Michael Flood wants us to stand up and do something about violence against women (and men).
Most men are not violent. Sure, most treat the women in their lives with respect and care, but very few actually do anything to challenge the violence perpetrated by a minority of men. In order for our culture to move toward non-violence and gender equality, men need to play a bigger part.
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Violence against women
In Australia for example, the Personal Safety Survey reveals that in the last 12 months, one in 20 women were the victims of physical or sexual violence. Women are most at risk in the home, and from men they know. Since the age of 15, 40 percent of all women have experienced violence. Close to one in three women (29 percent) have experienced physical assault, and close to one in five women (17 percent) have experienced sexual assault.
In the US, the National Violence Against Women Survey found that over one in five women have been physically assaulted by a current or former intimate partner in their lifetime. About one in 14 women (8 percent) have ever been raped by a current or former intimate partner. Close to one third (31 percent) of women in the US have been physically assaulted since age 18.
We know too that this violence has a profound and damaging impact on its victims and on the community as a whole. When women are physically assaulted, forced into sex, or constantly threatened and abused, this leaves deep physical and psychological scars.
An Australian study by VicHealth in 2004 found that, among women under 45, intimate partner violence contributes more to their poor health, disability, and death than any other risk factor, including obesity and smoking. Violence against women has long-term effects on men’s and women’s relationships, on their children, and on communities.
Violence against women is shaped by a wide variety of social factors at personal, situational, and social levels. But we know that this violence is more likely in situations where manhood is defined through dominance, toughness, or male honor. Most men don’t ever use violence against their wives or girlfriends. But those men who do are more likely to have sexist, rigid, and hostile gender-role attitudes. There are higher rates of domestic violence in cultures where violence is seen as a normal way to settle conflicts, men feel entitled to power over women, family gender relations are male-dominated, husband-wife relations are seen as private, and women are socially isolated. Sexual violence is shaped by norms of a sexual double standard, victim-blaming, and the myth of an uncontrollable male sexuality. Poverty, alcoholism and drug abuse, and mental illness all are further risk factors. Violence against women also is shaped by race, class, sexuality, and other social divisions.
Of course, males are also the victims of violence. Boys and men are most at risk of violence from other boys and men. Ending violence to girls and women and ending violence to boys and men are part of the same struggle — to create a world based on equality, justice and non-violence.
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Men’s positive roles
Men have a crucial role to play in preventing the physical and sexual violence that so many women suffer, and men have much to gain from doing so. If we are to end this violence, men themselves will need to take part in this project. A minority of men use violence against women. And too many men condone this violence, ignoring, trivializing, or even laughing about it.
There are simple, positive steps any man can take to be part of the solution. Find out about the violence that many women experience. Don’t condone the view that the victim is to blame. Check out how we treat the women around us. Speak out when friends, relatives, or others use violence or abuse. Be a good role model, whether you’re a dad, a boss, a teacher, or a coach. And, beyond these individual actions, take part in public actions and campaigns such as the White Ribbon Campaign.
To really stop violence against women, we will need to change the social norms and power inequalities that feed into violence. Men must join with women to encourage norms of consent, respect, and gender equality, to challenge the unfair power relations that promote violence, and to promote gender roles based on non-violence and gender justice.
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A men’s issue
Violence against women is often seen as a women’s issue. This makes sense, as its focus is the sexual and physical violence that women suffer. But I want to stress that violence against women is also a ‘men’s issue.’
Violence against women is a ‘men’s issue’ because it is men’s wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, and friends whose lives are limited by violence and abuse. It’s a men’s issue because, as community leaders and decision-makers, men can play a key role in helping stop violence against women. It’s a men’s issue because men can speak out and step in when male friends and relatives insult or attack women. And it’s a men’s issue because a minority of men treat women and girls with contempt and violence, and it is up to the majority of men to help create a culture in which this is unacceptable.
While most men treat women with care and respect, violence against women is a men’s problem. Some men’s violence gives all men a bad name. Violence against women is men’s problem because many men find themselves dealing with the impact of other men’s violence on the women and children that we love. Men struggle to respond to the emotional and psychological scars borne by our girlfriends, wives, female friends, and others, the damaging results of earlier experiences of abuse by other men.
I’ve come to realize that violence against women is a deeply personal issue for men, just as it is for women. I’ve been saddened to realize how many of the women I know have had to deal with childhood abuse, forced sex, or controlling boyfriends. I’ve felt shock and despair in hearing about the harassment, threats, and humiliations that women experience far too often. I’ve felt angry at the victim-blaming I’ve sometimes heard from male colleagues and acquaintances. And I’ve been humbled and shamed in realizing my own ignorance and in reflecting on times when I may have been coercive or abusive.
