Jamie Reidy has words of wisdom for mothers unfortunate enough to have 40+ year old bachelor sons.
When reading Tabitha Studer’s insightful and heartwarming “25 Rules for Moms with Sons,” I kept score: which of these did my mother do, which did she not do (sadly, she did not teach me how to iron or do laundry; she was more likely to stick a knitting needle in her eye than learn to throw a football). Still, I was surprised by the list’s widespread readership – 74K views and counting! – even more surprised than I was as a little boy when my mother told me she didn’t like peanut butter. Whaaaat?!
Finally, I realized I shouldn’t be surprised. (About the list’s success, I mean; the PB thing is inexcusable.) Obviously, the mothers of the world are receptive to advice on raising sons. (Either that, or the sons of the world emailed the list to their moms, pointing out specific instances of maternal failure. But, I’d like to focus on the lovey-dovey, here, so I’m going with the moms-are-receptive angle.)
In that spirit, I set out to produce a list of 25 Rules for Moms with Bachelor Sons over 40. Alas, I could only come up with twelve. Maybe if my mommy had thrown the football with me when I was a kid… NO! We’re staying positive, Jamie!
On a positive note, at least I’m not a 40-Year Old Virgin, like Steve Carrell’s character in the hit comedy. Of course, my mother would probably prefer that I was more of a virgin…
Without further therapy, here’s my list of 12 Rules for Moms with Bachelor Sons over 40:
- Do not blame yourself for his singleness. Blame your husband.
- Call back promptly. His clients, customers and friends already blow him off, and he can rationalize that. But Mommy’s lack of responsiveness is a gut punch.
- Send Care Packages. His college diploma disqualified him from NCAA sports eligibility, not cookies/brownies eligibility. Bake and mail for no reason!
- Yes, he is wearing that.
- He hasn’t eaten ______ in the previous four decades. Why would he start eating ______ now?
- If he is seeing anyone special, you will be among the middle to know.
- He knows his hair is missing. Or grey. Or both.
- Try not to cry when seeing him hold a baby.
- He doesn’t need anything specific for Christmas. He’s fortywhatever years old; when he needs something, he goes and buys it. He doesn’t wait seven months for Santa.
- Comments regarding weight are unwelcome unless they begin with the words, “Have you lost…”
- When you call and it goes to voice mail, leave a voice mail. Otherwise, he’ll think you had a stroke. (Which is an effective way to get sonny boy to call back, but it’s a little unfair.)
- There is no need to try a new recipe when he comes home. He wants the old stuff.
What rules did I miss?
Photo by: rollenran
Unless he lost his job or it is a temporary stay, “My dear son, you have 60 days to move out.” I don’t believe you are doing him any favors by permitting a grown man to live at home. Great rules by the way.
In the state of our economy, and with not everyone wanting their own house and to strike it rich, privacy concerns aside, I see no issue with parents living together until they die of old age, and I mean stuff like up to 4-generation houses (with great grand kids, grand kids, kids and the initial parents). What’s the difference between housemates you put a bill in the newspaper to find and housemates that are your own family? You know your own family. You (presumably) can trust them. They won’t bail on you (or if they do, you had it coming,… Read more »
What the Bad Man said! I’m comfortable in my bachelorhood. Wondering how mother is going to react to my getting a vasectomy at 33. With no siblings, I will be the end of the line. Maybe I won’t tell her. I’m glad that my doctor, though hesitant at first, was willing to talk about the procedure, ultimately agreeing to do it, rather than simply refusing outright. I’ve known for most of my life that I don’t want kids, and now having been diagnosed with an unpleasant and debilitating disorder that may well be passed on genetically I _definitely_ don’t want… Read more »
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a single bachelor. You can actually be an independant and whole person without having to depend on somebody else, or even worse, somebody else bossing you around.
It’s the married guys that I feel sorry about. Once they make that mistake it’s a whole lot of trouble and pain to get out of it.
“Do not blame yourself for his singleness. Blame your husband.”
Assumes there was a husband, or is one. Assumes the mother had no part in her child’s upbringing.
OH MY GOD!!! I’m almost that son. 3 years to go. Sigh… Another rule, don’t tell your son to drive safely. He’s been doing it for 22 years now (or more). If he hasn’t killed himself yet driving, he likely won’t start doing it now. And another rule, yes, your son, after living in the climate that he’s lived in all of his life, knows how to dress for the weather. You don’t need to needle him about how he’s not got a coat, or forgotten a hat or some such. Your 40 year son dressed himself appropriately for the… Read more »