Too few men know about the key to permanently overcome their sexual performance issues.
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Author’s Note: Please forgive the heteronormative language (he/she) that I’ve used for the sake of succinctness. Know that the concepts within are 100% applicable to ANY man who’s ready to up-level his experience of sex and relationship.
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Your sexual performance issues have nothing to do with your sexual performance.
I’m talking about the shame you feel when you ejaculate too soon, and the tension it might be causing in your relationship.
I’m talking about the time you spend worrying if you’re going to come at all, what she’s going to think, trying to figure out if you’re pleasing her.
I’m talking about the times that your body is right there with your partner, but you’re so in your head that you’re not actually having a deeply connected sexual experience (Hint: If you’re not, neither is she).
Your sexual performance issues have nothing to do with your sexual performance:
- Did you grow up with poor (or no) models for what a healthy sexlife and relationship ought to look like?
- Has your experience of true intimacy with real people been negatively impacted by porn use?
- Have you ever had (or do you currently have) a sexual partner who’s told you to “Just get it over with,” whether through words or actions?
- As a man do you believe with every single cell of your body that your sex is good, beautiful, and deeply desired by the rest of the world? (Most men will answer no to this)
What’s happening in the bedroom is NOT the problem. It’s simply a symptom.
Contrary to popular knowledge, your penis is directly connected to your emotions. If you are feeling open and connected, your genitalia will respond in kind. However if the opposite is true, your body will feel closed off, shut down, numb. If you’ve experienced reasons in the past that caused your body to shut down, and you never fully healed from them, then guess what? They’re STILL stuck in your body and they’re STILL affecting your sex life and relationship.
If you haven’t healed from your past experiences your body is going to ‘revolt’, not trusting that it is safe to really be intimate, and it WILL refuse to go along for the ride!
Your body is infinitely wise, and when you’re able to open up and truly listen it has all the answers you need.
What’s a man to do then? There’s no pill, no patch, no quick fix guide to the root cause of your sexual challenges. Any man who thinks that these things will “fix” him is simply avoiding the deeper inner work that will truly get to the root of his challenges.
Here are 4 tips:
- Be REALLY Honest: Say whatever is coming to mind. Anything you hold shame, embarrassment, or self-judgement around should be voiced with your partner. When you filter or hold back, it creates disconnection. Your job is also, as much as possible, to also create a nonjudgmental space for her to have her feelings too. Oftentimes women will wonder what a man’s sexual performance issues means about them, i.e. “Am I not turning him on?” “Does he think I’m not good looking enough?” etc.
- Your Sexual Challenges are Clues: They’re arrows pointing you toward a more fulfilling sex life. Seeking support from an objective, experienced third party can be one of the quickest ways to getting out of your own head and in touch with a real long term solution.
- There Are No Quick Fixes: True, deep healing typically takes time. It also takes a commitment to be the best man you can truly be. That said, those that bring a high level of commitment can see dramatic shifts in fairly short periods of time – weeks or months. Occasionally even, it’s a simple adjustment that can provide a tremendous breakthrough in just a matter of minutes – with the right support.
- Get Support: Keeping quiet is keeping you stuck, or worse. The notion that men should figure things out on their own is false, weak, and damaging to your sex life and relationship. Reaching out for support is one of the strongest, most trustworthy moves you can make. I created a course called Advanced Sexual Stamina for Men for just this reason. To get the support that I wanted! In doing so I got the chance to offer that support to men all across the world as well.
Even if you have a physical condition that truly, actually inhibits your sexual function you can still have a mind blowing sex life! I recently released an interview (on Sex the Podcast) with a man who lost use of his sexual function when he became paralyzed at age 21.
Think you’ve got it bad? His man-parts don’t work. Period!
But based on the way he speaks about his sex life I’d bet my hard earned money that his experience of sex tops that of 99% of men. It didn’t happen by accident though, and it sure didn’t come from a quick fix. It came from his commitment to be the best man he could be, both in AND out of the bedroom.
You CAN have it all. Amazing sex. Mind blowing orgasms for you and your partner. A deeply connected experience of sex and relationship. Natural confidence in and out of the bedroom.
This article is simply the tip of the iceberg. There are vast amounts of resources available to you as a man. Want things to shift in your sex life and relationship? Reread the 4 tips above and ACT on them. It may be one of the best choices you ever made (and your woman will thank you too!).
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Bob Schwenkler is the creator of Advanced Sexual Stamina for Men. If you’re a man who knows that you’re capable of a more pleasurable, connected, and fulfilling sex life go to www.advancedsexualstamina.com.
Women: I’ve received inquiries from a number of women wondering how to bring up the potentially sensitive topic of sexual stamina with their man. If you’ve got the same question, I wrote an article for you. Click here to read it.
Mind blowing. Kudos! You are hailed! If only my husband would take, rather make, the decision to look at what you’re telling us.
Hi Bob, I’m a fully impotent prostate cancer survivor without a prostate –which means I can neither become erect nor ejaculate. Yet I can tell you in no uncertain terms that my sex life when things were working “normally” is a mere shadow of what it is now –and that includes for my partner as well. We spend an average of 2 – 4 hours every time we make love and are never tired or sleepy afterwards –in fact, we are absolutely energized. One of the quickest ways I’ve learned to eliminate performance anxiety from the bedroom is replace the… Read more »
Awesome Michael. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your thoughts. It’s really great to hear that you’ve had such a powerful transformation in your sex life!
Nice input, Michael Russer. Thank you