The changes I have undergone as I have matured as a man and a person, contradict the person I used to be.
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When I was younger, I hated art. I simply couldn’t stand it. Some of my ignorance undoubtedly stemmed from the fact that my parents are artists and I was dragged to art shows as a teenager and resented every minute of the experience (this was, I’ve come to realize, an incredibly selfish and spoiled way to behave). But I also claimed I just didn’t “get” art. The entire concept of art as a medium went over my head and I didn’t see why it was such a big deal.
That was years ago. Today, I look forward to these same art shows and actively plan my time around them. Call it maturing. Call it not being so damn stubborn and selfish. Call it not being 15-years old anymore. Call it gaining an appreciation for talented people creating things I couldn’t possibly fathom.
Whatever you want to call it, these changes contradict the person I used to be.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, if I hadn’t contradicted myself and started appreciating art, I wouldn’t have grown as much as I’ve been able to in recent years.
As I continue to get older, I’m constantly amazed at what I find myself seeking out and experiencing. And many of these things contradict the person I used to be.
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As I continue to get older, I’m constantly amazed at what I find myself seeking out and experiencing. And many of these things contradict the person I used to be.
As I continue to get older, I’ve found that when we try to avoid contradicting ourselves it can be akin to avoiding growth and the possibility of changing for the better. Though we’re always proclaiming how right we are in every facet of our lives, there’s no possible way everything we did and said and believed in the past was correct.
With this in mind, I have no hesitation saying that many aspects of the person I was in the past were infantile and selfish, macho and inconsiderate and probably a hundred other unflattering and altogether detestable human qualities. Many qualities that I believe my mere existence today contradicts.
I don’t bring this up so I can jump atop my high horse and talk about how much I’ve changed. It’s simply an admission about who I was back then and how much I needed to work on becoming a better person. It’s a difficult thing to admit about the person you used to be, but in my case it’s the truth.
I also don’t bring this up to say that I am now an unequivocally better person. But at the very least I am conscious of how far I have to go and how much better I can become.
…if I change my mind and happen to contradict the person I used to be in the process of examining myself and staying open, I’ve found that it’s almost always a positive thing.
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And this realization is, of course, the easy part. Saying you can do better is 1,000 times easier than actually doing better. The place I find myself inhabiting today is one where I’m constantly looking to examine myself. I am open to the prospect of someone or something changing my mind. And if I change my mind and happen to contradict the person I used to be in the process of examining myself and staying open, I’ve found that it’s almost always a positive thing.
If I’m not contradicting myself at least some of the time, I’m probably not thinking very critically. If I’m not contradicting myself at least some of the time, I’m probably not taking a second look at the things I once believed. If I’m not contradicting myself at least some of the time, I’m probably accepting too many things at face value. If I’m not contradicting myself at least some of the time, I’m probably not taking enough time to really consider the other side. Because there’s always another side.
When you do contradict yourself or change your mind, some people will undoubtedly ridicule you for doing so. But those people would have found something else to ridicule you about anyway.
I’m going to change my mind again. I’m going to contradict myself again.
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So I’m going to work to stay open to changing my mind and contradicting myself. I’m going to keep thinking. I’m going to change my mind again. I’m going to contradict myself again. Because, at the end of the day, if we’re not thinking and not taking a critical eye to all aspects of the person we used to be, it’s not all that different from being dead.
This past weekend, I made plans with a few former colleagues to meet up at an art exhibit. And on Saturday, we got together with the express purpose of looking at art together.
If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would be making plans around an art exhibit, I would have laughed in their face.
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If someone had told me 10 years ago that I would be making plans around an art exhibit, I would have laughed in their face. Today, I’m laughing in the face of the person I was 10 years ago. And I’m going to keep working to contradict the person I used to be in the name of growth and progress. Ultimately, whatever difficulties may arise from contradicting myself or changing my mind is nothing compared to the person this process is helping me to become.
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