 170 pounds overweight. To make matters worse I had completely mismanaged the money from the business. We found ourselves in huge debt.
Normally when you have money problems you have relationship problems, and we had plenty of those. That year my wife and I separated. She got tired of my excuses and laziness. She wanted a way out.
During this “worst time of my life” is when I decided to chase my dream. It’s safe to say I didn’t think things through. It didn’t take long for my family to completely hate my dream. (Spoiler alert – they love it now. Those aren’t vacation pictures you’re seeing here!)
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There are lots of reasons for your family to hate your dream. And all of them will make it hard, if not impossible, for you to pursue them.
Let’s look at the five primary reasons, and what you can do to get your family on board, which will ultimately help make your dream a reality.
1. You don’t fully communicate your vision
If they can’t understand they can’t fully support you.
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As a man, it’s hard to open up. We tend to want to keep things to ourselves. I know, because I’ve been there too many times. When you don’t fully communicate your dream, but more importantly why t matters to you, your family can never truly understand.
If they can’t understand they can’t fully support you. Even though it may go against your natural tendency you have to find a way to open up. Help them see why you’re doing this, and how it will benefit your family.
Be honest and venerable. Talk to them and do it often. Have mini-mastermind meetings with your family every night updating them on your progress. Have them open up and communicate with you as well.
2. You don’t have a LARGE emergency fund
Unexpected situations happen all the time in life and most require money! Too often, as men, we think we’re “good.” We have the attitude that we can figure it out when it happens. Is it any wonder our families hate our dreams?
In life we should expect the best, but plan for the worst. Especially when we’re chasing a dream. Experts will tell you to have at least nine months of expenses saved up in your emergency fund.
I’m going to suggest you have a year’s worth. Make that emergency fund so large that your significant other won’t have any fears if things don’t go as planned. The side benefit is that when business isn’t going well you’re covered.
Realize that it takes time to build this fund, but if you start today you’re one day closer. Put aside a little money every time you make money. Call this your “dream fund” and determine never to tap into it.
3. You don’t have a plan
Don’t be the guy who wings it. Lay your plan out clearly and answer every question your family has about that plan.
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Who needs a plan? If you just thought that, the answer is YOU do! Dreams are huge, they’re life changing, and if you’re going to make them a reality you need a plan.
If you’re headed somewhere you have to see the path. Your plan is the path you’ll take to make your dream come true. Making a huge life changing decision takes a lot of thought and a good plan.
Don’t be the guy who wings it. Lay your plan out clearly and answer every question your family has about that plan. Make them a part of the planning process and they’ll feel invested. And if you involve them they actually are!
4. You’re not patient
Dreams take time, and most of the time they take more time than we think they should. They’re called “dreams” for a reason, and if it were easy there would be happier men.
When you’re impatient you get frustrated and that seeps into other areas of your life. It won’t be long before your misplaced anger gets taken out on your family. A few incidents like this might be part of the reason why your family hates your dream.
Life is short, and no man wants to die with regret, but we have to have the proper perspective. We have to realize this is a marathon, and it will probably take longer than we want.
Give yourself a little grace. The most important thing to understand is that you’re taking action. You’re not settling in life and even though it’s taking a while you’ll get there if you keep moving forward.
5. You’re not committed
Dreams become reality for those who decide that, no matter what, they’re going to see them through.
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The secret sauce to making any dream a reality is perseverance. Dreams become reality for those who decide that, no matter what, they’re going to see them through. Your family is tired of you starting and quitting.
Show your family that no matter what comes up you’re going to make this happen. Let them feed off of your determination. When they do they’ll be your biggest cheerleaders and a shoulder to cry on when things don’t go well.
You can do this. No matter how big your dream is you can make it your reality. If you take action, involve your family and persevere, it’s only a matter of time before your dream life is your life.
I tried chasing my dream on my own for years. When I got over myself and involved my family I started to make serious progress. Today my life is a miracle.
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My wife and I reconciled and we got out of debt together. I lost 165 pounds and I finally left that job/business I hated. We left Milwaukee, Wisconsin, which didn’t feel like home to us, and moved to Maui, Hawaii.
I’m just a regular guy. I didn’t leave a big six-figure job to do this. I chased my dream while living paycheck to paycheck and made it my reality. I wouldn’t be writing this today if it weren’t for the help of my family. My story can be your story.
Your family can be your biggest asset in chasing your dream if you let them. Don’t force them to hate your dream. Get their help and your dream will be your reality sooner than you think.
What is your dream? How are you going to involve your family in it?
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
Love your story, Kimanzi! My dream is to lead a group of ONE MILLION people who are committed to taking personal responsibility over improving their relationships, setting healthy priorities, and putting their families ahead of false indicators of success. How am I involving my family? Two ways. Second, I started a podcast with my 5-year-old son with my 2-year-old daughter as a frequent special guest and cohost. It’s in the top 5 things I’ve done in my life. So rewarding. Second, I have committed that I will work on the projects outside of family-time hours. So I’m working on it… Read more »
SWEET! I’m very excited to hear that interview! You’re crushing chasing your dream with your family Nick and that’s why you’re wildly successful 🙂 I like everything you do as well!
Kimanzi, your message of struggle and overcoming is humbling and inspiring. I appreciate how down to Earth you are and yet how much discernment and power you speak with. I appreciate the grit that comes through, accompanied by a hope that is palpable and feels attainable. Thank you for your commitment to helping others get there. You’re someone I can look up to and be truly happy for. God bless you, brother!
Thanks so much Jason! My goal is to help as many people and show them their dream are possible! I appreciated your kind words and friendship 🙂
Kimanzi, You continue to inspire men to get out of their shell and go for their dream! What a wonderful coach and mentor you are to folks who will install your methods into their life. Your story should inspire many men to walk out onto the thin ice and go for their dreams. Life is way too short to wait until the best timing is right. I look forward to more help in my marriage coaching business! Thanks my friend. I recommend Kimanzi to you as a regular guy who went for it and is making it big time. Jerry… Read more »
Thanks Jerry! I’m excited to see how many men you help be better husbands 🙂
This has been the toughest part of chasing my dream. The key word in that previous sentence is “my” dream. The communication is vitally important. The Bible says “where their is no vision, the people perish.” For me, I have found I not only need a vision, but I need to communicate it to my wife. In doing so, I keep my most important relationship from suffering. When I do reach my dream, it will be hollow if I lose my family along the way. Great article and I appreciate the wisdom.
Thanks Jimmy and thanks for your honesty! That communication is key and I’m glad you’re doing it.
Kimanzi –
People need that dream brother! Keep living richly and keep inviting them in. Blessings and Mahalo!
Thanks Matt 🙂 You as well!
Kimanzi,
I always prefer a “How I…” article over a “How to…” article. You’re an inspiration. Thanks for walking the walk.
Thanks John. It’s taken years but words can’t express how happy I am to be here 🙂