His Wife Knows How to Get Him to Do What She Wants: Sex. Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt Has An Idea Why…
Question: My wife uses sex to get me to do things and I think it’s bullshit. If she doesn’t get her way she tries to hold out, but the jokes on her because the sex isn’t that great anyways! But I still think it’s crap that she’s using sex against me. Do all women do this?
Answer: No.
Is that your final question? Or is there another question you have love? Do you want to know how to change this? How to have an epic romance? How at least to stop being used or manipulated? How to change things? Hope so… if so read on, if not, then suffice it to say not all women do this.
Yet women do this when it seems the only way to get through to you, when they have tried to ask you with words but it hasn’t worked… or when they don’t have healthy communication skills and have learned to survive in life through manipulation of their sexual power.
Men do it too… it’s not a gender thing… anyone who feels out of control could do this. We’ve all felt out of control at some point in our lives… and we’ve manipulated, lied, coerced, threatened, hid, been passive aggressive, ignored, blamed etc. in order to get our way, in order to feel safe, in order to feel valued or justified.
Love, you’re pretty pissed. You have every right to be, yet it seems she’s pissed too by her behavior. What are you both so pissed about? What’s going on UNDER this behavior? Where are each of you not feeling honored, not feeling heard, feeling unappreciated or taken for granted. Where are either of you scared to speak your truth and create a relationship that really honors you? Where have either of you given up hope and instead fallen into a rut of unkindness and games?
How about you ask her what she’s really mad about and just listen. How about you check in to see if she’s asked you tons of times but you put it off or ignored her. How about you check in to see if she’s ever been able to communicate clearly to you… and if not, be the bigger person and invite her into more honest, vulnerable, authentic communications so trust could be built and manipulation would no longer be necessary. And if it’s you who needs to listen or follow through more, be willing to step up and be a man of your word so the manipulation can dissolve. And if you require praise or appreciation when you do something, then ask for it letting her know how much it means to you to be acknowledged.
All of this takes courage, grounded presence, release of blame, willingness to take ownership of your own stuff… are you willing and ready to do this… or is it just more fun to blame her and stay in this drama? I hope you’re ready to shift this so that you could cultivate the capacity to truly have a hot healthy intimate partnership… an epic romance where you both grew, expanded and one day enjoy the most fulfilling erotic connected sex possible, that only gets better because of your new communication skills, respect and connection.
If that’s what you’re committed to, you very well may be a fit for me to invite you to work with me. You can apply at AllanaPratt.com/connect. Having a third party navigate the situation and be a demand for respectful conscious communications, while being non judgmental, acknowledging and tender… when relationships have gotten to this stage of animosity, can be a God Send. I’ve been able to facilitate humbling miracles with couples.
Yet if you’re not a 10 out of 10 ready to change this, and are still enjoying complaining more than asking What’s It Going To Take To Change This Now?… then there’s nothing I can do to support you… you have to be ready for the pain to end. You have to value your life enough to say ENOUGH, This Changes NOW. Another great place to begin to cultivate the capacity for these conversations is in my complementary report GetHerToSayYes.com.
Bottom line? More is possible. Yet you have to not just want it… wanting just creates more wanting… you have to choose it, show up, ask for help and create it.
Huge love and delicious blessings, Allana
Photo: www.BigStock.com
“Sex is something women control and men need to ask for” is a really shitty social paradigm. It also reinforces the “men as agents / women as objects” meme.
It’s a pretty giid response. Let me point out something though.
“And if it’s you who needs to listen or follow through more, be willing to step up and be a man of your word so the manipulation can dissolve.”
Maybe the issue is he doesn’t set boundaries and agrees to things he doesn’t want to do. maybe she nags him until he agrees. That’s a form of coercion as well. Anyway, just thought I’d bring it up.
“Do all women do this?” I dunno, do all men blame all women for something they’ve allowed to continue within their relationship? I see this type of question occasionally on men’s boards, dating boards, and I’m quick to ask why they allow it, why they have not acted like an adult, a man, and exacted the communication necessary. I’ve asked why they have not stood up for themselves and confronted, in a mature manner, her and her actions…which, in and of it self, could be the problem and resolution all in the same wrapper. She could just be a selfish… Read more »