At the same time, I’ve also felt inspired by the strength and courage of women who’ve lived through violence. I’ve found hope and energy in participating in a growing network of women and men who’ve taken on the challenge of working to stop violence against women. In making personal changes and taking collective action, I’ve found joy and delight in the enriching of my friendships with women and men and my relationships with women.
It has been particularly inspiring to see large numbers of men (and women) take up the White Ribbon Campaign, a campaign inviting men to wear a white ribbon to show their commitment to ending violence against women. The White Ribbon Campaign focuses on the positive roles that men can play in helping to stop violence against women. It is built on a fundamental hope and optimism for both women’s and men’s lives, and a fundamental belief that both women and men have a stake in ending violence against women.
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A better world
In campaigning against sexual and physical assault, it is important to remind ourselves of what we are for. We desire sexual lives based on consent, safety, and mutual pleasure. We hope for friendships and relationships that are respectful and empowering. And we dream of just and peaceful communities.
Men have a personal stake in ending violence against women. Men will benefit from a world free of violence against women, a world based on gender equality. In our relations with women, instead of experiencing distrust and disconnection, we will find closeness and connection. We will be able to take up a healthier, emotionally in-touch, and proud masculinity. Men’s sexual lives will be more mutual and pleasurable, rather than obsessive and predatory. And boys and men will be free from the threat of other men’s violence.
—Photo Lisa Norwood/Flickr
About Michael Flood
Anyone remember Sharon Osbourne’s description (on mainstream TV) about a man having his penis cutoff as being “fabulous” – to howls of laughter from the female audience.
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheHappyMisogynist#p/u/25/F-cdi7boyRQ
I think this sums up the culture in which we live.
Men don’t matter. Women are superior beings.
Michael Flood’s article just reinforces that message which is drummed into us 24/7 from all media from the day we are born.
I’ve been abused physically, emotionally, and financially by the ever-glorious mother of our (read: her) children. You, Mr. Flood can sod off with your parenthetical ‘acknowledgement’. Many of us know that you’re peddling discarded trinket in a shinier and prettier wrapping.
Thank you for your article, I think it reflects consensus ideas of our society, but it recognizes the fact that the issue of violence has to be addressed.
Violence has to be stopped whether it is perpetrated against women, men, children or animals! Violence against women is only one part of the problem and it is meaningless to talk about this part of the problem separately from violence in general. Violence is violence, whether it is perpetrated by a man, a woman or the government.
By turning this into a gender issue we are being duped into believing the issue is not violence in it self but our quarrels with the opposite gender.
But violence against anyone is wrong, this is fundamental, but something our society does not embrace, since we engage in wars and spread death and destruction in the world around us. When we base our character, our integrity, on violence against the world, how can our domestic world be any different?
The problem isn’t gender, it is violence.
Violence Against Men and Children Is a Women’s Issue
Most women are not violent. Sure, most treat the men and children in their lives with respect and care, but very few actually do anything to challenge the violence perpetrated by a minority of women. In order for our culture to move toward non-violence and gender equality, women need to play a bigger part.
All the women who don’t speak out against female violence -be it physical/emotional/psychological- on men and children are part of the problem. It’s time to woman up and start taking your responsibilities: your war on Men and Children must come to an end. A woman who don’t speak against female violence on Men and Children is an accomplice of the crime.
My god, you guys are whingers. And so WESTERN centric. You keep talking about the women-on-men violence you see on television. Have you ever considered that on a GLOBAL scale – in countries other than your own – that the violence again women from men really IS a lot worse, more acceptable and widespread than violence towards men from women (which is many countries would not ever be able to exist)?
Or at least in those countries no man would ever admit to being battered. Female sexual predation was only recognized in the West about ten years ago. Does that mean that it never happened prior to ten years ago?
What men do is men’s fault and what women do is men’s fault too. Somehow feminism has raised women with no backbone and no self-determination, instead they revel in their victim status. If a woman raises a hand against me, I will respond in kind. After all, men and women are equal now, don’t start a fight you cannot finish.
