Why Men Are So Obsessed With Sex

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About Steve Bearman

Steve Bearman, Ph.D. is the founder of the Interchange Counseling Institute and creator and leader of its San Francisco-based Year-long Counseling and Coaching Training Program. He earned his Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz. In addition to teaching counseling skills classes, for the last 20 years, he has been leading workshops on community building, relationships, ending jealousy, overcoming anxiety, gender role conditioning, healing body shame, death and grieving, spiritual practice, and group facilitation. Steve wants to create a world where the best parts of what we call "counseling", people helping one another to heal and grow and become free, are a part of people's daily lives and everyday relationships. You can find his best guesses about how to make that happen on the Interchange blog.

Comments

  1. Really appreciate this article! It’s given a ton of insights into boy’s and men’s behavior that I didn’t have before. Not sure why some people are upset that the article didn’t touch on women. Isn’t this the Good MEN Project? The focus of this site is on MEN.

    Anyway, I like when a guy can open up, and I’d never call him names or tell him to keep his thougths to himself. As women, we get conditioned to think men only tolerate our emotions and interact solely to get sex. So when a guy makes a comment, we feel de-indvidualized. From the neck down I could be anybody, so why would I be intimate with someone who doesn’t really care who he’s with? Long as it’s female, he’s good to go. But then they guy treats you differently after getting sex, so there’s more to it than just a bodily function, whether people own up to that or not.

    End result? My mind has been expanded, and I have a much better understanding of where men are coming from. And I don’t take this explanation as an excuse for men to behave badly. If a guy makes an R-rated comment about my body, that is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. But my goal is to let the men in my life know that being around me is an emasculation-free zone.

  2. Mikey-no says:

    What a bunch of nonsense. I’m a happy, successful man with a lot of love and sensual connection in my life. And yet, somehow, I’m still obsessed with sex. Why? Simply because wanting to reproduce was evolutionarily advantageous to my ancestors, so genes that cause horniness were selected for. It’s evolution 101. Why do we need any answers beyond that? Why try to pathologize everything?

  3. actualPicture says:

    I am not obsessed with sex. But my wife is. Even after 20 years of marraige, She wants sex between us each day. and this count is apart from her masturbating habits by her electric dildo.
    But i can not tell this in known public setting. Gender stereotypes (just like this article espouses) does not allow me to tell this in space, where sex between couples is talked about. Here internet’s anonymity is allowing me to talk about it.
    Women are as much as sex creatures , just like men. They are additionally just brainy enough to hold it back, knowing that male will initiate; and this gives her power.
    If you are brainy enough then you can too play sexual politics between the couples, and subtly make her initiate half of the times, when she wants “it”.She is also sexy creature enough.

  4. It always feels weird reading these descriptions about how boys are brought up, because it’s the exact opposite of my own experience. If I feel bad about something I immediately find someone to talk to, and I’ve never seen the appeal of doing dangerous stuff just to “prove that I’m a real man.” Maybe it’s because I’ve got Aspergers (not self-diagnosed). I’ve never really given a damn about peer pressure.

  5. The title of this article is sexist. Not all men… no not even nearly all men are “obsessed” with sex… and yes, some women are.

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