Your Tuesday Morning Pegging Roundup

What’s in the blog-o-world this week? A lot of press about straight guys and anal sex—or, more specifically, pegging, the Dan Savage–coined term referring to men getting boned by strap-on–wielding female partners.

It started with Usher. On March 14, TMZ claimed that a stolen sex tape of the singer and his ex-wife, Tameka Foster, features some offbeat antics:

TMZ was approached several days ago by someone claiming to have the sex tape. The person sent us a short video and two photos. We’ll keep this PG-13 and just say … the people in the video are both givers.

Sources close to Usher—without specifically admitting the existence of a sex tape—tell us they believe this video could have been among the things Usher had stolen out of his car back in December 2009. Usher reported more than $1,000,000 worth of jewelry and electronics taken—including two laptop computers.

“Sounds like mutual oral sex to us,” Jezebel commented on March 16, “but rumor-mongering blogs have decided that Usher and his [ex-]wife are into pegging.”

For the definitive guide to pegging, the Everything You Ever Wanted to Know, look no further. Dodai Stewart has covered all bases here: equipment (“a clean, harness-compatible dildo (preferably silicone), lubricant, and a good attitude”); etiquette (“a straightforward ‘How do you feel about getting pegged?’ would probably do the trick”); procedure (“take it SUPER SLOW”); essential viewing (Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men [NSFW]); and pegging’s various perks:

While not all men enjoy prostate stimulation, the ones that do receive tremendous pleasure from anal stimulation.

Case in point: “How I Learned to Get Pegged and Like It,” Max Levant’s sentimental account of his own “deflowering”:

I’ll never be the same again. … After it happened, I felt the same exciting relief I imagine a girl feels after losing her virginity on prom night. … I feel like I’m just getting to know the opposite sex in a way I never could before.

The experience was enough to make him see femininity in a whole different light. “I look at women like soldiers now,” he wrote, and was promptly reamed for it in the comments. “I’m sorry, but taking something in my cooch is not an act of bravery,” Fleshbot (NSFW) editor Lux Alptraum responded. “It’s an act of horniness.”

Levant’s tale hearkens back to Isaac Fitzgerald’s seminal 2008 AlterNet story, “Why I Agreed to Be a Bend-Over Boyfriend,” which details the author’s ascent from pained receiving-end newbie to swaggering reach-around connoisseur:

I reason that since I clear the table and do the dishes, getting fucked by a woman wearing a strap-on doesn’t rob me of my manhood either. For me it wasn’t a sexual orientation thing, or a power thing: It was just a sex thing.

But power surely weighs in for others. In Salon on the 23rd, Tracy Clark-Flory wrote of men who get off on the “psychological thrill” of pegging. (“The screaming orgasms are nice as well,” notes one subject.)

“There’s something macho about a straight man shrugging nonchalantly at the thought of a dildo in the rear,” Clark-Flory concludes. “Just as the gay community has long debated the politics of being a top or a bottom, the hetero world is slowly catching up—or, um, bringing up the rear.”

Clark-Flory’s Kinsey Institute source insisted there’s “no good national-level data on this topic,” and while a study found that 11 percent of men in their early 20s had received anal sex, the data didn’t account for sexual orientation or whether a sex toy, penis, finger, or tongue had done the deed.

Where are the stats? We need ’em. A little research may go a long way toward demystifying and destigmatizing a healthy, fun sex act on which sexual orientation has no bearing. The coverage we’ve seen so far has been nothing but supportive. But more exposure also means reducing the taboo around pegging, which for many is part of the appeal.

As far as I know—now I wonder who’s actually telling the truth—none of my straight male friends (including myself) has ever tried pegging. My co-editor told me he got into pegging in the late ’80s, but then revealed he was actually talking about this. A female college friend, however, once famously purchased a sparkly, floppy silicone dildo for the purpose of nailing her bisexual boyfriend, and when they broke up she kept the thing suctioned to her dresser as a memento.

When I considered the butt sex in question, I dismissed it as a gay thing, not a pleasure thing, as though the two were mutually exclusive. I acknowledged but never pondered over the fact that his anatomy was, of course, identical to my own, capable of receiving the same physical sensations. And now, five years later, speaking as someone who takes pride in being open-minded, “sexually liberated,” yada yada, I’m not intrigued, and I wonder if there’s still a no-homo instinct holding me back from a dazzling place I never knew.

Although, after reading this piece by Ryan O’Connell at Thought Catalog yesterday, I feel like I have some idea.

—Photo williamhartz

Premium Membership, The Good Men Project

About Cooper Fleishman

Cooper Fleishman is managing editor of HyperVocal.com. After graduating from Kenyon College in 2009, he moved to New York to follow his dream of book-publishing glory. Once here, he sold dog food on the street and copyedited celebrity-gossip tabloids, finally landing as senior editor of the Good Men Project, where he served for a year before sneaking into HyperVocal. Email: [email protected] Twitter: @_cooper.

Comments

  1. I have found (through personal research as well as asking questions on pegging related sites all over the internet) very few men who do not get a thrill from pegging or other types of anal stimulation. The prostate gland, when stimulated, is an amazing source of pleasure. The vast majority of men report orgasms 10 times as strong (setting distance records) as well as copious amounts of ejaculate. Just those two facts alone would get me to try it if I was a guy…who wouldn’t want more powerful orgasms? More ejaculate?

    The area of your body that you enjoy having stimulated has absolutely no bearing on the gender you prefer to do the stimulating. Come on, guys, let go of the whole homophobia thing and open yourself up to more pleasure!

  2. Samantha says:

    Bravo! for braving these waters! I know there is a huge stigma for guys around this. It’s just funny how a girl can receive cunnilingus from her (male) partner and every other manner of pleasure, and not think it lesbian even though lesbians use all these tools (and more) to communicate sexually.