Violence against people is a people’s issue. That’s just my opinion. What about when a womam serially murders 177 women? Is that a men’s issue or a women’s issue — or opehaps a people’s issue? See:
http://unknownmisandry.blogspot.com/2011/09/creepiest-female-serial-killers.html
Violence against everyone is bad and I do what I can to stop violence against women (I admit that I tend to let men fight it out). I walk women to their cars when they ask, but I learned the hard way never to offer. I’ve kicked the snot out of guys who’ve hit the women I know although this has not served to stop violence as these women have never left their men. The biggest issue for me and I think it’s worth exploring is how do you stop violence committed by your friends. If a friend of mine starts a fight (thankfully most are non-violent) when the fists start flying, you think I’m just going to stand there?
I went out once with three friends. One guy brought his girlfriend. We realized pretty early in the evening that he was battering his girlfriend probably because she didn’t want to go, but he was using her car. We took two cars. She had no bruises on her arm when she got in the car, but had them coming out. He treated her like crap the whole evening dancing with other women while relegating her to a corner. My friend easily benched over 450 so he could enforce her isolation.
He would never hit her in our presence so we made sure that someone was always with her. He also didn’t object to any of us dancing with her. So we all gave her a dance, but we never confronted our friend over it. One female friend accused me of being scared. I wasn’t afraid, but in order to stop him using force, I would have to use a potentially lethal or permanently debilitating attack. One of us would have ended up in the hospital or morgue. He also had my back in two fights I got in so I felt I owed him. My other two friends fought better than I. He would have had no chance against the three of us.
There was on nice article on GMP by Damon Young on how to harness men’s aggression.
http://goodmenproject.com/conflict/teach-the-boys-to-fight/
How do you address violence committed by your friends without losing the friendship and how can you get women to leave abusive boyfriends/husbands?
Colin, thanks for your response. I’m very sorry to hear of your experience. True, my article focuses on men’s violence against women and men’s positive roles in preventing it. But I’m well aware of violence against men, including violence perpetrated by women. I’ve spoken out and written about all forms of violence, including violence against men (see http://www.xyonline.net/category/authors/michael-flood). At the same time, I reject the claim that women’s violence against men is as common or as serious a problem as men’s violence against women. Acknowledging, and validating, your experience does not mean buying into some of the wider myths which circulate about violence and gender.
Best wishes,
Michael Flood.
I don’t believe you. You say that you are “well aware of violence against men, including violence perpetrated by women;” however, you and every other person who writes about violence doesn’t actually write about violence against men except in token nods. Then, someone will call you all out for not addressing a huge part of the issue and you’ll say, “well, violence against men is also a problem.” Great. It is a problem that is only acknowledged when someone else brings it up and then only in passing.
Violence against men is almost certainly more common than violence against women. The problem is that society accepts violence against men, but rejects violence against women. Men are far more often the victims of violence than women. Man on man violence is extremely common, as is woman on man violence. If a woman slaps a man across the face in a crowded and public place, nothing will happen. People will laugh; they’ll wonder what he did to make her angry; etc. Do you know what they won’t do? Consider it an act of violence or do anything to remedy the situation. Switch things around and have a man hitting a woman. Chances are he WILL be arrested and he’ll probably get beaten by other men in the area. People will CERTAINLY come to the aid of the woman.
You see women hitting men on tv regularly but there is no objection to this violence against men. If you ever saw a man hitting a woman on TV, it would be a national scandal.
Like most men, I’ve had women slap and punch me. I’m sure my experiences aren’t counted in any DV statistics you study. Like Danny says, it is socially acceptable for women to assault men, even in public – so they have no qualms about doing it.
The very first article from your link gives a thirteen-word nod to female perpetrators, after which there is no further mentioning of them. Curiously, the article is time-stamped as being posted after you responded to Colin. The other articles also do not fair well. The half-dozen articles about violence against males either victim-blame male survivors via the convoluted “patriarchy” theory, discount the severity of female-perpetuated violence, or dismiss concerns about feminists downplaying and ignoring the prevalence of physical and sexual violence against boys and men. So yes, you wrote about violence against males, but rather than acknowledging and validating male survivors’ experiences, you dismiss, deny, and discount them. That is not terribly helpful, particularly if you want to reach out to male survivors.
Michael: “But I’m well aware of violence against men, including violence perpetrated by women. I’ve spoken out and written about all forms of violence, including violence against men”
Bull, Michael. Complete and utter bull.
Like in this article, you didn’t put violence against women and men. Instead, it’s violence against women (and men).
I have a hard time swallowing your empathy towards male victims when you yourself are known to have dismiss them with this whole “Men are victims of violence…from other men”.
Michael: “At the same time, I reject the claim that women’s violence against men is as common or as serious a problem as men’s violence against women. Acknowledging, and validating, your experience does not mean buying into some of the wider myths which circulate about violence and gender.”
