Let’s Talk About (Gay) Sex. Or Not.

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About JJ Vincent

JJ Vincent is a 39-year-old guy who lives in north Alabama...by choice. He is a graphic designer and multi-crafter who is equally fond of knitting and NASCAR and bakes wicked good chocolate chip cookies.

Comments

  1. Hi JJ,

    I really appreciate this post; thanks for writing it! I agree that heteronormatiivity can unfortunately put a limit on what is or what feels permissible in conversations. However, I have a reaction to the notion of “adopting” mannerisms based on orientation. While some folks may consciously take on behaviors to be consistent (or inconsistent) with others view them, I think that for other people, the mannerisms are just part of their authentic gender expression, not a role they are trying to play. Hope that makes sense and I am open to further dialogue ;)

    • JJ Vincent says:

      Hi, Sem. Regarding mannerisms, yep, I’ve got some of them. A recent acquaintance said he loved how I talked, that it went perfectly with my hands (which do a lot of fluttering and flapping). It had never occurred to me that my diction and intonation could be described as “fluttering and flapping”, which is much kinder than the usual “totally flaming”.

      I think that for a lot of people, the mannerisms are just there, else how do you explain the number of common traits between men raised with an awareness of stereotypical gay men and those raised with minimal or no exposure. Or the reverse, gay men raised in gay meccas with no “mannerisms” at all.

      In the heteronormative world, I’m not interested in giving the intimate details of “things”. I’m not really interested in doing that in ANY world. I don’t think most of us are. But to not be able to share even PG details is a little sad.

  2. Great article… Reminds me of when my husband and I were playing cards one night after dinner with his family… Parents, brother and his wife, plus a cousin and her boyfriend… Things were getting rowdy and the two younger women responded to their men’s competitive play with “Don’t think you’re getting any later!” To everyone’s amusement…. Later in the game, when my husband said the same to me there was an absolute and uncomfortable silence. We laughed about it later, and still do…. But it was still a reminder of the line that exists.

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