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Author’s Note: While I write primarily for men, please feel free to switch up genders any way you please because, well…you know.
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Two guys are sitting at a bar.
Jim: “Man, my marriage sucks. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”
John: “What’s the matter?”
Jim: “She’s just not happy. So we’re not happy.”
John: “Are YOU happy?”
Jim: “How can I be happy if she’s not happy?!”
John: “How can your marriage NOT suck if YOU aren’t happy?”
Jim: “How do you expect me to be happy if SHE isn’t happy?”
John: “What if she’s unhappy because you’re unhappy?”
Jim: “Oh, so you’re saying I have to make myself happy first?”
John: “No, I just think you have to make yourself happy no matter what.”
Jim: (smiling) “You do know you’re pissing me off, right?”
John: “Hey, now you look happy!”
How do you predict, with amazing accuracy, if your relationship will be any happier next year?
Just ask yourself this simple question.
In the past year did I consciously and consistently accept 100% responsibility for my own happiness?
If you answered “no”, there’s a 99.99% chance that next year will be a duplicate of last year – maybe worse. Yeah, I made up that statistic but I’m pretty sure I’m close.
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Happy Wife, Happy Life? …ummm, no.
It’s more like happy you, happy life. And a “happy you” is the only one who stands a chance at building a happier relationship – with anyone.
Your wife has no control over your “mojo”. And if you’ve being allowing her to control it, it’s time to take the joystick back.
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I’m not talking about the giddy, dance-like-Snoopy kind of happy. I’m talking about the crystal clear sense of self-confidence, personal value and self-trust…kind of happy. These form the foundation of your happiness. This is your “mojo”. Your wife has no control over your “mojo”. And if you’ve being allowing her to control it, it’s time to take the joystick back.
Yes, I’m well aware of how an unhappy, disconnected, unaffectionate and/or snarky spouse can bombard your “mojo”. Feeling unwanted, undesired, and rejected is a colossal challenge to your sense of well-being. These feelings can cause you to react, lash back and lock horns into the downward spiral of yet another unhappy year of marriage. Same old pattern…same old results.
And that’s bullshit.
Exercise your free will to make a better choice. Be happy with yourself. Learn how to LIKE yourself and get clear on the incredible value you have within you. Trust yourself and your instinct. Trust your heart.
You know it and I know it.
If you ain’t happy with you, everything else is going to look like a shit sandwich.
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What Will Happen When You Decide to be Happy
This is what I hear the most from men when they finally choose to take their happiness into their own hands.
Damn, it feels so freaking liberating to not get caught in the small crap anymore. It feels incredible to not assume everything is a personal attack. I don’t need to feel offended or argue anymore. And the best part is that I trust myself to respond in a way I won’t regret – no matter what happens. When I let go of expecting an outcome with everything I say and do…I’m free! It’s like a York Peppermint Patty on steroids.
This is a man who can boldly create the type of marriage he wants.
- He no longer measures his well-being by what others think about him or how they respond to him.
- He knows his sense of personal worth is never compromised by some else’s disappointment or unhappiness.
- He doesn’t allow himself to get dragged into negativity and silly arguments.
- He trusts himself to speak his truth without apology or malice.
- He doesn’t say things like “I’m in trouble with the wife.”
- He is confident that the outcome of any decision he makes is the right outcome.
And if he’s not careful, he could come off as a real asshole.
But he doesn’t because he is finally living…thinking…speaking…and acting from a place of love and inner peace.
- He doesn’t compete for love – he gives love freely.
- He doesn’t complain about lack of connection – he gives his presence.
- He doesn’t timidly walk on egg shells because he no longer thinks someone is out to get him.
- And in knowing his true value, he makes invitations for a better life without fear of rejection.
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Yeah. But What If…?
Shhh…I know. You’re afraid to say it out loud.
Jim:“What if I choose to control my own happiness and my wife isn’t happier?
Jim:“What if I become more confident and trusting in myself and she doesn’t like it?”
Jim:“What if she hates I don’t react and can’t be manipulated like before and she leaves me?”
John:“Bad crap can happen whether a guy is living his life in fear or if he’s playing balls out from his heart. Which guy do you want to be when the crap shows up?”
Jim:(smiling) “You make a good point.”
John:“Hey, you look happy again!”
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Men in unhappy marriages are confused. They’ve forgotten what it means to go for what they want. I wrote this FREE E-Book for them. Download the “Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage” HERE.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Unsplash
Hello, steve,
Good Thinking about make wife happy.After marriage all attention goes to your wife.Someone tell me that “no life without wife”.
Hey fabalpha,
Make sure you make sure YOU know how to be happy with yourself before relying on your wife to “make” you happy.
Boom. ..We can close the book on that subject.
Nice dog, Steve….any chance we could get you to run for president? Yes?