You reject it because you refuse to see it. Men don’t report it because of people like you that support the stigma against male victims that leads them to silence themselves or treat it as no big deal.
I’m just going to stick with people who have the experience of having been abused by women, not someone who preaches a one-sided approach to gender violence and puts all the onus on men. By the way, very rich of you to put the responsibility on male victims to end violence against women.
Female on male violence is just as or more common. We see it on TV all the time, followed by laugh tracks, or thoughts of “he deserved what he got.”
F on M violence it is usually not counted as violence since males are the victims. Consequently, t is seldom if ever reported, not responded to by the police as being as serious a crime (as M on F) or often not even considered a crime at all.
However, as a husband, father of daughters, and a person exposed to many women and families of all stripes, I know for a fact that women tend respond to physical conflict, particularly from men, with far greater fear and trauma than the reverse. Therefore, as a society, we rightly feel more protective of girls and women, because of how they respond and their greater likelihood of being injured, even when they are the initiator.
Still, wrong is wrong. And, violence, regardless of the sex of the initiator is wrong. Also wrong is the way the subject is treated here and elsewhere, where female on male is not considered “as” wrong, and therefore minimized.
In the long run, women are the losers because not all men just walk away if hit or attacked by a woman.
Michael, I would like to hear your thoughts on what constitutes violence against men vs. violence against women. Is it the same? If a woman hits a man and people laugh, is it still considered violence, or is it considered violence only if a bone is broken or it necessitates and ER visit?
Are you aware that for decades, women hitting men on TV was followed by laugh tracks? What you seem to be missing is that violence against men is almost never actually counted as violence; hence, your impression that violence against men is less common.
Since very little that doesn’t require an ambulance or at least visible injuries when men are hit by women, why are you be so convinced “women’s violence against men is not as common . . . as men’s violence against women?”
Certainly they aren’t included in any statistics studied by Michael Flood as he would only concern himself with criminal justice data and women’s shelters rather than societal surveys.
In my writings, public speaking, and policy and program work, I have routinely acknowledged that violence is used by women, and I have routinely emphasised that violence of any form is unacceptable, whether by men or women.
In my writings for example, way back in 1999 I acknowledged that “Some victims of domestic violence certainly are men. … some have been assaulted by women. Male victims of domestic violence deserve the same recognition, sympathy, support and services as do female victims. And they do not need to be 50 percent of the victims to deserve these” (“Claims About Husband Battering”). In a 2003 encyclopedia entry on domestic violence, I wrote that “Men too are subject to domestic violence at the hands of female and male sexual partners, ex-partners, and other family members.” In a 2007 encyclopedia entry on male victims of violence, I wrote that “males also are subjected to violence by female perpetrators”.
I have also addressed women’s violence against men, and men’s subjection to violence more generally, in my involvements in policy and programming. For example, I facilitated a one-day workshop to help develop the work of the Service Assisting Male Survivors of Sexual Assault (SAMSSA), which supports male victims of assault by male and female perpetrators. I participated in a Men’s Reference Group to give guidance and feedback and the development and implementation of a phoneline addressing men – both men living with domestic violence and men using violence themselves. (As a matter of interest, both these services were set up by feminist organisations.) More generally, I have been a keen advocate of the need to address violence against men, through op-eds and other public work.
However, what I have *not* done is to repeat the lie that domestic violence is gender-equal.
I am struck by how any effort to highlight the issue of men’s violence against women, such as my article above, is met by this barrage of accusation and attention centered exclusively on women’s violence against men.
Sincerely,
Michael Flood.
That “barrage” comes from things like:
1. The byline – “Michael Flood wants us to stand up and do something about violence against women (and men).” Just mentioning violence against men as a footnote.
2. “Of course, males are also the victims of violence. Boys and men are most at risk of violence from other boys and men. Ending violence to girls and women and ending violence to boys and men are part of the same struggle — to create a world based on equality, justice and non-violence.” Acknowledging that boys/men are victims of violence…from other boys/men.
3. “Men have a personal stake in ending violence against women. Men will benefit from a world free of violence against women, a world based on gender equality. In our relations with women, instead of experiencing distrust and disconnection, we will find closeness and connection. We will be able to take up a healthier, emotionally in-touch, and proud masculinity. Men’s sexual lives will be more mutual and pleasurable, rather than obsessive and predatory. And boys and men will be free from the threat of other men’s violence.”
In your ending you seem to make the leap that if only men would stop commiting violence against women then everything would be better. Its not as if men/boys are maintaining the cycle of violence all on their own and women/girls are just helpless victims of it.