    Why is it that even if the man is getting pegged by his FEMALE partner, it is still seen as “gay”? Women don’t get freaked out that they might be lesbian when they receive oral from their bf and like it. I get WHY it might be considered a little different, given we are “designed” to receive a penis in our vagina (it’s what its there for). However, I think you’re right that more people need to look at it as though it were merely a new sexual act. It’s a totally different thing to be IN LOVE with a guy, than it is to enjoy sex with one, or like one.

    It’s also interesting, and males take note, that lesbians use strap ons, which means they sometimes like a penis-like object in their vaginas, which is heterosexual act, but they are still…gasp…lesbians. Maybe then, homosexuality goes beyond merely liking anal sex….? I have actually heard that it’s a more pelasurable spot for males there anyway (there’s something about a male G-spot that gets triggered with anal play for men) so, they might actually really enjoy it more and have more intense orgasms?

    It also speaks to a lot of the fear and misunderstanding of/around homosexuality. But….that’s a whole OTHER article.

    I’d say, guys, if your gf asks to peg you, ask yourself why you’re resistant to the idea. If fear of homosexuality is the primary motivation to stay away from pegging, then, it’s not a very good reason, and you should move past the fear. But if you want to try it but not make it a permanent figure in your night-time routine, tell her: ‘OK, I’ll try it once, to see if I like it, but if I don’t then, I’m not going to do it again, OK?’ This will be a great way to test the level of respect and trust in the relationship, too.

  3. Anonymous says:

    At the Washington State Fair recently there was a group of senior citizens who were drumming up support for their cribbage club. (Cribbage is that very sedate card game that uses a board with tiny pegs in it.) The club looked to have no one under 60 in it, and I can only assume none of them read Dan Savage, because they were selling bumper stickers and T-shirts that said “I love pegging.” I didn’t buy one, but I should have. Maybe after I get an “I Love Santorum” hat.

  4. I didn’t jump in on Max Levant’s article– it took some guts to write, but also everyone else seemed to have it covered. Perpetrating the myth of “feminine strength” where that is just code for “martyrdom” & “being passive” doesn’t help anybody. If you want to get pegged, good for you, but don’t ascribe mystical traits to it. I know, I know, dude is a comedian, writing about his own sex life…so I cut him some slack. Still, a little weird.

  5. I think that a guy that confuses receiving anal stimulation from a female and homosexuality doesn’t know what homosexuality means.

    And OP, being open minded is something that a person genuinely is more so than it is a fashionable identity.

  6. Can we go back to calling this ass f****** or butt seks? I don’t want to retire the word ‘peg’ and its various forms. It’s a handy word and doesn’t deserve this fate. If you need new words for Dirty Word Scrabble, how about just making them up?

    Thanks.

  7. Henry Vandenburgh says:

    1. N of 1, so it’s not very relevant. I get absolutely no pleasure from this, and my butt stings for about a day. Had it done once by a woman whose husband had liked it.

    2. It’s unfortunate that male on female anal has become a staple of porn. A few women really like this (a few, usually Capricorns, I’ve noticed, if that means anything), but it’s more likely to be pushed by men. I’ve done it on request, and it doesn’t feel near as good to me as a vagina or mouth.

  8. It is interesting that so many relationship are not based on real honest and open feelings or desires. Many from both genders create a failure in the relationship since they don’t want to create acceptance, love based on real knoweldge of each other and even pleasure that is gained by the whole person that each see.

    It is very sad that to many people fail to take the time to really see the other perosn as a human being that needs love, needs to be accepted, needs to be kinky and even needs to be able to explore within a safe enviroment.

    So pegging, a man enjoying to wear her panties or a women wanting to wear his shirt or being slutty for each other is all part of the fun that can make love grow to a depth that most seek to have. To bad we live in a world of I want it now and you are accountable for my happiness and no, what do you mean you feel things, Man. Men are suppose to be John Wayne and just not be sensitive. I wonder can the genders accepting that each has screwed up love, the institution of marriage since we have forgotten that we need each other.

  9. edna morales says:

    My husband and I have been pegging now for about a year. He approached me and I initially was not too convinced of all the reasons he talked about. Eventually I gave in and we now do more pegging than heterosexual sex. He gets huge cums/ejaculations and I get my orgasm with the double dildo strapon. It is a vibrator so we both get f’ed. It is fantastic. And no he is not gay.

  10. I have to admit, I don’t get the butt sex thing. I am very, very sensitive to bad smells. The thought of coming into contact with even the tiniest amount of feces makes me feel sick. I can’t imagine being turned on in the slightest. And yes I tried anal sex once (a boyfriend really insisted we try it) and it was probably the worst sexual experience of my life. (VERY painful.) He loved it, of course , but I wouldn’t do it again and we broke up soon after that. So, anyway, if it turns people on then that’s cool if you want to do it, but I really hate how many guys now view it as standard and necessary.

    • Well, not to push anyone into doing anything they don’t want to do…but it’s really not meant to be painful. Gotta make sure there’s enough lubricant and that your relaxed…also the penetrator’s gotta be aware of whether they are being too rough. Which, again, not saying you should try it again. All I’m saying is that your experience sounds like it’s not the same as what the people who enjoy it have experienced, is all. (Well, unless they’re into pain).

  11. My favourite pegging quote/joke is by Margaret Cho when she was on Howard Stern. I guess Howard Stern and his other guests were talking about women being penetrated by strap-ons, and then Stern turned to Cho and said something like, “you’d know about this. You use strap-ons.” And then Cho replied with something like, “I’ve only ever used them on men.” Made the guys a bit uncomfortable (and Cho tells the story much better).

    Anyway…that doesn’t contribute to anything, but I like the story.

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