The search for male role models can be dangerous when your father is a missing piece.
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Without a Father
Keino Mitchell
My greatest fear is being like my father.
My father left me growing up with so many questions but no one to answer them. He left me growing up curious about life. He left me unable to feel a father’s love.
Because of that, I don’t know if when I’m a father I’ll be able to show my child love—because I don’t know how or what a father-son love feels like.
My father left my mother to teach me things she shouldn’t have to teach a young man.
I had to do so much learning on my own. I didn’t have a father or a father figure there to tell me what is right and what is wrong, but in an odd way I am blessed to experience this loss.
Without a father to teach me right from wrong I went out into the world to figure out the answers for myself. And I do not regret that decision.
I grew up in a gang populated city.
Shore Line Crips was the gang that ran my city.
I didn’t know a lot about them but I knew enough. I knew they would have my back if I needed them or if I needed anything. So I wanted to be a part of them and I promised to do anything to win respect in my ‘hood. I wanted to be cool or whatever. Honestly, looking back I was making myself look ignorant but that’s not all my fault. I was growing up alone, and I wanted to know more about the gang—about feeling a part of something.
I found out real quick.
I went to jail for possession of a firearm, and just like that, everything went to hell. I was 17 when it all went down. Just that fast I lost everything that mattered. Football was taken away. My rights as a citizen vanished. I had to listen to uncaring adults telling me when to eat, when to shower, when to use the bathroom.
I spent a month in jail and I wanted out of this kind of life as fast as possible.
I made a promise to myself that if I have kids I will guide them. I will answer all questions so that they won’t have to go out and look for answers on their own without the protection and the love of a caring dad that they deserve and that every kid deserves.
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P.O.P.S. provides a resource for learning to deal with and to express deep emotional scars. As we look toward fathers’ day, take some time to reflect on the children whose are unable to come home.
THE FIRST POPS ANTHOLOGY is now available. If you’re interested in purchasing a copy, please contact [email protected]
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