Personally if you had just not mentioned violence against men/boys at all I could have just taken is another article on violence against women but you go the extra mile of only casually mentioning violence against men/boys and then on top of that you basically only mention male against male violence. I’m almost willing to bet you don’t want to come off as dismissive but you do when you skip around it like that.
You post on a men’s issues web site and claim that domestic violence is a “men’s issue”. But you fail to talk about violence against men, or the way it is usually dismissed as minor and unimportant, and fail to talk about how when women attack men they are excused in court, and you don’t address how government programs don’t dedicate equal resources to address violence against men by women. So it is not surprising that you then get criticized for not knowing or caring about things that really are men’s issues.
Perhaps you should think more broadly on what violence is. For example, I haven’t ever seen a domestic violence organization EVER protest, picket, or raise any objection whatsoever to the female on male violence we have seen on television for many years now. What that proves is that even so-called DV advocates don’t take seriously female on male DV, not even considering a woman hitting a man true DV. That is the reason they believe it to be a lie that “domestic violence is gender-equal.”
They don’t acknowledge female on male DV as they do male on female violence. There is proof positive of that.
I’d *love* to see major public campaigns addressing violence against *men*. Yes, it’s a key ‘men’s issue’. Violence against men is a public health crisis, a pressing social issue, and one to which communities too often turn a blind eye. Violence against men is overwhelmingly violence against men by *other men*. So public campaigns addressing violence against men should address most (but not all) of their resources to violence against males by other males, and should tackle the cultural and institutional dynamics which feed such violence. Where do I sign up?
Sincerely,
Michael Flood.
Men are of course victims of violence of all sorts at higher rates than women. More men are assaulted or murdered than women are. And it is true that the majority of the violence against men is by other other men. But here we are talking about street violence: gang violence, muggings etc. Men are of course the ones who are primarily sent into violent situations: war, police enforcement, firefighting etc.
Those are all issues. But you are pulling a weaselly switch. We’re talking about “domestic violence” or “intimiate partner violence”. Men are victims of that kind of violence also – and at rates that are similar to women. But even if the rates were not similar – it happens and is widespread. I’ve experienced it personaly – as have many if not most men.
But we as a society simply don’t identify these experiences as violence when women commit them. If I gave a woman a hard open hand slap that left a red mark on her face – that would be cause to arrest me – and rightly so. But if the woman did the same to me – it would not be considered violence. I would be the one questioned about what I did to provoke it.
Men who ask for help in dealing with domestic partner violence by women are more likely to be arrested than to be helped. Most likely they they will be shamed silenced and ignored.
There are been many high profile cases of horrific female perpetrated domestic violence – but the public reaction is usually to shame the male victims. Lets consider for example the cases of Lorena Bobbitt or Catherine Becker. Both castrated their husbands while they slept. The public reaction – by women especially – was to blame the men. These incidents have been the fodder of cruel jokes on popular TV shows. That fact that this is accepted is a true men’s issue.
While you claim to be interested in helping the victims of domestic violence, I think the truth is that your focus is on identifying men as the perpetrators of the vast majority of the violence. Because feminists (like you) want to (and have) implemented draconian anti-DV laws that they want to apply only to male perpetrators. Once we admit that women are also part of this problem then we expose them to that system.
We can’t solve the problem if we ignore half of it.
Don’t confuse stranger assaults with domestic violence and don’t lump those statistics together. These are completely separate issues.
There is an egalitarian movement to treat domestic violence as a human issue rather than a gender issue. This is the proper way to deal with domestic violence without stereotyping individuals based on their gender and/or generalized statistics.
So, you will only address violence against men if you can blame the victims?
How about a violence against women campaign that addressed violence against men by women (which is at least 50%), which ends up in a fight where women are most likely to lose. When those scenarios take place, guess what it’s called? Violence against men and women? Violence against men? Nope. Only violence against women.
Any movement that deals with violence against women by men that does not address that key fact is not an honest anti-domestic violence movement ,rather merely an anti-male movement.
Precisely:
Mandatory arrest and primary aggressor laws ensure that in a domestic combat situation the man will be arrested, even when both parties agree she attacked him, and he only has injuries.
Primary aggressor laws (and police codes) use sly code words (centering on which party is smaller and which party is crying etc..) to “arrest the man”.
Violence against women is a men’s issue?
What about violence against men? To be fair, it should be a women’s issue.
Michael Flood should write something about ‘the positive role’ women can play to prevent violence against men.
It’s about the time…